Chingona Revolution is hosted by Erika Cruz, a rebel who left a 6-figure tech job to pursue her own unconventional path to success by following her passion that led to her purpose. Every week, Erika will bring out of you that BADASS LATINA through her experiences to overcome self-doubt and family expectations and lead with COURAGE.
Are you struggling with the idea of being the perfect first-generation daughter? So many Latinas are dealing with this unrealistic expectation our culture has put on us. We are told we have to be married, have kids, and be “successful.” But no one ever says that we can be happy, or deviate from any of these expectations. That’s why this week’s guest is helping us break the cycle and be who we are truly called to be.
Mariela is a mentor to WOC leaders. She elevates WOC into in-demand thought leaders who make more money by being who they are, but louder. Through her unique blend of marketing, mindset, and leadership coaching, her clients turn what they used to get in trouble for, into their competitive advantage.
As the eldest daughter of Mexican immigrants who left a 16-year Marketing career, Mariela has broken out of every conventional box so she could help other daughters of immigrants do the same. She has since built a 3/4 of a million dollar business as a single mom and worked with 6-7 figure CEOs, and even women leaders in the United Nations.
In this week’s episode, Mariela and I sit side by side and talk about the cycles we’re breaking and how to make money while doing it. Mariela tells us how she went from the “perfect” first-generation daughter to proudly doing whatever she wanted. She says it wasn’t until she was 31 that she realized she wasn’t in control of her life. She had to start asking herself some hard questions, but once she did, she finally felt like she was living.
How to work with Erika:
Sign up for the Courage Driven Latina Program here!
Erika: Hello, and welcome back to Ch*ngona Revolution podcast. I know I say this every time I have a guest that I’m so excited, but I’m extra, extra excited because of a few reasons. One, this is a long-time friend. I can’t believe we can even say that now that we’re long-time friends. And okay. So that’s the first thing, but secondly, I’m sitting in front of her and there’s just something so magical about in-person interviews.
And I’m just excited to do more of them, but this person is honestly like my role model and like the mother I wish I had and no, no offense to my mom. Like I love my mom, you know, she did the best. With what she had, but this individual is just super mom, how like does everything that she can to understand her daughter.
And I mean, we, we talk about human design and like, she,
Mariela: she really puts effort into.
Erika: Learning more about her daughter so she can be the best mother and just learning also from her own wounds on how she can be the best mother. And that also translates to just being such an amazing friend and being such an amazing space holder.
And this is so not a traditional introduction. And the person that is here in front of me is none other than Mariela de la Mora. Welcome. Mariela is a leadership coach. She is a mom to an amazing daughter and an amazing friend, the eldest daughter of immigrants generational healer. I mean, all the things.
Welcome, Mariela. Oh my gosh, you’re going to make me
Mariela: cry with that intro. I was like, Erica, I’m so excited for us to be here. Yes, and
Erika: you recently launched a podcast and I’m so
Mariela: excited about it. I know. I feel like it’s a whole identity of like having your voice out in the world in that way. and it feels like vulnerable and exciting.
So yes. I’m, I’m excited to have it out in the world for sure. And I’m, and I’m getting a little bit of like a taste of like the behind the scenes from your podcast of like, this is like production on a different level that I haven’t done. And I was like, Erica helped me, like, how do I do this? But it’s like, yeah, at a certain point you didn’t know how to do this either.
And now you, you’re almost on your hundredth episode.
Mariela: Well, by the time this airs, we will be past, oh my gosh, yes. Yes. So, okay. Let’s, let’s backtrack.
Erika: Tell us, I gave, my version of an intro, but tell us who you are because a lot of people, I mean, hey, if they follow me on Instagram, then they probably followed you too, but tell us who you are
Mariela: for the people who may not know you.
Yeah. So I, Well, I am the eldest daughter of immigrants, Mexican immigrants, definitely would say that I was like the poster child for being the eldest daughter in the sense of like, I really tried to do all of the things that were like expected of me. Like I wanted my parents to be proud of me. I wanted them to talk about me at parties and say that like, I, you know, how proud of me they were.
And I did all of those things, you know, pretty much like. Teenage years, college, six-figure job, married my high school sweetheart, all those things, until I kind of like, feel like I woke up one day when I was 31 and realized like, why am I not happy, why does my life on the outside look a certain way, but I just feel like I couldn’t imagine things continuing on, like I couldn’t imagine my career continuing, I couldn’t imagine my marriage continuing and having kids, and when you start to be afraid of like, your current path actually working out, and that feels terrifying.
Yeah. You know something has to change. So I spent the next 10 years kind of dismantling that and like, rediscovering who I am, burning, kind of burning it all down, and starting all over again. So I would say that like, in so many ways, like, I’m a phoenix, the phoenix that like, burns in the fire and like, rises from the ashes.
Like, I have kind of burnt down all of the conventional boxes that you would put an eldest daughter of immigrants in, including divorce, including quitting the job, like all these things, which, you know, we will probably talk about today, but I think that’s what it is. I’m just like a boxbreaker.
Like I’m, I’ve just, a box
Erika: breaker. Oh, that’s so
Mariela: good. Yeah. Oh, that’s so good. Yeah. Yeah, so, and now, I mean, I think, like, even in kind of, like, rediscovering who I am, kind of, like, meeting myself for the first time, I would say, like, my 30s were very much that way, a lot of that has, you know, kind of culminated in, like, Well, if I’m stripping away all of these things that I used to say are me, like, you know, and you think about you Say, well, who are you?
Right? You’re like, well, I’m a daughter and I’m a this and I’m a marketing director like there were a lot of things that I was that it was like I don’t even know how to answer that if I wasn’t giving like And so I think now I am, like, I am a healer. I am, you know, I want to be a role model. Like, I’m a mom, but I think I’m also just someone who, like, wants to set an example of, like, what’s possible for other people in terms of, like, defining, you Who they are and not like putting themselves in a box.
Erika: Oh my goodness I feel like your community should be called the box breakers or something like that. Yeah, that’s really
Mariela: good. Mm-hmm Yeah breaking out of boxes breaking cycles I mean that was a big thing to is that like it’s it’s breaking boxes but also like breaking cycles of just being like Doing what’s expected of you and kind of making decisions based on like what feels safe in like what makes your family look good versus like who you really are like underneath because I think that was a lot of The decisions of like well, it makes sense.
Like I’m at this point So I guess the next logical step is this but it feels like it’s like a like a recipe like you’re following someone’s recipe and you’re like, I don’t even want to eat this like I don’t want this exactly Yeah.
Erika: Yeah. And as what you’re describing, I think so many people listening can relate to that obviously they’ve heard my story which we have Different things that have happened in our lives, but it’s the same narrative of
Mariela: like, I followed this recipe.
Erika: Why don’t I like the cake?
Mariela: This isn’t the cake I want, right? Yeah, and it’s like, do I want to spend the rest of my life making myself like it? Or do I want to like throw out, you know, throw this all out? Yeah. and so I think that was, I feel like I almost wanted, like, I, I say specifically how old I was when I feel.
Like, I woke up from this because I think there’s a lot of people and daughters of immigrants who think I should be further along by now. I should have figured out my life by now. and I’m like, no, I followed all of the stuff that was expected of me my entire twenties. I don’t think that I woke up and even asked myself one deep question until I was 31.
But then I felt like I started living. Like when I tell my story, I kind of intentionally skip my twenties. I don’t skip them, but I go, okay. I graduated college, I got my master’s, I married my high school sweetheart who I was with 13 years, we bought a house, and I just feel like I can say it in like 15 seconds or less, but when I talk about when I woke up and was kind of like, who am I really?
Separate from all of other people’s expectations of me. Like, I think we enter chapters of our life that we spend more time telling those stories and that’s when we really get to know ourselves. And I just felt like I couldn’t live another year that it was just another blip in time because I was just going through the motions and when I stopped going through the motions, like I really, even though some, a lot of parts of it were difficult or painful or vulnerable, like I spent more time telling those stories because it was what I really like.
lived my life. I feel like I didn’t really start living.
Erika: Tell me about that moment when you were 31. Where were you? What were your thoughts? What were
Mariela: you feeling? Yes. And I remember it so like specifically because it, it isn’t always like one day that you just wake up and you know, it sounds so simple when I say it that way, but really, What happened was, I think when we, if you, if you’re not 30 yet and you’re listening to this, there’s something about when you turn 30 that you kind of like assess your life and you’re just like, damn, probably you’re not where you thought you’d be because you have no freaking idea.
