Chingona Revolution is hosted by Erika Cruz, a rebel who left a 6-figure tech job to pursue her own unconventional path to success by following her passion that led to her purpose. Every week, Erika will bring out of you that BADASS LATINA through her experiences to overcome self-doubt and family expectations and lead with COURAGE.
Breaking generational traumas is not easy. It can take a lot of work and heartbreak to get to where you want to be. Which is why we encourage people in the Courage Driven Latina program to make connections with everyone else in the program. It’s easier to be courageous when you know your friends have your back. That’s why it’s incredible that this week’s guests are sisters and joined the Purpose Driven Latina program together, one of the first versions of the Courage Driven Latina program.
Tania Cruz-Sanchez was born in Toronto, Canada, and is the oldest of Salvadorean parents. She is currently a Grade 6/7 teacher in a French Extended program school in Toronto. After 5 years, she is finally loving what she does as she is finally taking the time to figure out the work/life balance in her life. Much of this is thanks to Purpose Driven Latina, now Courage Driven Latina. The more she learns about herself and specifically how she does things, how she learns, and her pace (and embracing all this) – the more flexible and creative she becomes in acknowledging and being open to figuring out how to best support and guide the diverse learners/thinkers/doers in her classroom. As a Leo sun and Aries Rising, Tania re-charges with an expresso shot, an amazing lake view, and her journaling notebook with pens/highlighters of all the colors.
Arely Cruz-Sanchez is a first-generation Canadian (born and raised in Toronto) and a proud Salvadoreña! She is the youngest of two daughters and the first to pursue a doctoral degree in the family (currently a PhD Candidate in Cell & Systems Biology/Behavioural Neuroscience). She considers herself a total nerd as she is a neuroscientist who is a huge Harry Potter/Star Wars/Marvel/DC fan, reads romance-fantasy novels (shout out to ‘A Court of Thorns & Roses’ Fans!), and loves dying her hair different colors. She loves physical activity (for the past 4 years she has explored CrossFit, Olympic Lift training, and bodybuilding) and values family and loyalty (her sun sign is Cancer and she is a Sagittarius rising). Her sister, Tania, introduced her to CDL and she is finally embracing a new version of herself that she has been looking for a long time.
In this week’s episode, Arely and Tania open up about what it’s like to navigate life, break away from generational trauma, and face new challenges side-by-side. They joined Purpose Driven Latina to gain the confidence to take control of their own lives. Arely touches on dealing with manipulation in a graduate program and the hilarious “Are you okay?” email that left them both dying with laughter. Listen to hear more about how these two purpose-driven sisters became courage-driven Latinas.
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Join the Courage Driven Latina Program here.
Hello and welcome back to Ch*ngona Revolution podcast. I have two special guests today and these guests not only are my clients, but these are clients who know each other and they don’t just know each other. They like. Live in the same house and have known each other their entire lives. And I have invited these two guests on because as much as we’ve been talking recently on the podcast about finding an ideal community and the pain of outgrowing friends, I think there’s also so much beauty when you get to grow with people.
And this can happen with friendships, it can happen in romantic relationships. Or like today we’re talking about two siblings, two sisters, and how you’ve both really. Been able to grow because of your love for self-development and your love for wanting to become the best version of yourself, and you’re both inside of Courage Driven Latina.
You’re both sisters, and I am so excited to talk about just what it’s like to be each other’s sisters, what it’s like to be in the program together as sisters, and what it’s like just as you’re navigating life, right? Life is so complex, and to have somebody in your corner who understands. What it is like the tools that you’ve learned and maybe the things that you’re going through and who could really be there for you.
It makes the world of a difference. So these guests are none other than Arely and Tanya Cruz Sanchez and Tanya, we’ll start with you. Can you please tell us where you’re located? Tell us what you do Where are you located and who are you? What is it that you do?
Tania: Okay, hi.
thank you for having us, Erica, first and foremost. I, as well as we, are located in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. and what I do, I am a teacher. So, I teach, grades six, seven, as well as grade five and eight. and it’s… It’s a French extended program or French immersion program. So that’s what I do.
Erika: And, this is our third time working together because you were in Courage Driven Latina when it was Purpose Driven Latina. So you’ve joined twice and we also work together one on one. And I think what’s so incredible about you
starting a business once or twice, but in general, it’s been very much like. Navigating life and career. And I think sometimes people think that Courage Driven Latina is just for people who want to start businesses, but you’re a perfect example. Actually, both of you are perfect examples of how that’s actually not the case, but life is going to life and having a support system around that is really helpful.