Whenever you make a judgment about when I’m 30, it feels like you should be so established, and know what you’re doing. Maybe if you want kids, like you have kids, or if you want to be married, maybe you’re married. Like there’s just all of this stuff. But then When you get to 30 and you’re not where you thought you were, I feel like some people will go through this like, I don’t know, like a reassessment of like, do I want to keep going?
Like, do I want to keep going? Based on where I am. So for me, that was, I’m 30, I’m married, we’ve been together forever, I’ve never had another boyfriend, this is the only boyfriend I’ve ever had, he’s all I’ve ever known, and the idea of having kids with him was like, terrifying to me. I was like, I would feel so trapped, even though we’re married, and I was just like, what the hell is happening?
And so I, at that point was like, The only thing that I knew how to do was, okay, there’s, I, I can’t solve these big problems in my life right now and these big questions I don’t know how to answer, but I knew at the time I didn’t feel confident in my body. And so I, at the time was like, I want to start taking care of myself and like.
Eating differently and so I started doing like p90x, which was very like popular at the time I was like, yeah, and I would come home from work do p90x in the living room I started doing like the Atkins diet, which is like very extreme But at the time it was just like curbing your carbs and I lost 42 pounds in nine months And I had to throw out all my clothes and all of that.
And I feel like a part of that was like, Oh, like I’m literally putting my clothes in a bag, getting rid of it. Like, I feel like I look so different. Like I went from like, I dropped like a few sizes and, but I felt really good about myself and I think I didn’t know at the time, but I think my higher self was talking to me and being like, well, how can you show yourself love right now?
Because I wasn’t acting like I wasn’t treating myself like someone that I love. And so I think that’s what happened was like, I started treating myself like someone I love. And then. What happened was, like, there was infidelity in my marriage the whole time, like, there was always, like, some chick in his phone or something, and because we were fighting about it, I felt like, well, I’m standing up for myself because I’m fighting with him, but I’m not leaving him.
So, something about me doing that, the next time I found something that shouldn’t have been happening. It’s like a different person showed up and was like no, this is never gonna change. It’s never gonna change You thought marriage was gonna change him. It’s not gonna change him. You gotta go and I I was able to leave while he was gone and go to my mom’s house and just Move in there and like hear myself again because I would hear his voice in my head telling me I was crazy telling me I was exaggerating and it was like I didn’t trust myself I just needed to go and I felt like everything in my higher self was like go somewhere and stick your fingers in your ears and be like stop talking to me I need to hear myself and I think it was my higher self being like I’m trying to talk to you.
But you can’t hear me because there’s so much noise. Yes. I need you to go, I need you to go where I can reach you. And I think that’s what I was doing at the time.
Erika: Wow. Yeah. That is so powerful. There are two things I want to go back to and that I told you this episode was gonna, it doesn’t
Mariela: matter where it goes, it’s gonna take a journey somewhere.
Erika: But, okay, so first and foremost, Initially, you were looking for almost validation and love from your marriage. And when that didn’t come from there, you didn’t specifically say that, but you weren’t giving yourself that. And the moment you began to give yourself that, it empowered you to walk away, right?
Because you realized like only you can, and that was probably your higher self as well. Having you
Erika: work out and do the things that you know were good for you. Yes.
Erika: and then secondly, the, we can’t hear the inner voice when we have people yelling in our ears. Like we can’t hear our intuition and those, you know, whispers when there’s so much going on and there’s so many people that are afraid of spending time alone.
Mariela: Can you talk about that a little bit? Yes. So I like actually in reality, I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid to be alone. single. I was afraid to go to lunch alone. Like I couldn’t do anything alone. I felt like I was the person who consulted with everybody about everything I should do. And I would only end up like more confused.
And I just was never alone. I was always with somebody, something, you know, in my ear or whatever. And so when I left that relationship and I, it was a divorce, like I quick after that filed for divorce, you know, after that it’s like the whisper was like. Okay, now what’s next? And I was living in the, like in Brisbane, right outside of San Francisco.
Cause we had an apartment there and I was like, this isn’t enough. And, then I moved to San Diego where I had friends, that I had like, I had a couple of like mutual friends and I went to visit because I was like single for the first time at 31. Like I had never dated, I had never had a boyfriend.
And so like. I was like, okay, well, I’m just going to go to San Diego because I like how I feel here. I feel free. This feels fun. It’s sunny. Like people are social, you know? And so I went to kind of be away from like my hometown and then that was okay for a while. And then I got another nudge. It was like, this isn’t enough.
Okay, now what’s next? How do you know these nudges? Because
Erika: they’re different for each person, but I’m curious as to how it shows up for you. Is it just an inner knowing? Is it a bodily sensation? Is it a dream? Oh, you
Mariela: get, you get visions. I have gotten visions. I did, so I think it’s two things. I’ve gotten forward memories, like future memories.
And I think that’s been, that’s what’s actually fueled like my kind of bigger, braver decisions where I’m like some future version of me came and was just like, Hey, by the way, you’re going to be fine. You’re going to do this thing. And then they peace out. And I’m like, okay, I trust you. It’s like, I don’t know how I’m going to get there, but I know I’m going to get there.
It was just like someone comes and shows you and like, here’s your life. Okay, goodbye. And I just have like, trust it. So I’ve had, I’ve gotten that, but I think that with the, like, I want to hear myself was I’ll go to the, like, I will move away from familiarity in some form. So first I was moving away from the marriage, which was, which was familiar.
And then I moved away from my hometown, which was familiar. And then I’m there. And then I’m like. I’m still not, like, this isn’t enough. Like what’s another thing that feels too familiar that I don’t like? And then it was like my job. So, I like how you almost whispered when you said that. It was like a job because I was like, I had the easiest, I was so freaking good at my job.
I didn’t have to work 40 hours a week. I was living in San Diego where I would literally go to day parties. Like pool parties in the daytime, people will be like, there’s a day party at the Lafayette Hotel at one o’clock. And I’d be like, all right, I already fricking did my work. And so a part of me was like Manila, you’re making six figures.
You don’t even have to work that hard. You’re really good at your job. But it was like, when comfort is like not enough, like familiarity, I was like, I just Comfort is discomfort, right? And like, it’s no longer actually comfortable. No. And so then what happened, and there’s this specific moment that I remember of like how I made this decision.
So what happened was like, I feel like the universe will like show us, it’ll give us an out, it’ll give us exits on the freeway. So I think that when you’re not asking yourself the questions, you’ll just chug along the freeway forever. You’re just on cruise control. Yes. And there’s an exit, but you’re like not even thinking about the exit.
And so this exit came up in my path, which was my company going through mass layoffs. Again, and the mass layoffs were you can re-interview for another job at the same company. We’re just restructuring. So everybody had to like lose their job. And then reapply, and they just offered me a different role where I didn’t have to reapply.
And I remember asking HR, if I turn down the role, can I still get my severance pay? And they were like, yes, you can. And I was like, cool, definitely not gonna like accept whatever the job is. but then I started having second thoughts. Thoughts because I was like, well, I’m making six figures. My life is hella cheap living in San Diego.
I had a roommate I was paying. Like I went from paying like 2, 300 a month to live on my own to seven 50 when I lived in San Diego. So I had all this money and I was like, this makes no sense. And I remember talking to one of my guy friends at the time. And we were like sitting in a coffee shop. We were like co working and I he was just like one of these like he just listened really well and like asked a lot of questions and I was just like I feel like this sounds crazy.
I feel like I don’t want to like tell you that I am just considering like whether or not I should. Take this job or I was like or the other option sounds crazy It’s like I just kind of want to get my severance pay and like go to Europe But I don’t really know why I don’t know what I’m gonna do there.
I don’t have a plan and He said well if you were to Leave your job and like go to Europe and it didn’t turn out like how you thought would you regret it? And I was like, no, I could just go get another job. Like, it’s fine. And he’s like, but if you stayed, would you ever, like, wonder what if? And I was like, all the time.
He’s like, okay, well, that’s your answer. Oh, I love those questions. Yeah. It was so profound. And I was like, that’s my decision because I know that my backup plan is what I’m already doing. Yeah. Which is, I could come back to my same company. I could go get another marketing job. It’s fine. Like that option was not going to go away just because I did this.
So that’s, that was the beginning of me leaving my job, buying a one-way flight to London. And the reason I went to London was because on my honeymoon to my husband that I had divorced at the time that all this was happening, I had a future memory of, I was going to live there. And I saw myself walking to the tube station.
In West London wearing a gray peacoat and all of that like came true, but I had to follow the nudge of you’re supposed to be in London, which is why I brought myself to London for the month. And sometimes you don’t know what the nudge means, but you’re like, if I were to just go put myself where the nudge is telling me to go, the next step is going to be clear.
You have to follow where’s the nudge telling me to go and not to be like everybody needs to move to Europe, but like if the nudge is telling you to do this thing and you’re like, but why the universe is not going to be like, let me give you a whole explanation. They’re going to be like. Girl, just go. I’m telling you where to go and where to be.
And so I, I listened and I brought myself to London and that’s what ultimately like where I met my daughter’s father, where I ended up moving, living for two years, starting a whole, a company there. Like, I, I had a whole era of life in London. But it wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t follow the nudge.
When you have the
Erika: moment, or whenever you… The vision came to reality about the, the gray Pico and
Mariela: you walking to the tube station. When did it click for you? Like, when did it
Erika: click? Like, Oh, this is the vision I had, or this is the future memory I had.
Mariela: I think when I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Like, I came home from my honeymoon.
We went to three cities. But I didn’t have that vision about the other two cities that we went to.
Erika: Sorry, no, I meant whenever the vision came reality, like whenever you were actually in London walking to the tube
Mariela: station wearing the green peacoat, were you like, Oh my gosh,
Erika: this is what I saw. Did that
Mariela: moment happen?
It did. Oh my gosh. So I, Oh my gosh. Ended up living in West London, but that didn’t really ever. I don’t think that I thought about it at the time. I was just like, Oh, well, I’m in London. And that’s why I’m asking
Erika: sometimes we like pray for things and we manifest
Mariela: things and it happens and we just kind of just like keep going.
And it’s fun until we really reflect
Erika: like, Oh my gosh. I created that in
Mariela: my brain before it actually happened. Because I don’t know that you’re thinking I’m going to manifest this thing. It’s just like, you just follow the nudge or like you have this feeling. I totally did not think that at all. I think it was, it was after I got the peacoat, I think.
And it was in a charity shop. And I think it was just like, I didn’t, I don’t know. I think I, I don’t even think it was the day that I got the peacoat. I just think that I had. A normal day where I was walking to the tube station and I, I think I might have just like been looking, I think that’s what it is in my future vision.
I was looking down on my at my boots as I was walking down the street because there’s these pretty tiles like outside of the tube stations and I think different areas of London have different like beautiful tiles and I was walking and I think I saw. The corners of my Pico as they went down and it was like a fall day and it felt very crisp and I think I just, I had the exact vision happen where I was walking and I saw the bottoms of the gray coat and I saw the tile and it was a different tube station than the one of where I stayed, during my honeymoon, but I was like, Like I literally am doing the exact thing that I said that I was going to do like I’m living here and I’d never tried To like make it happen.
I just like followed the nudges. Yeah in the gray peacoat, I wasn’t like I’m gonna get the gray peacoat. It wasn’t me. I wasn’t even like a peacoat person Yeah, it’s just like a very British thing Yeah, so that would have been
Erika: hilarious if we did
Mariela: this entire episode in a British accent. I actually haven’t done one in a very long time, so I’m not sure if I can’t pull it off anymore.
If I talk long enough, I think I can, I think it’s coming back. I think it’s actually coming back. I think you can get away with it.
We’re going to have to use this as a clip. We’re going to have to do it.
I just head-butted my computer and knocked it off of my tarot card deck that are holding my computer up right now. This is like the reality. This is the reality. This is actually very significant for my life, tarot cards holding me together, holding my computer together. Holding us together. That’s so true.
And it’s like the behind-the-scenes stuff too, where it’s like, here’s what you see, but underneath. Yes. My laptop is on a tissue box and Erica’s is on top of three tarot decks and I thought you were bringing them here because you were going to pull my cards during the interview. I was like, Erica would do that.
We can totally do that. I thought about it too. Just so you guys know, like Erica has been pulling cards for me about my dating life because I don’t want to do it, but I know that that’s a chum response. And so the cards have been calling me out. Like you pulled a card that like, Called me out in the best way and I was like I feel like the cards have something else to say to me But I love that Erica’s just like we’re gonna ask the card and what they have to say Yes.
Yes This is like this is the person you’ve like allowed yourself to become that you’re like I am like a spiritual guide for other people, you know, yes Okay.
Erika: So thank you for that back to you because you just talked about dating and I feel like this is actually, I wanted to talk about this because as I talk about courage, that is.
Every time you’ve had to restart your
Mariela: life, it’s, it’s been an act of courage, right? I
Erika: mean, everything that you’ve done, and every time you’ve broken the boxes and broken out of the boxes and break
Mariela: it, broken cycles,
Erika: you are leading with courage, but
Mariela: you have a daughter, right?
Erika: you then, okay. What, what do you want to tell us about that phase in your life?
Because what I want to then get to is where you find yourself. Now, where again, you get to reinvent yourself again, you get to put yourself out there and the courage it requires to
Mariela: begin dating again. Yes. Yeah. So I think to fast forward, like I, you know, moving to London, happened because during my solo travels, I met my ex-husband, my daughter’s dad, we fell in love, we long-distance dated, when you date a Brit.
You pretty much have to get married or something because I, it’s hard to live in, you can’t really live in each other’s countries. So we had very serious conversations up front. I lived there for two years and, I really thought, I think we always think this is it for us. Cause I was like, well, I’m committed.
Like I sold all my stuff. I sold my car. I’m here. I got a visa for my cat where this is it. Like, you know, this is my life.
But I thought that was it for me. And then, like it, and it wasn’t because we were, you know, trying to have a baby and, you know, the first two just didn’t carry through. And by the time I got pregnant with my daughter, We had split up, so like he ended it and I just, it wasn’t what I thought and I remember being like, this isn’t the way that it’s supposed to work, so I had to, a fuerza, like to say in Spanish, like I had to reinvent myself because I couldn’t stay in England because I didn’t want to have my daughter be born in the UK, where she’s a UK citizen and then I, I have to go through, jump through hoops to move back.
I also was like, I only wanted to be here to be with my husband, so, like, I’m just gonna go back. So I had to reinvent myself as going from marketing director at one of the UK’s, like, top recruitment agencies for hospitality, being a tech… Start a startup founder, which I haven’t talked about, but I had a dating app that I was the co-founder of and I had to quit that because we weren’t making money yet.
I had to quit it because I just had to focus on becoming a mom and I moved back in with my parents because it’s to start a life in San Francisco, and, and, you know, be on maternity leave and like not make money. Like I just couldn’t do it. So, I reinvented myself at this point as I’m still a marketing director, I was able to keep that job, but now I’m a single mother and trying to figure out what does this look like for me?
and that wasn’t something that I chose, but it was something that I had to just like rise to that, you know, the challenge of something that I didn’t expect. Can you
Erika: talk a little bit about this moment? Because I think people look at your Instagram now and think, Oh, Manuela has it all together. Like, she has a beautiful daughter, a multiple six-figure business, she has a mastermind, an amazing group of friends, an apartment with a view in San Francisco and very rarely do people get to see this part where you went from quote-unquote
Mariela: having it all to then like really seeing it all.
Having to swallow your ego and move back into your parents house. Oh yeah. So that they can help you raise your, your
Erika: daughter. Yeah. Not, not just help you raise your
Mariela: daughter, but help you transition. No, but they did. Yeah. They did. And I needed it. it’s like there’s so much of reality behind that. and I think that really like what happened in those years was like, That was the catalyst that made me value and prioritize healing because even though I didn’t know, I couldn’t make the connections, I just knew, like, I got married again, and I thought I, I thought it was going to be different, but it felt like such an eerily similar situation to the first divorce, only I felt like I didn’t see it coming.
And so I think I was like, Oh my gosh, like some pattern is happening here. Yeah. And I didn’t understand the pattern or where it came from. So like the reality really of those years was like a lot of like. Grieving a lot of feeling like my ego was really bruised because I’m somebody who valued my freedom so much.
Like I went and I lived across the world by, you know, away from my family. Like I went from not being able to do anything on my own and all of a sudden I’m like living. Being back in my childhood bedroom, you know, like being with my parents in the living room, like 24 seven, like it just felt like I was a little kid, but I was also a mom.