So, also actually, let’s go to you early. Where are, we already know where you’re located,
Arely: literally the same. If I were to provide the exact address. It’s the same one. What she said. Both
Erika: your welcome gifts. I was like, I asked my assistant, Can you just ship them together? Because they’re in the same.
Arely: And we got them at the same time.
We got them at the same time, too.
Erika: Yeah, I love it. Also, Tanya was the first person to make Courage Driven Latina International. You were our first international student. And since then, we’ve had people in Spain and we’ve had people in other countries, but yeah, you’re the first person. okay. Arely, tell us what you do.
Arely: So, hi, thank you once again, Erica, for having us both. so, as you all know, my name is Arely, and, last name same as my sister, Cruz Sanchez. so, I am a PhD student in the Cell and Systems Biology Department at the University of Toronto. I do research that ties into developmental systems neuroscience, and that’s what I’ve been literally doing for the past seven years and I’m wrapping it up this year and that’s basically what I’ve been doing.
Erika: Amazing. Okay. So as I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, it is. important to have supportive people in your circle, but I also think it’s important to bring people alongside your journey. And Tanya, I think that’s something that you did right where you. Obviously, I really knew that you were in, that you were working with me as your coach and that you were in this program.
Tell me a little bit about how did, I mean, was there convincing that happened? Like what occurred behind the scenes and how did you both end up in the program together?
Arely: That’s a good question.
It was a suggestion, but it was, you asked for me to join, Erica’s webinar.
I’m thinking it was about stress, how to deal with stress, it was
Tania: the 4Ms, right? The 4Ms,
Arely: yes. Yes, yes, yes. so, I was going into a direction where, like, I was really stressed out. I didn’t know what I was going to do. a lot of stuff that in my life was, like, a bit of a, like, a crisis.
So when my sister recommended it, and I feel like my… So, just to give a little bit of context, my sister has always tried to involve me with having better, ways of dealing with stress that lead to introspection. So, like, reflection, trying to focus on what you really want to do. But my mindset in the past has always been, I want to say past because it’s not anymore, was always square in the sense that, I always thought all of that as like, you know, I don’t think I need that.
You know, it’s just, it’s not something that’s going to actually help me. I just, I have to be strong enough to deal with what I need to go through. so then when she told me about, Erica’s webinar, I’m just like, well, you know. I’ll give it a try. So, so, so, because I said, you know, why not? But then when I saw how you talked about how to deal with, situations and you named examples of people that actually went through Courage to Live in Athena or went through the different scenarios, I was like, you know what, that’s actually something that really sounds similar to me.
Like, I thought it was, I thought it was just like something that I had to go through. So then from there, that’s where it took, like, Oh, okay. I think I’m actually pretty convinced that this program might actually work. so yeah, it took a little bit of like offerings from there. I was a little bit hesitant and I remember I, I, when I interviewed with you, for the consultation, I was still questioning, like, is it the right time?
especially cause I thought maybe after I’m done my PhD, like I could do it. but having the PhD as a project, which was your suggestion, and also I think my sister had suggested that before, too, that like, maybe you could just have your PhD as also your project, like, and then you can think about stuff afterward.
So I was like, you know what, that’s not a bad idea. So, yeah, that’s literally how I was convinced. Yeah.
Erika: Okay, thank you so much for sharing that. I’m now, okay, I’m going to backtrack a little bit more. Aurelie, what was it like to witness, just behind the scenes, Tanya, going through Purpose Driven Latina the first round and then like going through coaching, like what did you see in her?
Did you notice a change in the way she spoke about herself or anything like that? What was it like to be in the house in the same, under the same roof with somebody who had began investing in themselves and working on
Tania: themselves? I definitely,
Arely: definitely felt like she was, so it’s, I don’t want to say that our household is, male dominant, but I feel like the strong word in our house is held from my father.
So it’s just my sister, myself and my parents. so whenever we have conversations and such, he’s like the one that has like a lot of like authoritative speaking sense with what’s going on. my mother does as well, but to a lesser extent in certain contexts. But when my sister started going through all of this, I did started noting trends of her being more outspoken and more confident and being able to not only speak her opinion, but also talk about things that we generally don’t talk about, which is, I feel like I’m a little depressed right now.
I feel like I’m not getting support that I needed. Sometimes we were having conversations and she would, you know, just cry. And it was those things that I realized that we tended not to really show when we’re in front of our parents. It’s like we have to, like when we have conversations like that, we have to sort of not be emotional.
Like just try to like, try to have a strong sense. Exactly. Go through it without really reflecting and digesting.
Tania: Not processing
Arely: it even. Exactly. Yes. Processing. So it’s like, when I started seeing that, I felt like she was building more confidence. Like she was able to have that voice that just. Really, like she was sure of what she was saying, which was something that we really didn’t see much from like the dynamic that we have.
so yeah, that’s, I feel like that was the change there for
Erika: sure. How beautiful. And yes, to your point, you know, about the male dominate, dominant aspect. I feel like that is something that’s so normal culturally, right? So it’s nothing against your parents. It’s just what’s happened in history. I mean, my household was the same as well.
And how beautiful that you were able to witness the confidence building in your sister. And I’m sure that also contributed to you being a little bit curious. Well, like, what is going on in that program over there that she’s in?
Arely: Exactly. Especially the fact that, like the taboo topics of like dealing with, your emotions.
Like, I feel like that I do confess that I did have that mindset before I joined the program. it’s like having to tell yourself that you need time to reflect, even the word of even the word self-care was just like a word that wasn’t like it signifies like you’re weak or like it’s like you’re not built to do to go through life as it is like literally both my parents being Salvadorians, like we’re both Salvadorians, first generation, they came out of the civil war, had to like deal with their own things, like being a foreign country, they were Not
Tania: even 20 yet
Arely: when they had to move out.
And they both, that’s a long story, they both got married at 17, 18. no,
Tania: actually my dad was underage and my grandma had to sign for him. So my dad was 16, my mom And my mom was 17. They were only three months apart. But when they married, my mom was already an adult, like, legal age, but my dad, it was still before his birthday, so he was still 16.
But the reason why they had to get married, was that from my mom’s side, her parents were like, you cannot go out of the country without getting married, cause they wanted the kids to get out during the war, right? to be in a safer place.
Arely: So… But basically that mindset of like, there’s no time to deal with your emotions.
You gotta like, deal with the things as it is, like find a job,
Tania: build a life. So in their case, like, the type of relationship that they were in, like, you know, getting that marriage preparation, like, they completely skipped that and they went, Straight to like, you know, getting married and moving to a different country.
Like everything, like the whole thing of processing, you know,
Arely: change, self-reflection, self-care, right. So when my sister started showing that in the conversations and like feeling not only like, like acknowledging that exists, like she feels these things. It’s like, Oh, I was like, Oh, like, so it is something that we can sort of talk about, or it’s like.
You know, so, that, that got me to think that, you know, there’s some worth here, like, cause I, that’s one of the things that I feel like I admired most of my sister is that she really has present herself, like, she has her, like, this is what I want, and I don’t want anyone to get myself out of the question here.
Like, I, this is what I truly want to do. and so when I saw that, like, confidence, I was like, where are you getting that from? So, so yeah, that’s how.
Erika: Love it. Okay. So let’s fast forward now. I’m curious. Thank you for sharing context as well about. You’re upbringing because you both bring up such a good and valid point.
it’s not your fault, like for those of you listening, it’s not your fault if you’re not able to be vulnerable and open with your family. When a lot of times that’s the norm and to your point, to both of your point, when your parents are in survival mode, literally fleeing a war for, to try to find safety.
Yeah, there is no time. To ask, Oh, how am I feeling? It’s all about survival. And, I know that funny. I know I’ve showed the high, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to you. I don’t know if I’ve done it this round yet, but pretty much for those of you listening, if you’ve ever taken a psychology class, there’s a Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
And at the bottom, it’s pretty much just like shelter, food, water. And then the next one is like physical safety. And then the next one is, connection and like self-esteem. And then the top of the pyramid, is self actualization. So once you fulfill the basic need, you move up to another level in the pyramid and then you move up and you move up.
So when we think about your parents were literally just finding that safety of having food, water and shelter, right? They were at the bottom of the pyramid. So for them, the idea of self-actualization and becoming the best version of themselves, that’s just like all they really need is safety because They’ve gone through so much, but for you both being born in a different country and growing up with different resources, yeah, of course it makes sense.
Like you, you do want to become the best version of yourselves and you do have more access to information and knowledge that your parents didn’t have access to and what you’re both doing is. You’re healing generations, right? Because you could have gone your entire lives just like, deal with it and never talking about your emotions.
And whenever, Arely, you mentioned that Tanya, was like, would talk about things and let herself cry, I was like, wait, she didn’t do that before? And I think I’m just so used to being in this space now where It’s not uncommon for us all to cry on a call, right? It’s not uncommon for us all to show up so vulnerably.