So it was just a lot of like my ego, like being bruised and me grieving a divorce, honestly, that I don’t know that people fully realized that grief. Dragged out so much because I was seeing him every day so he could see her on FaceTime. So I saw him every single day for years. I mean, even still now.
And I did it for her. Yeah. But that was the hard part: I have been healing. Since I was pregnant, like, I got paired up with a nurse, through San Francisco, like, I was on Medi Cal when I first moved back, which is like, food stamps, I qualified for food stamps, I was on Medi Cal, which is free health insurance, because I went from having a full-time job to working part-time because I had a baby and I didn’t, I just, I couldn’t work full time and, so they paired me up with a nurse.
So really, I feel like my nurse was like my first coach, but I didn’t realize she was a coach because I look back at our notes and she was like, what’s your dream? Like I want you to dream. I’ve never told the story, but I remember she was the first person who was like. If you know that you don’t want to stay in like the workforce, what’s your dream?
Like, what do you want to do? And we started to make lists. She started to assign me things. She had me like write letters to myself. It was like the beginning of me doing mindset work. And I’m like, bless her because she was a nurse that got sent to my house because I was like a high-risk pregnancy mindset-wise, like because of what I had gone through.
And I think that was the beginning of me being like, okay, I’m going to process this. I’m going to grieve this. And then I’m going to, when I’m ready, like decide like what’s next for me. But I had to go through living with my parents house, recuperating my money, saving my money again. And then it was like one thing at a time.
It was like, once I felt safe with money and I had a savings, then I was like, okay, now this job, that it’s still from the UK. This is the last connection to the UK. I don’t think I want to go back into the workforce again for an American company. So that’s kind of what happened next was like, I healed, I grieved, I saved my money.
And then when I was ready, that felt safe, then I was like ready for the next kind of layer of the onion to get peeled back. Yeah. Which was, I don’t think I want to leave this part time job as a marketing director for a UK company and go and work for an American tech company. Right.
Erika: Yeah. Yeah, and one of the things that really stood out is you said I was a child having a child like I was back in my Childhood.
Yes, and what you’re referring to is when we are around our family We tend to revert back to the roles that we had when we
Mariela: were kids. Yes,
Erika: right So it’s like suddenly your mom’s giving you unsolicited advice. Oh, yeah, your dad’s like, you know, it’s because they care but It’s just, yeah, that’s such a
It is. And that is what made me and my mom have conversations that we had never had because I was not afraid to assert myself. When it was me, I was because I wanted to be, like, the good daughter. But when it came to me being a mother, I was like, I’m the parent. I love you. I know you’re trying to help, but that is not how you help.
Like, this is how it’s going to be. And that was the catalyst. Honestly, for me and my mom beginning to like heal our relationship too. I mean, it’s obviously like eldest daughters and mothers have a very like complex relationship and that’s still the case. But I think that, me being a mom really like kind of made me come into my own.
And I think say, have conversations with my mom that I, I never had before. Yeah. And I think it made her respect me and see me different because even though we clashed, she seceded and was like, okay, no, you’re right. Like, okay, that’s not my place.
Erika: Yeah. And the other thing that stood out through your entire story, which obviously I know your story, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard it in the timeline that I’ve heard it today or in the detail that I’ve heard it today.
But what stands out to me is that your. Well, you just mentioned you referred to an onion, right? And that’s what healing really
Mariela: is. And
Erika: leaving your first marriage wasn’t the end all
Mariela: be all. That was literally the beginning of this journey, right? Going to London was
Erika: another piece. Coming back home, working with that nurse.
And then… So there’s just so many people think, Oh, like once I meet one courageous decision, I’m done. But it’s like one courageous decision leads to so many more. Yes. And sometimes we could feel, I mean, we’ve had this conversation, right? Yeah. It’s like, Oh my gosh, I’m just so tired.
Mariela: Right? Like, why can’t it just be easy for a little bit?
Like, I know.
Erika: Yeah. And we’re constantly being pushed to make these decisions even now as we continue
Mariela: to reinvent ourselves. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that like. It does feel like the thing is, I try to remind myself to like, I could just ignore it and keep doing the same thing, but I’m choosing to sit in this discomfort because I know that like what’s on the other side of it is like, you know, is, is really me being more of me, but like, it does feel like that.
It’s kind of like once you answer the nudge. You do it and then there’s another one that’s like, okay, what’s next? Exactly. Okay. What’s next? Okay. What’s next? And you’re like, wait It does it does feel like that and I think it’s like what we’re kind of constantly doing is we’re reinventing what goes in the comfort Zone, so I always like even with my clients I talk about how there’s things that feel like comfort zone, which is like super easy.
You don’t even think about it. And then there’s, it’s like, if you were to think of three circles, the left circle would be comfort zone. The middle circle would be like your growth zone, like you’re uncomfortable. And then there’s danger zone. Like that is like, I’m terrified. I can’t even move. Yeah. Like I just can’t do it.
And I think what we’re constantly doing in our, like, journey of, like, courage and self-discovery is, like, moving things from danger zone to growth zone. And being, like, whatever feels, like, challenging now, like, a year from now you’re going to be like, oh, I remember when I thought that was, like, such a big deal and I was so scared and now it’s fine.
And I’m sure all of us have, like, stories of things that, like, were terrifying once or we thought we, like, couldn’t do that became. More like normal and that’s really like all I’ve been doing this whole time. Yeah.
Erika: Yeah, exactly. Oh, okay. so, as you are where you are now with
Mariela: dating. You’re going to ask me about dating.
Yeah. Well, I mean, this is just on the next, yeah, next month, right? Yeah, it is.
Erika: So as we’re talking about following the nudge and how it continues to be uncomfortable, the current nudge for you is getting back in the dating
Erika: And that has been. It’s almost like the, the dance to use Liz’s terms for it, right?
Like the dance of
Mariela: yes and no. Yes. And,
Erika: I mean, feel free to share whatever you feel like sharing here, but tell us a little bit
Mariela: about that struggle. So it’s so funny because I think that when I’m looking back at like my past growth, it’s so easy for me to be like this and then I followed the nudge and then I did this thing.
But because I’m in it now, I’m like, Oh wait, this is, this is the part where I’m like, I don’t want to do this. Right now, and I’m, I’m noticing where I’m fighting the nudge and like, it’s reminding me how a lot of the times before we say yes to the nudge, we say no to it for a really long time. For a really long time and I’m in that now of like saying no and the people who like love me and like know me and are like advocating for me are like, hmm, let’s explore that.
Yeah. So I think the nudge now has just felt like I, I don’t, I think about like my reasons for not moving towards what I want. We’re going to use the tarot card deck now. We’re going to do it. I think about, I think it’s funny because this is real-time happening. So this is literally like my process for growth is that I go through a time where I feel like I want to go and do something.
I’m scared of that thing. Then I come up with a bunch of reasons why I’m not ready to do it. And then I, I totally just go with that. And I go, yeah, no, it’s just like not a good time. And then I don’t do it. And then I end up back at the same place again, which is. But I still really want a relationship.
Like, I feel like I’m in such a good place for it. Like, can we talk about the self-awareness
Erika: there? Like, you just called out your own cycle.
Mariela: Yeah, yeah. I just ended up at the same place. I just was like, well, I, the reasons for waiting haven’t really changed, to be honest. And then I’m like, well, I don’t really see where things are going to change.
Like, when are, when is it going to be a good time? Because I, my cycle is like, Oh, there’s going to be a better time for me to do this. And there just isn’t. And I, and I keep waiting and I’m like, I just keep finding other reasons to wait. And then I eventually get to the point where I’m like, I don’t like my reasons.
I don’t like my reasons for waiting. Cause when I say, well, I’m waiting because dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. I kind of take a step back and I’m just like, okay, is this going to be different in six months? How? Do I like my reasons for waiting? What’s going to be, you know, different in a few months? And so I think I’m realizing now with dating that the reasons for, well, it’s just not a good time.
Well, my baby’s too small. Well, now she’s this, well, now I’m figuring out how to start my business. Okay, well, now I need to figure out how to get more clients, so I need to like focus more on that. Okay. Well, now I have a lot of clients. I have too many clients, so I can’t date. Oh, well, now I’m focusing on scaling.
So like, it’s really not good. Cause like a lot of my energy is going towards that. Like it’s literally never going to end. So now I need to just stop the cycle of activating my dating site, my dating apps, and then pausing them because that’s my cycle now. I will go on them. I will get, I will get up the courage to show up for a few weeks, and then I will look for signs that it’s not going to work.