And I forget that this isn’t what was part of normal life, even just a few years ago for me. So, now what is it like? Now what is it like having both of you, having gone through three months of the program, And which, you know, this is how, like the program would have been done if we would have kept it the same format that it was before, but now it’s a year long.
So you’re all only three months in, but even three months in, tell us a little bit about what the dynamic is like between you both. Now that you have both gone through similar experiences in the program. And Arely, I’m sorry, Tania, we’ll start with you and then we’ll go to Arely. Okay.
Tania: I, what I, appreciate more is that I can debrief, like, throughout because, I feel like I like how I started at Purpose Driven Latina, did it on my own, got the idea of, and it was actually my first time I did a group coaching program.
So let alone life coaching, and specifically in our context. as, POV, POCs and, that perspective on, like, courage, even though at the time it wasn’t called courage and purpose, It was my first time, getting to hear other experiences of other hispanas or other women in their different contexts and getting that idea and learning from their learning, right?
And then moving towards, okay, now let’s apply that or, kind of more focus in my context when I did your one-on-one, when we did our one-on-one. And then it was nice to then transition a couple of months later to, or I think it was a year later, or time later to now where I am now, the things that I want to focus on now, but do it differently in the sense of bringing back the group coaching, but going also even more deeper with my sister.
So, Because I really like how we can now we go once a week, we have the coaching call and then we also have the modules as well. So for those that, that are listening, if it’s if you’re the type of learner that is like one on one or like independent, you also have that option. But if you’re also the type of learner that you like to engage with others and interact with others and listen through other experiences, that’s another way as well.
And then. In my specific context, I’m also the type of person that I need to be like, one on one, so I have my sister, like. Across the hall, like, if, like, if I’m going through something, now we have more deeper conversations and our framework, so to speak, when it comes to analyzing what we’re going through either at work or, like our interactions with people at work
Arely: or our dating,
Tania: or whatever we’re going through, like we, it’s, I like how now it’s different in a deeper way.
And I like the growing aspect. It’s not easy. It’s not, these conversations are still like, we’re still figuring this out, but I like how, we are seeing things in a different perspective and.
Erika: Great. And Aurelia, what about you? What has, what have you noticed? Since joining in the last three months, what has shifted or changed between you and your sister?
Arely: So definitely, I feel like, from my side, just conversation and the bond that my sister has, I feel like it’s gone much deeper. Yeah. Just because I feel like before when we used to have conversations.
It was more so her, converse that’s another thing as well, like, I’ve become more open on discussing things that happen to me, like, situations that end up having an emotional toll on me, or that I feel stressed out, or that I feel sad, because before, it was more so I would listen to my sister, try to give advice as much as I could, but I felt like I wasn’t actually listening because at the end of the day, behind my head, I was saying like, no, but the thing that she has to do is like, oppress this, like, she has to go in survival mode, like, like reflecting all of this is just wasting time, she just has to do action.
Tania: And just to add, and just to add, I do have to state and like, confirm that it’s true. I feel like now in our conversations, Aurelie is… more about what she is going through
Tania: Courage Driven Latina. It’s true. Lareli was more of like the providing advice or her saying, okay, I have to do this and this, but it wasn’t like, wait, taking a pause of what she’s doing and like thinking about what she feels or thinks about what is going on before she takes action steps.
Right. Yes. I just want to say that.
Arely: No, but like, definitely. I feel like just. to now not only express myself and then have her remind me of like, Oh, have you, why don’t we go, we literally one time when I was describing my situation, we went through the self coaching module together and it really helped me.
So it’s like having that. dialect and those terminologies and those like sources that we can fall back on to then help each other is great because it’s just like, if I can’t come up with something, she’s like, oh, wait, why don’t we do this or do that? So it’s like, it really felt like, First of all, it helped me tremendously a lot, just because, like I mentioned before, self-care wasn’t part of my vocabulary. I thought it was like, this is something that shouldn’t be done, but now having to deal through all of this, it’s like, not only am I establishing a greater bond with my sister, but it’s changing things that I thought I wasn’t going to change at all.
Like, the habits of like, people pleasing, or just like, Oppressing my emotions like it really opened the door to like many things that maybe just a better person I feel I mean also just a better sister because now I listen to her and I feel like I’m actually Listening and providing like, okay, you know what you’re saying?
I understand it. Like let’s just let’s go through it. Like let’s debrief So yeah, I feel like we’re deeper now in terms of sisterhood
Erika: I’ve got to tell you that like being just hearing you both explain what has shifted and changed. I could cry just listening because how beautiful is that you both have language and vocabulary to support one another or just really for you to rather than just, you know, push down your emotions and what you’re feeling and trying to just be solution oriented, you’re now holding space and you’re also allowing space to be held for you.
And that’s how healing happens. And I w I was just wanted to quickly mention the self-coaching model because it really touched on it. So for those of you listening, the self-claching model is a tool that we use inside of Courage Driven Latina. This is a tool that was created by Brooke Castillo, who’s the founder of the Life Coach School.
And it’s nothing more than this framework that helps you reframe the story that you’re telling yourself. It almost allows you to have more awareness as to what it is that you’re telling yourself about a certain circumstance. And it allows you to rewrite the story in a way that feels very empowering.
But when you have somebody to self-coach with, it is transformational, right? Because sometimes they can see blind spots that maybe you can’t see. And just overall, with the interviews that I’ve done, for this round thus far for Courage Driven Latina and just what I’ve seen in the past for success, the people that have the highest success rate inside of Courage Driven, Latina are the people who either reach out to community or know somebody in the program too, and then they debrief together.
So pretty much what you both just described that you do, and you still have nine more months in this program. How cool is that?
Arely: I can’t wait to see, cause it’s just the beginning. Like this, it’s just been three months. So just, I can’t just imagine like the next few months, like the next, like almost less than a year, but like.
Rest of the remains of the program how it’s going to turn out, but so far. I feel like it’s been great. Yeah,
Tania: I really like how like in my case having my sister is great because I’m I think we’re still the only ones like outside of the states so like After the calls or after we do an aspect of a module like we can debrief and touch upon it, but, like for the other girls in the program, I really like, how they also some of them live, like, not so far away from each other and, there has been times where they, like, see each other and, like, meet up, so there’s, like, you don’t have to necessarily sign up with A friend or, like a sibling, so to speak, you can, you, you will meet and connect with the girls in, or with the peeps in the program.
Definitely. That’s what I like.
Erika: Okay. So we talked about it only being three months and already so much has changed. Before we started recording, I was looking over your entry survey. So the survey before we had any coaching calls in it, one of the questions was, what is it that you’re currently struggling with and what is it that you want to work on while you’re in the program?
And one of the things that you wrote is, that ever since you were a child, you realize that you’ve always sought approval from others, especially from authority figures like parents, teachers, and supervisors. And. You never really reflected on what you actually want and who you are and would more lean into not being able to say no to other people and essentially people pleasing and not really being able to advocate for what it is that you want because you hadn’t really given yourself the time to even realize what it is that you want and just a few calls ago, I will never forget our conversation where You were just describing, you were like, this is all fake.
People are just being nice because they were nice. This was a, in a work meeting and you were just so done with being inauthentic. And it’s so crazy that just three months ago, you were like, I don’t even know what I want. And then. Like two weeks ago, it felt like you left the matrix. Like you had this spiritual awakening and you were just like, what in the world?
And even before we started recording, you had mentioned to me, I am almost a little worried that I might be rude now because I’m just so direct and I don’t think you could ever be rude. I think you’re just no longer living for other people and people-pleasing. So tell us a little bit about that transformation.
Arely: Oh, definitely. Well, I guess it’s, I guess it just, because we live in Canada, everyone’s so nice. So I think
Tania: that’s why. Yeah. So that’s why you’re like. You always be sorry all the time. Exactly. So
Arely: it’s like, if you are direct and don’t, like, you’re like, oh, wait, is something wrong with me? So that’s why. Are you okay?
Are you okay? No, literally, that’s what, that’s, I’ve been. I’ve been with this woman. that’s literally in the past. So besides that situation, I had, well, okay, let me trail back. So, basically, just to describe a little bit of context. I am in a, in a lab who is held by someone that is like a newly faculty member at the university.
So. I’m her first graduate student, so I became literally her right-hand person, and I helped her establish her lab, so, The relationship that we started off with was very, micromanaging, so it was like, Everything was controlled by her, she knew everything about me, besides that, she also wanted to be mentor.
So we had this sort of not necessarily employee-employer relationship, but like also her trying to be my friend sometimes and like trying to provide support. so in the end, like throughout all those years, I would end up having to do things that a normal person in a PhD program wouldn’t have to do, like carry on responsibilities, train people.