And then I will pull back and go, see, it’s not going to work. And I, I call this out because even though I’ve done all these quote-unquote, like brave things, like I’ve done these brave things, I still am deeply trying to protect myself from being hurt. And that’s the courage cycle. It’s just like, I don’t like this.
I’m going to go towards it. Now I want to pull back from it. And it’s like, I’m either going to process the discomfort or I’m going to just completely stop this altogether. And I think I’m just, I’m starting to be more onto myself that this is just the cycle that I’m always in. Where do you want the card from?
I would say the bottom. Hmm.
Erika: Whale. Communicate clearly. I think what this is saying is that you haven’t been, you haven’t, like right now you’re admitting what you want, right? You’re admitting that dating is something that you want to get back into, but it’s not something that you’ve. Like you’ve been hiding in your business almost, right?
You haven’t been really clear about what you’re actually desiring. And remember our desires are the arrows. That give us directions.
Mariela: Yeah. Yeah. And I haven’t put it out into the, like, I haven’t actually said it out loud. I think I’ll, I’ll whisper it to myself. I’ll think about it. But I don’t tell my friends, I don’t tell people, like, I desire to be in a relationship.
This is the sort of relationship I want to be in. This is the sort of partner I want to be in. But I think about, like, with my business, I’m very clear about what I desire. But with a relationship, I’m just like, well, I’m just going to act like I don’t care. And then I just hope it happens. Like, that’s sort of, like, it’s not going to be created, don’t we?
Mm hmm. So, I also think with communicate clearly, it’s like, I’m afraid to communicate clearly in a relationship because of my past. And I think that the, the, really the point is probably for me to date and communicate clearly and know that that’s the process, like, there’s no way out of. Me just meeting the perfect person and then I don’t ever have to like set a boundary or ask for what I need because he’s just gonna know.
Exactly. Yeah. I, it’s like I hate it because it’s just, this is just the resistance. Like, this is the thing, the resistance isn’t gonna go away. This is just my resistance this season. So I’m like, okay, it’s not, I’m, I’m just uncomfortable.
Erika: The resistance, resistance isn’t going to go away. That’s so true.
Mariela: Yeah, it just gets louder.
It just gets louder. Pulling another card.
Erika: Yeah, a different deck. We haven’t even read the clearly communicate
Mariela: thing yet, but we will. Yeah, I had a realization from the card that you pulled for me yesterday. Oh yeah? Yeah, I think I was trying to avoid discomfort. Like, I wanted to pick a time to go for this thing.
Like, to date where I was going to be fully ready to show up as my best self. And just do all the right things and end up the right person. And like, I think I was trying to avoid the things that have felt hard for me in the past. And that’s never going to happen. Like I’m never going to just find somebody who like knows everything that I want and need and is just like the perfect person.
Like I’m going to have to show up and take up space in the relationship and in ways, like it’s going to be scary no matter what. Even if I find the quote-unquote, ideal partner. Are you looking for it? This one. Okay. So let me read the, the, since you already
Erika: had a realization as well from the card yesterday and then we have the whale card in front of us, let me look up
Mariela: the description. Yeah.
That’s interesting that whale is communicate clearly. Yeah.
Erika: Okay. Whales, known for their beautiful outwardly singing, can enhance your ability to express and communicate. When a whale shows up for you, consider whom you could have better communication with. Is there somebody your intuition has been telling you to check in with or give more attention to?
This is your wake-up call to listen and act on those nudges because whale opera also represents healing ancestral or lineage traumas. You can call on whale to help you have healing conversations with family members. Be honest with yourself and open to the communication portal. You have the most powerful ally by your side now.
Mariela: I mean, I know that it’s talking about healing conversations with family members, but like, I think the, with me pulling it for dating, I think the healing is like with me because I have a lot of thoughts about the relationship choices. That I’ve made and like trusting myself. That sounds like such a burn, but like, it is like a No, I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing at the card that just popped out for you.
Oh my gosh. Okay, I’m scared.
Oh, what? It says yes, just say yes. Yep, I’ll read the card for you. Oh, this is the thing when you ask the universe for guidance. Or Erika, you. It’s gonna feel like a slap in the face of just like You already know the answer. This is what it is. I swear they’re just reflecting back what I already know, but I’m like afraid to say out loud.
Erika: So this is one of the confirmation cards. Okay. It says just say yes.
Mariela: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, don’t over. What is the last thing don’t overthink it. Don’t overthink it. Just say yes. Well, this part of me that wants to fight that is like, well, they just need to ask me out then. Yeah. But how can they ask you out if they don’t know that you’re open for business?
I know right now I paused my dating apps. I want you to think like a cafe. Okay. I know. You have all your lights turned off. You don’t have the signs outside. I know.
Erika: You’re not marketing yourself. Like, think about if this was your business, right? Like, nobody would know that you’re open for business. Nobody knows that you’re even
Mariela: energetically available for this.
Okay. So, this makes a lot of sense when it’s business because I was like, it would be like if I had a coffee shop and then I’d be like, no one’s bought a coffee in two hours, I’m going to shut down the shop. That’s exactly what’s happening. That’s okay. When?
Erika: You’re still even figuring out who your ideal client is, right?
Like, you’re going to renovate the coffee shop to make it perfect once you
Mariela: find your ideal client. I know. I’m like, if I’m talking about business, that would be like, I never want to have a sales call unless they’re going to say yes. And it’s like the perfect client. But I’m like, I’m ready to go on dates, but I think I’m so looking for rejection.
I’m so looking for the signs. It’s not going to work that the minute anything resembles that I want to shut the shop down. But how can we change
Erika: rejection to like, that just wasn’t a good fit? Yeah, I know.
Mariela: Just like you would on a
Erika: sales call, right? If somebody showed up with a bunch of red flags
Mariela: as a
Erika: client, you wouldn’t worry about them not signing.
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That’s true. But in relationships, it’s…
Mariela: Yeah. I think it’s like, I don’t want to be rejected, so I, whenever I perceive that I’m going to be rejected or that I’m being rejected, then I just want to, I want to beat them to it. And I think we. We do that. I do that, like, a lot, because this feels Yeah, you’re like, oh wait, you don’t need to show up at the coffee shop.
Let’s turn off the lights and lock the door. Like, I didn’t even want this coffee shop in the first place. Like, that’s me. And I’m just like, I didn’t even care. I was just, I was just doing this. And I’m like, that’s It comes up with dating for me. It doesn’t come up as much Like, we were talking about this yesterday, around how, like, I don’t have those same thoughts about friendships.
I feel like everyone wants to be my friend. It’s just like, my little, like, naive, innocent me as, like, a kid. Like, I’m just like my daughter in that sense. But when it comes to relationships, I’m very much like Um, and I, I feel like I, I want to like own that, but it’s like, it doesn’t matter how many courageous things I’ve done.
There’s certain things that feel a lot more vulnerable for me and dating is one of them because of my past. It makes sense. Yeah. I think I just think like, I don’t want to go through this again. Um, and wouldn’t it just be easier if I just never. dated again, and I just like stayed single where I’m in control of everything and no one can hurt me in that way.
I’m willing to be hurt in lots of ways. I opened myself up to her in rejection in lots of ways, but there’s a particular type of rejection that I think my body is like, we don’t ever want to experience that again. And I think that just knowing that, it’s like, that’s why this feels like such a risk. It’s not that it’s the end of the world or life or death, but I think Sometimes certain things feel scarier to us because we want to not, like, there’s just certain pain that, like, we just don’t want to experience again.
Exactly. But you’re not the same, Mariana, that you were in past relationships. Yes, this is
Erika: true. Those past relationships have taught me so much about who you are and what to look for. Okay, this is the last card that we’re pulling because I also have
Mariela: questions about your business. Huh? Fallopian tubes. Yes, so
Erika: you’ve got fallopian tubes.
Notice there’s like a
Mariela: rainbow, and she’s like, laying on the tubes.
Erika: Yeah, this is a really beautiful card. Mhm. And then there’s like roots as well. Oh wow.
Mariela: Like very grounded. It’s number 46. Wow. Yeah, that does. I was like, that just feels like femininity,
Erika: nurturing, I don’t know. Okay, fallopian tubes. I dance within the polarity.
When an egg is released from an ovary during ovulation, it travels through the fallopian tubes. Here, it might pass through without or the egg might potentially meet with sperm and have made their way past the cervix and the uterus. The connection begins a new conversation for the body to navigate. As a meeting place, the fallopian tubes represent a call towards deeper unity within yourself. You are being asked, uh, This time to practice merging the doing and the being parts of yourself.