So I became very entangled with like, Not being able to say no, like anything that came up, even though it shouldn’t be part of my responsibilities, I would say yes. And then also on the outside, my supervisor being a micromanager would Like psychologically kind of manipulate in the sense of like, well, if you don’t do this, like that means that you’re not willing to do other things in the future.
Like it would ruin your career. So she would kind of have that sort of pressure on me. so it was even harder to say no. so. Until I got into this program, I noticed that if I kept my life doing that, it’s exhausting, like just pleasing everyone, saying yes to her. So, it was the first time ever because I’m trying to finish this program and write my thesis that is basically
A big, large summary of the past seven years. So it’s a strenuous process, under her eyes, under my supervisor’s eyes, my, the expectation is that I should be still 100 percent active in the lab. Anything that comes up, I should be able to deal with alongside writing this dissertation.
so once I got into the program, I realized like, no, like it’s, I can’t do this. Like this is, I know like she was able to do it her way. but I can’t do this. Like I have to set boundaries. so it was the first time. That I had a meeting with her. I let her know, you know, I tried doing this. I tried being 100 percent active and available for everyone and also write this dissertation, but it’s not working for me.
I need to be absent completely from the lab so that I could focus on this, which is my priority. she responded very negatively, like she said, I don’t understand, like, you, the expectation is that you should be doing both at the same time, like, things happen, you should be readily available for things that happen, and I was, I sternly stood my ground, and I said, no, because before that, I had self-coached, I had reflected, I had journaled, I had, I was emotionally prepared, which was the tools that Courage Driven Athena had given me, and I felt like I was able to have throughout that meeting, that courage.
Because usually in meetings like this, anything that came up, like the pastorelli would have been, Oh yes, I would definitely do it. Like you’re completely right. I, you know, I should probably focus on this. But this time I was, it was the first time ever that I didn’t feel the guilt, the shame of saying, you know, I need time for this.
Even though you have these expectations on me, even though you’d like for me to do these things, I’m saying no. And it was like, a big thing that opened the door to like this rooter Aureli, because now it’s like, before I would interact with people in the lab and for the sake of the, for the conversation, I would just like create small talk or try to have this conversation so that they could feel comfortable.
But now it’s just like, okay, where is X, Y, and Z? Like I’m not wasting my time anymore, or I’m not doing any favours for anybody. so basically I feel like I’m afraid that I’m being rude, because even my supervisor, I had a, just a side story. I had gone to the lab and I did not want to bump into her, but I ended up bumping into her when I was walking to my car.
So, she, that day I was fed up. And to make the long story short, I sent a video to everyone saying, this is how you dispose chemical waste. Cause no one does it. Cause I used to always do it for everybody. And I was angry. I was mad. I was fed up. So the first thing she said when we were walking to the car is like, you got angry to your lab mates today.
I’m just like, well, it’s been too long. And I had literally I had short, a short, like short answer, one word responses to her. She was like, and then because of that change of not being that bubbly Aurelia got to the point that she sent an email at 9pm that same day and she said the subject line of the email.
Are you okay? Because she was concerned, like I noticed, I don’t know if it was me, but I noticed that something was bothering you. Just wanted to let you know that I’m here in case you needed something. But I was like, I’m just not, I’m just not here for things that are not, like, I’m done. Like, I don’t want to please anybody.
I’m just authentically me. Right now my priority is to write and that’s it. Like I, that was it. So that is my transformation right now. So I feel great just having myself first. Yeah. It just feels, tremendously great.
Erika: That is a huge transformation in only three months. Congratulations.
Arely: Exactly. Yes.
Tania: And I need to add that Aurelie, when she started her, master’s and then PhD with this supervisor, She was a completely different Aurelie. Like,
Tania: she was very stressed out. Like, Like this supervisor, like she, like, because we come from a household where we, if we’re in a, if we’re at school, like we have to echan las ganas, then later, before like our jobs currently, like any volunteer work, any like part-time, like we have to give our like 200%.
So when basically
Arely: be the hardest working person in the room, like that’s
Tania: where we’re coming from. So like. Any, like, signs of… That you’re, we’re not doing like the job, the way that we had to, like, we would put a lot of pressure on ourselves. And Arely would put a lot, like Arely would put a lot of pressure on herself.
I’m just realizing I’m saying Arely.
Arely: It doesn’t matter.
Tania: like, there was many days that she would cry and like Elia would feel bad for crying. Like, why am like, you would be like, why am I wasting my time crying? I have to do this thing for my supervisor. ’cause it’s due, it was due it yesterday.
it, you know, it is not even, so it’s like, Your life and your mental health was so dependent on really building this What did you call them this lab of your supervisor? And of course like It’s great that she, as a woman, especially in this patriarchal aspect of, research and academia, it’s great for her, but to what extent, right?
like, Enistica, so, in your extent, like, how, like, all the things that you went through, and she has no idea the
Arely: stress that you
Tania: went through, the pressure that you went through, to the point where it did affect your health. it did affect and, and I’m glad that now it’s a different, scenario and that you’re happy because at the end of the day, each person is responsible for their own wellbeing and for filling up their own cup.
and I’m glad that now that’s
Arely: what you’re working towards. I just want, and also I just wanted to say or add that what you mentioned about being the hardest person working in the room, that was one of the things that I feel like I also felt like I, it felt like a deep weight that came off my chest just because having the supervisor who was literally a person that I, like, we all say she’s a robot because her father died during COVID.
And she still, we had lab meetings and she had, she was, we were having phone calls and she’s like, no, let’s continue having lab meetings. Like, I, like, I’m just like, how is this woman, like, I don’t understand. So she’s so like, she’s so ingrained into her job that when it came down to tell her, you know, I need to be absent.
Like, I need to have this only as my sole priority, which is writing. It was sort of acknowledging that. You’re not the heart quote unquote hardest person in the room right like hardest working person in the room right now because her expectation is that you should be writing from like 9pm to 1am and then working in the lab from like 6am to 8pm right so it’s like realizing that I’m not that was when I acknowledged it and just like, wow.
Like, the world is so much greater now, like, I was relieved because I’m just like, I require this time, like, I’m not the, I’m human, I’m not the person that can deal all these things because the past of Raleigh would have been like, you’re not able to do this, like, You’re the worst person in the world right now, like you shouldn’t be like, I don’t even know why you’re doing this PhD because you can’t even handle this, but now I’m just like, yes, I can handle this, but it’s just going to be in my own way at my own pace.
And I’m actually proud of like saying that this is like, this is authentically what I’d like to do, which I didn’t have any idea of the past, like before the program. So yeah.
Erika: Beautiful. And I just wanted to highlight something which, Tanya kind of alluded to this already, but It’s no accident that you ended up or it’s not, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that you ended up working with somebody who is obviously very much stuck in survival mode because it was something that was so familiar to your upbringing, right?
Where like your parents were in survival mode. And I’m sure if you ever complained about work, your parents probably said something along the lines of like, Oh, but like, you know, good thing you have a job. And like,
Tania: it’s great that you’re working in a lab. My mom says that all the time still.
Erika: Yeah. And I feel like when you, when you realize that you’ve been in survival mode and actually give yourself the chance to feel safe and acknowledge what it is that you want, and then advocate for yourself because your supervisor is never going to advocate for you because they don’t know what’s going on in your own world, right?
It’s our responsibility to advocate for ourselves. So I feel like being able to do that within the workplace is also then going to spill over to so many other areas of your life as well.
Arely: Definitely. And I feel like I’m already getting that change as well with my parents. Like there’s, starting this program not only has helped me with dealing with boundary setting at the job plate, at like the workplace, but also at home.
Like right now we both can’t financially be living by ourselves right now at the moment, but that’s our plan to go live together, somewhere. but I noticed that like a lot of the things that I. Wasn’t able to deal with at the workplace is coming from home, right? So that’s survival mode that being trying to be the hardest working person in the room not dealing with your emotions so when I was going through the program, I started realizing many things that I took for granted that then I started seeing oh That’s where I’m getting that from like the fact that my mom never does really show her emotions like literally one day She was you know Cleaning the kitchen and I heard, I was upstairs and I heard like a large thump.
And then when I went downstairs, she had slipped and fall and fell. And it was like a, she was having a bad day, so like she spilled many things, but it kind of came to a point where she kind of just like felt terrible and she kind of started crying and I’m just like, what’s wrong? and she’s like, I don’t know.
I’m just getting old. And then I hugged her. And when I wanted to stimulate a conversation. Having to debrief what she was going through. she completely shut off. Like she just like, you know, I’ll just continue like doing what I need to do. So I just started realizing like if, wow, like if I had continued going on how I was before without the tools that I have now, like I would literally be a reflection of my mom.
Cause I saw how she was like, she, I felt that she had things kept in. And if she, it’s her choice that she decided to keep it in, but it’s just, you know, Realizing that, you know, that shouldn’t be the case, that was like a big eye opener for me.
Erika: Yeah, oh my gosh, but how beautiful that you, I, look, your mom’s not used to this, but how beautiful that you were able to hold space for her and be there and she’ll take you up on it one day, I think, right?