I feel like this is just relevant to everything. Yeah. Uh, you may identify these as your masculine
Mariela: and feminine aspects. I was actually going to ask you about this. Oh my god. Because I’m like, this is exactly the freaking dating thing. Yes. That I’m like struggling with. To be like, I want to be in my feminine, but I don’t feel safe.
Erika: Mm, isn’t that crazy? I feel like that’s the story for a lot of German women. We feel safer in our masculine energy. For those of you listening, masculine is your doing, your goal setting, your action taking.
Mariela: Yeah. Femininity is receiving, which can be really hard for us, especially as women of color. Yeah.
Erika: Um, okay, so you may identify these as your masculine and feminine aspects.
The lunar and the solar, or the light and the shadow sides. The words are not as important as your personal experience of the energy that they represent. Take time to explore where these polarities meet within you, noticing where one plays a more assertive role than another. This is an opportunity to explore these different parts of you, ensuring equal
Erika: with each end of the spectrum and staying curious about where they connect and dance together.
A journal font for you is where in my life do I actively pursue my desires? Oh god. Where do I relax and choose to receive?
Mariela: Yeah, no, I’m, the answer is no. I feel like as soon as I saw this card I was like this is gonna be something about masculine and feminine and me not feeling safe to like Let some, like, I don’t know, just for me to feel softer or for like letting somebody lead because I feel like I have to be on the lookout.
And, and I think just receiving is hard for me too. Yeah, especially being the eldest daughter. Yeah, I think I’m like, no, I’m the one, and I, and I do a lot. That’s the thing, is that in my life, I’m a coach, I support a lot of clients, I’m pouring into their cups, I have a daughter, you know, I, I’m so used to doing that, like I know how to do that.
I think. I’ve gotten better at it, but it depends who I’m receiving from. Like I think that There’s some people that I’m like, yes, I’ll say that I need help or yes, like I’ll accept it, but I think that in In dating, that still feels hard for me. Like, for me to say like, Hey, I’m feeling like, a little bit like, I haven’t heard from you.
You know, like, even the idea of me being like, If I haven’t heard from someone, Like, for me to say something, Or like, hey, that thing that you said, like, It kind of hurt my feelings. Like, I’d rather do anything than say that. I’d just be like, Oh, this is just not going to work out. I’m just not going to say anything.
Like, I just want to crawl into a cave. Which is hard.
Erika: Yeah. Um. That’s valid. But I feel
Mariela: like, as much as you lead in your business,
Erika: I’ve seen you go from running your business from being very masculine to more feminine, and I do believe that in certain, I was actually talking to, we have the same therapist, I was talking to our therapist about this, I was like, how is it that I could feel so confident in certain areas of my life and feel so insecure in other areas.
She was like, that’s
Mariela: totally normal. But I think just having that evidence
Erika: in your business that you were able to navigate masculine energy to feminine energy, why can you not do that in dating, right? Because there’s that part of you running your business that’s already doing it.
Mariela: Like it’s already there.
It already exists. It’s not something you have to go and learn and create. That’s true. I think like for me, it works really well to give myself evidence that I’ve already done a similar thing. It’s just that it’s a different context because I allow myself to receive in my business because I have coaches.
I let my friends hold, like you like hold space for me. I will say I’m having a hard day. Like this is what’s happened. Like I have no, I don’t hold back at all. I never feel like I’m bothering. I never feel like any of those things. I never feel like, oh, I’m having too many needs right now. Like they’re gonna get done.
They’re gonna get tired of me and like not want to be my friends anymore. Or like, I’m asking for too much coaching, whatever. I’m just like, whatever. This is, this is where I’m at. Um, which helps to kind of be like, I am doing those things. It’s just, it feels harder in this other capacity. I think even just bringing awareness to that is like, it’s not that I’m not capable of doing it.
It’s just that this, this particular like circumstance feels scarier. Cause it reminds me of a past hurt and I think we’re so motivated, like humans, like we’re so motivated by like avoiding pain. We don’t even seek pleasure. Like I think, I don’t know. There’s like a statistic about like we’re more motivated to avoid pain than seek pleasure that it’s like, cool.
If like my needs are met and like, this is it, like, I’m just going to stay here that it’s like, Oh no, that that might be a danger. So I’m just like, not going to go do it. So It’s definitely a danger, it’s been a danger zone in the past, and I think, I know that that’s my work, I actually feel like my intuition is telling me that by me following that, it’s gonna show up in a lot of other areas of my life too, because I think that a lot of the holding on, and the planning, and the resistance, and the being in my head, the work for me is to practice it in like relation, not in my head, Because it’s the one place that I haven’t, like, let myself explore in, like, a really long time.
Erika: And another thought that I think would be helpful for you to practice, or that I would like to offer to you, is the right partner wants you to ask for your needs. They
Mariela: want to meet your needs. That’s true. Yeah.
Erika: And the people that you were in relationships in the
Mariela: past were not ideal partners. Yeah.
hmm. They were. You’re aware of this,
Erika: right? Mm hmm. But the right partner wants… To help you with your
Mariela: needs. They want to meet you with where you’re at. Yeah. I think that that’s hard for me, and, and I know that that’s logically true. I’m at this place of like, I believe it’s possible. I see it. I think one thing that’s good is like I’m starting to pick up on evidence of like where I see it exist in other people, where I’m like, oh, that’s so nice.
Like we were all just together. Um, with our friend Liz who like left yesterday, but I even noticed like she left this morning. Yeah, and I was even like Noticing like her partner like anticipating needs and just being like, oh they need this Oh, I’m just gonna go grab this and I was like, oh, this is so nice Like this reminds me of my dad like my dad is very much like he won’t say the words But he is like, I am going to anticipate your needs and then I’m just going to do it and I’m not going to expect any praise, I’m just going to walk away, but like, it makes him happy.
And if he doesn’t have that, I think that that actually like, wouldn’t be good for him because he likes being of service. And so it’s like, I have so much evidence of that. It’s just receiving it because I haven’t received it in a relationship. So I think that’s my work. I know that’s my work because I’m resisting it.
But if you can see it.
Erika: It can be yours,
Mariela: right? Like, the fact that you can notice this in your dad and in Liz’s fiancé, partner. Like, you can,
Erika: you know it’s possible for
Mariela: you. Because or else you wouldn’t, it wouldn’t even come into your world, right? That’s true. It wouldn’t even be visible for you. Yeah, that’s true.
Yeah. And I, I think that that is, it’s like, I almost have to like, admit to myself that like, I desire that and how nice that would be because I’m such a like My love language of like what I want to receive is acts of service I’m, not even like you don’t even need to tell me stuff like not to be like you would never need to but i’m just like acts of service is just like The best thing ever for me because it’s like you’re showing me Because I have to do so much for everybody else that like if somebody were to do that for me I feel like that would be like the ultimate way to show me love And, oh God, that’s what I’m going to do this year.
Erika: also want to point out for everybody listening, this was like a very courageous thing for you to do on this podcast because everything you had talked about leading up to this point, it’s in the past and you’ve been able to process it. And then we talked about something you’re currently working through.
And I think that this just humanizes.
Mariela: You as a coach, as a person,
Erika: where you still are working through your stuff, right? Like, we’re always going to be working through something, and that’s totally
Mariela: okay. Yeah. So, kudos to you. Thank you for being so vulnerable and, like, speaking about this with us. Yeah. Maybe we’ll have you and your partner on the podcast.
I know! I was gonna say, I was already like, well now, we, the cards have been manifesting this man for me, and I feel like I’m allowing myself to talk about it, um, which is super powerful. And this is, like. Honestly, this is like the first time I’ve ever talked about something that I haven’t, uh, already like gone through and like accomplished, you know what I’m saying?
Like I say this in air quotes, but like This is like the first time i’ve talked about something i’m actively feeling like i’m working through it. I feel insecure about it I feel vulnerable about it. I’m still in resistance and i’m glad that you asked me about dating to be honest because I Will not bring the conversation to dating because I know I’m in avoidance and so I’m like don’t don’t So the fact of me even bringing up bringing it up in like our conversations is vulnerable because I know that if I bring it up It’s gonna be reflected back to me And I have to be like ready to like receive that because I could very easily just hide and not so I’m kind of glad because I know that like this is almost going to be like evidence one day I’m going to listen to this and be like, yep.
I really had a lot of feelings about this I’ve been resisting this for years. I tried and I’ve stopped and I’ve tried and I’ve stopped like multiple times And sometimes that the bigger like the fear you’re pushing through sometimes it takes a few cycles Exactly. Yeah Exactly.
Erika: Yeah. Oh, that’s gold right there.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I am so excited we talked about that. I want to ensure that we talked about, um, so we’ll get out of, like, your dating
Mariela: business now. For those of you wondering, I’ve been dating very unsuccessfully lately, so it’s been… Depends how you look at it, Erica, because I’m like, this is all, like, success, because I feel like you meet…
Like, you meet yourself each time, you know? Yeah,
Erika: that’s true. and better. I’m getting better at asking for what I
Mariela: want. Yeah, you’re doing the things that freaking terrify me. Like, when you talk about that, I was just like, Oh my god, like, I could never say that. I would just be like, It’s fine! Or,
Mariela: And you, I saw the text and I was like, There was a part where you said, um, I accept your apology.
And I was like, that made me cringe. I was like, I feel like I could never say I accept your apology because that’s like saying and yes, you should have apologized. I, everything in me would have been like, it’s okay, it’s fine. No, I think it was thank you for apologizing. Thank you for apologizing, but I’m like, I don’t even know if you realize like how terrifying that would be for me.
I think for me, it was like if there’s
Erika: not an apology here, there’s not conversation
Erika: Yeah. Put
Mariela: a little distance. Yes, but I’m like, you still have been doing, you’ve been showing up in ways that I’m, I am currently still scared to show up as, and you could only do that in relation to like dating. Thank you.
Yeah. I mean, I’ve been trying this since we went to Mexico City. I know. It felt like you’ve continued to do it and so for someone like me who freaking wants to delete the apps and pause the notifications I see you continuing to show up to dating as hella brave because I just stop and like no shame on people who start and Stop, but I’m like that’s just the cycle that I’m in because I’m really really scared.
But when I see you continue It’s just like that’s that’s more than I’m I’ve been able to do so I think sometimes even when we’re like Oh, you know this like hasn’t worked or unsuccessfully dated I’m just like dude You’ve been doing way more than like I possibly could do and you’ve learned so much about yourself And I’ve seen how you’ve shown up differently that I think I have to remember that to be like oh But that’s also in store for me too that that’s part of the point It’s like to work on the things that feel hard In relation.
Not in my head, not in therapy. Yes, but like, I have to just get in the arena, basically, and play. Yeah. I can’t just strategize. Yeah, and I remember what my disasters were like at the beginning. Like,
Erika: it wasn’t, I wasn’t able to say,
Mariela: Thank you for apologizing. Yes. Or expecting apologies from people from the beginning.
Right. So, and you’ve been there through that, which I think has really helped it. Yes, exactly. So I’m like, that’s what the growth looks like. It doesn’t always mean like, getting the final end outcome that you think it’s gonna be. Sometimes it’s like, I become better at, like, the, I, I like the way I’m showing up more.
Right. Then that’s it. Okay, let’s talk about your business. Okay. We’re already at an hour. Yes. So,
Erika: um, you eventually left the job and started your business and took people on one-on-one and I’ve seen you almost, I mean, we’ve been friends for years at this point.
Mariela: Mm-hmm. I feel like I’ve seen
Erika: Mariela create different versions of her business almost.
Mariela: hmm, mm hmm. Mm hmm. And…
Erika: We have
Mariela: to evolve, right? We do
Erika: have to evolve. Yeah. So, tell me a little bit about who you work
Mariela: with and what you help them do. So, I work mostly with daughters of immigrants, um, who are entrepreneurs. Most of them are coaches, consultants, agency owners, uh, done-for-you providers and creatives.
Um, I also work with women in corporate who, um, You know, want help developing their leadership skills, either for promotion or because they have a new team. Not all my clients in corporate are women of color, so I’m a leadership coach across the board, because I’d say even for my entrepreneur clients, I help them with leadership, like advocating for themselves.
being thought leaders, being confident decision makers, trusting themselves, all of those things. And so I help women of color to extract their thought leadership and create demand through their thought leadership and their story and infuse that thought leadership and their story into the way that they serve so that they’re unlike anybody else in the market.
And they really can create, you know, a movement that matters, you know, off the back of that. But all of that takes self-belief, it takes leadership skills. And I think that’s evolved, that’s definitely evolved. Because I wouldn’t have given that answer two years ago. Yeah. Yeah.
Erika: Definitely. And as we talk about this ideal client of yours, I can’t help but think okay.
We just heard you talk about being this marketing executive And there’s so many people listening to this podcast that are feeling
Mariela: like they’re just stuck in their lives Yeah, and like what
Erika: they’re doing right now is a waste of time. I
Mariela: think you And I are both evidence of
Mariela: you do supports you.
I mean his tech setup happened because I worked in tech Like what we just did right now. That’s true my years of tech. Yes, but your like
Erika: reclamation your mastermind Wouldn’t exist unless you like Um, and then you also have a lot
Mariela: of other women who are like, constantly reclaiming your power. And all of the different pieces that we just heard
Erika: today, but also just your corporate experience of being able to help people step
Mariela: into leadership.
So what do you say to clients that maybe
Erika: don’t feel like, that maybe feel like they’re wasting their time, but you know that it’s part of their bigger mission is
Mariela: helping them get to where they need to go? Yes. I’m glad you asked that question because like, I, well, I’ll use like corporate terms sometimes with my clients because many of the women that come to me.
And so I’ll say like, everything that you did before, including the life you’ve lived is a transferable skill because I think they think number one, their life is separate or they’ll think, Oh, but I spent all these years doing this thing and now I’m going to do a completely different thing. I’m new. And like, anytime anyone’s like, I don’t have any experience.
And I’m just like, that’s literally not true. Like almost in anything you do, unless you completely chose. something completely different. No one ever does that though. We typically will always, we always bring ourselves with us no matter what. So that’s what I would say is that even your perceived failures are transferable skill because you learned something about yourself.
You learned either what not to do, or you learn self-compassion or you learned how to hold space for big emotion. Your failures are transferable skills, your story, your identity, the things that didn’t work out, your professional experience, all of it. is a transferable skill, even if it’s not what you’re like, quote-unquote, like selling or doing.
It’s just, it’s part of a little toolbox that we create. And in any given circumstance, we can go and like pull from that toolbox, even if we’re not actively thinking about it. So I don’t, I don’t believe in the concept of like wasted time. And I think like my story is very reflective of that, of like, I’m now in my forties, but I don’t.
See, like, the things that I’ve done is wasted time. I have my moments, right? But I’m just like, I see the, I see the outcome of, like, the years that I spent making decisions to get to, like, this place. That I couldn’t have made, I couldn’t be the person that I was if it wasn’t for all of the things that, like, didn’t work out, in air quotes, you know?
So I there’s no wasted time.
Erika: Yes, I love it. So how can people work with you?
Mariela: So currently I, I work with a handful of clients privately for leadership coaching and business coaching. Some of my clients have never sold an offer before. Some of them, um, I, which I coach differently are trying to surpass six figures.
Um, so with private coaching, there’s leadership in corporate, and then there’s business coaching. Um, and I also have Reclamation Mastermind, um, which is for folks who have made, like, 25k or more, and they really want to center their thought leadership and really, like, create demand and speaking engagement through thought leadership, so.
Okay, and you just had
Erika: an amazing
Mariela: speaking engagement. Yes. Can you talk about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell us a little bit about what you’re doing. Yeah, that speaking engagement was like literally the, like me and my concepts like in action even though again, I just do it like naturally. So like, I just spoke for QuickBooks at Intuit headquarters last, uh, last week.
And it came through an opportunity through a mutual friend, um, who hosts QuickBooks podcast, a small business podcast. And I met them in person through you and like mutual friends when we were in Puerto Rico. And I just was like sharing my story, which is just a thing that I do naturally. But it was just through sharing my story that this person was like, I need you to be on my podcast because I just heard this tidbit of your story.
So like your story is really powerful, like time and time and time again, and has shown me that like. Just own who you are and own your story, including the not shiny parts. I was on their podcast and then from that because I guess whatever they observed of me there, it wasn’t It wasn’t just a podcast though, right?
Or was there a podcast first? I was on her podcast first. Oh, her podcast. I was on her podcast, A Leader. Yes. Shout out to Janice. Yes. She’s always advocating for people. She’s amazing, like such, I look up to her so much, right? So I was on her podcast. Did not know that she also was the host of QuickBooks small, but small business podcast, which is huge because they have so many small business owners who are in their network and I had to be personally recommended for this and then pass an interview process Where they were interviewing me against multiple other people.
It wasn’t like, oh this person recommended you you’re in It was like this person recommended you We’re going to be talking to other people this week, we’re going to go ahead and do a mock interview and like fast track these questions and I just answered the questions and then they came back to me and they gave me the spot and I was interviewed for like 45 minutes straight.
I thought it was going to be a panel. It wasn’t a panel. I was the panel. They interviewed me the whole time. And I was like, Oh my God, I came from corporate now. I’m as I’m coming as a speaker this time. You are, but tell us
Erika: a little bit about
Mariela: the experience of getting there. So the, I had a moment where, um.
The night before the speaking engagement, it was literally like a week ago, um, I spoke on the phone with them, you know, they’d already told me that I got the spot, right? Um, but the day before, we had a call to confirm details. And I said, okay, so how many other people are gonna be on the panel? And they told me like, it’s just you and Janice and Austin.
And I was like, what? So like, it’s just me? I was like, so they’re not gonna be talking to anybody else? They’re like, nope, they’re not gonna be talking to anybody else. And I was like, okay, how many people are gonna be there? And she’s like, do you really want to know? And she’s like, cause I don’t want to freak you out.
And she’s like, it’ll be like 200 people. She’s like, maybe a hundred and something in the audience, but then we’re going to also live stream it. And then we hung up and I was like, okay, this is fine. I was a little freaked out, but I was like, I’m excited. And then she texts me and she’s like, so what time can I have the driver like pick you up?
We’re going to send a car for you. And I was like, okay, like, I guess I don’t have to drive. Like I can drive. I’m in San Francisco. This thing was in Mountain View and I gave her my address. And then I. I think after I sent her my address, it’s kind of funny how like, you don’t recognize your growth moments until they happen.
I remembered as I sent her that, she sent me back like, okay, your driver’s scheduled. And then she sent me the screenshot. And I was like, thanks. And I thought. I remember this feeling of like, I’m not worthy of having this driver come to me that I had four years, five years ago, five years ago, when I had back-to-back interviews, they were final interviews at Uber, Facebook and Google for different marketing roles.
And. Um, they had sent a car for me and I remember at the time being like, you’re going to freaking send a car. I like, I just thought it was the biggest thing. Like you’re going to send a car to pick me up. And my sister who works for, for, for Facebook at the time was like, they never sent me a car. So like go interviews.
She’s like, you must be like a big deal. And so I think I was just like, I can’t believe, and I turned down a job that I’ve talked about another, like I’ve talked about in my marketing around, it was a, it was around a quarter million, um, total between salary and stock. So I turned down a quarter million.
job offer, and now I’m getting a car sent for me by a tech company to bring me to campus as a speaker. And I think it was such a full circle moment where I was like, I didn’t think I was worthy of getting a car sent for me when I was interviewing for a job, yet now I was like, Okay, yeah, like, send a car for me, that would be great.
And this is because of something you created? Yes, it’s for me. How useful is that? Yeah. Like, no one can, I, and this is, like, why, it reminded me, like, this is why I coach my clients on what I do, because no one can take that away from me. Like, there, I’m sure, were many other qualified people who were great that they interviewed, but, like, They chose me and a job can’t take that away.
A partner can’t like leave me and take that away. Like no one can take that away. Like as time goes on, I’m only going to become like a more of a thought leader. My personal brand is going to be stronger. Like I’m going to, and that just was like, okay, I made it like in, in whatever way that means, like, I just felt.
Like, it was such a full circle moment for me to go to a tech company, not doing a job interview, where I had to show them, I had to show them that I was the best person. It just felt like they were, you know, welcoming me with open arms. That
Erika: is beautiful. Is there anything that I did not ask you?
Mariela: That you’d like to share.
Because we can talk for days. I know. I, I, I Well, I’ll share one thing that I shared at Intuit, actually. Um, because so many people reflected this back to me. And I thought it was such a simple thing that I was like, I think I should share it with you all since we were talking about the speaking engagement is they asked me, like What is one piece of advice that you would have and they said for small business owners But I actually think this is for everyone and I was like that’s such a big question like one piece of advice One mantra one something I live by and I was like well something that really anchors me when I’m thinking I’m doing something wrong or I’m in a rush or I I feel like maybe something’s not working is the Knowing that like my success is inevitable As long as I keep showing up, as long as I keep showing up for myself, I keep showing up to the challenge, to the problem.
Um, and so many people came back and was like, I needed to hear that. Um, and so I think that whatever you are desiring, like it’s inevitable that you will have a version of that. And it may be even better than what you imagined. It probably will be. It probably will. Yeah. Yeah.
Erika: That is
Mariela: so good. Okay, where can people find you? Um, well you can come and hang out with me. Now I have a new website. I wouldn’t have said this before. At MarielaDalamora. com or on Instagram, Mariela. Dalamora. So I would love to hear if any part of this stood out to you, resonated with you.
I would love to hear what had an impact. I am sure we’re going to get tagged on many things for this episode. Um, my team will link
Erika: all of those links down below and Yeah, just be sure to
tag us both and let us know what your favorite part of this interview is. I feel like we
Mariela: had like four interviews in one interview. This is me because I have so many parts to my story that I’m just like… No, let’s bring it all. And there’s one more thing I would say, which is like, if you’re even sitting in the discomfort, if you’re even questioning everything, if you’re even sitting just wondering, like, what is life, like, you’re on the right track.
Erika: That’s true. Because if you’re not, that means you’re so in your comfort zone that you’re not even
Mariela: growing. Yes, exactly. Yeah,
Erika: that’s beautiful. I’m so, like, I was telling you this last night whenever we were sitting out by the fire, and I said this to Kat as well, Kat that’s got me in, I had seen a, like, a meme once, That talked about how the best relationships are the ones that both people feel like they’re the lucky ones.
Mariela: I feel like I can translate this to friendship. And that’s how I feel about you, Liz, and Kat. Like I feel like I’m the lucky one
Mariela: But based on, like, what I’ve heard from you all, you feel the same way. Oh, yeah. It’s so funny because you’re saying that and I’m trying not to cut you off. But I’m like, okay, that’s so nice.
And also, yes.
Erika: It’s like,
Mariela: not to invalidate, but this is exactly what it feels like, right? It’s just like, no, like, I can’t believe it, you know? I think that all the time about our, like, our text thread has, like, saved me and uplifted me, like, more times than I can ever count. I for sure know, like, my life would be absolutely…
It would not be the same without you guys and without who I’m able to be. In that text thread. Yeah. You know, and in our friendship and in our life, but I, sometimes that’s all we have, you know, is just like this text thread and like, I think it’s like, it’s been my lifeline like more times than I can count.
No, I agree.
Erika: I was sharing with you, you all came to visit me in Southern California, and I was concerned because I’m used to just
Mariela: being alone. And I was
Erika: like, what’s
Mariela: it going to be like? Yeah. Yeah.
Erika: Yeah. And the first few hours of you both being here, it was just like, my
Mariela: cup was so full. And now I actually
Erika: wrote in my journal that like,
Mariela: I was grieving that like, Liz left, and they’re leaving tomorrow, and now it’s like, now I’m sad, and I’m like, don’t
Mariela: It’s so funny because I’m just like, we never leave each other without being like, so when are we going to see each other again? Exactly. Which is such a beautiful thing to have. Exactly. Amazing. Well, we are an hour and almost 20 minutes in. Oh gosh, yes. We’re going to give the listeners a little break.
Erika: You are going to be back on this podcast.
Oh, can you give us the name of your podcast? That’s the one
Mariela: thing you need to share. Yes, actually, thank you for asking. So, um, my podcast is Cycle Breakers and Money Makers. Um, we actually just launched, but by the time you hear this, I should have, like, there should be plenty for you to binge on. It’s a podcast for anyone who feels like they’re breaking cycles in their family, um, and they have bigger dreams.
And breaking those cycles is going to help them to achieve that, whether it’s making more money, starting, you know, a business. So, yes, please check it out. Okay, perfect. Mariela, thank
Erika: you so much for being willing
Mariela: to do this. No, it’s a joy. Like, I loved, I loved today. Okay,
Erika: everyone. Thanks for listening.
We’ll see you all next week.