But it’s just not, I mean, she’s lived her entire life not doing that and not expressing her emotions, but. I think that the best way that we can help heal generational trauma and heal like the communities by healing ourselves first. And that’s what you two are doing. And by watching you two, I have no doubt that your mom will come around and hopefully one day.
And if not, you know, you did what you can and it’s kind of ended with you two because. And that is just extremely beautiful. So thank you, Arely. And I know, Tania, I want to say Arely too, but she introduced herself as Arely. So I was like, I’m just
Arely: going to go with what she said.
You know, you know what, that’s actually another point as well. That I started realizing is that another people-pleasing thing I do, especially here in that there’s not a lot of rolling R’s, because literally I feel like the, I don’t know, maybe because I don’t have any social media, but, there’s not really a lot of Latina community.
Well, at least where we’re living now in Canada. so especially in the university that I’m working with, like working in, it’s really dominant. It’s like, it’s multicultural, but it’s not like, to have another Latino or Latina is like very difficult to find, or Latinx. so I, that’s my go to is just pronouncing my name.
Areli for those that are not Spanish speaking, but then I actually, the one person I found Latino, who actually is from California, his name was Emil, he’s Cubano, he said like, why don’t you just say Areli, and I’m just like, you know what, that is so true. We can do Areli
Erika: on this podcast. Most people listening can
Arely: roll their R’s.
Yes, exactly. So you know what? My name’s Arely. There you go.
Erika: Oh, I love it. Okay, Tanya, so for you, when you filled out your entry survey, you talked about a couple of things that you were struggling with. One of them, it was overall just like taking action,
And you felt like you were stuck in a rut and that you’d been in this rut for so long. And you talked about a couple of things that you wanted to work on, which was your fitness journey, as well as decluttering your space. And recently, on one of the most recent coaching calls, you realize that this is what you, this is the intention that you went into the program with.
But after you were in the program, you realized there was. different that you needed to work on. And this happens a lot, right? Where people join the program and then they think they want to work on something and then they end up working on something else. So tell us a little bit about what realization you had and how things changed and where you are now.
Tania: So at the time I signed up for Curation Latina, I, like my room right now is, it’s an organized. it’s, if you come in, I know where some things are, especially the things that I, you know, use on a, on the daily, but for example, for this interview where we had to find, you know, like a headphone with like the mic, we don’t have like the Spotify or not Spotify, sorry, the podcast mics, but we do have like the Apple.
microphone headphones. Yeah. With a little speaker there. I don’t want to stop like, like I haven’t used that in a long time and I’m like, um, but you know, I feel that the one thing that I feel that I think courage room Latina and the time that I’ve been with. Purpose Room Latina and Courage Room Latina is, you know, definitely reflecting and kind of like stopping and thinking of the thoughts because I could easily just get stuck in the idea that, oh, my room is messy and I’m more than just my messy room, right?
The room will get
Tania: It will. but I really like that the past two months, I didn’t, I wasn’t obsessed with that idea, but more so with, the priority of the healing because there was on one of the calls, we had to really kind of concrete what our courage project was and after being someone recommended me watching Casey Davis, and her decluttering journey and how essentially it’s just starting small and how we’re all worthy of a functional space.
That doesn’t, it doesn’t matter if it’s not aesthetically like, aesthetically looking like, you know, Mary Kondo of which my respects to Mary Kondo, but like, as long as You take your time, one step at a time, and you are taking care of yourself and decluttering your mind and your, for your well being.
I think that’s the first step, and then things will come in. So, I feel like, once, I think it was two weeks ago when we had the, or three weeks ago when we had the, we were broken
Tania: breakout rooms, or we were put into breakout rooms. our conversation just so happened where I reminded the group that, yeah, my courage product was decluttering in order for, or for it to be part of my healing and how healing will, my healing will happen through my decluttering.
I was reminded that yes, I’m not physically decluttering my room at this time, but the fact that I’m focused on bringing that work-life balance, which is another kind of courage product that I wanted to do is really part of that decluttering. Maybe not the physical room, but the cluttering my routine and the cluttering my day to day, right?
And going back to what Arely said, because we’re not used to, or we’re not in an environment, or we don’t come from a space and context where self-care and self-love, what, you know, is,
Tania: it’s going to take time to kind of not only bring it into your life, but really understand it and. And really see how it fits into your life because each person will have their own way of filling up their cup depending on, you know, their personality, but also depending on what they’re currently doing.
So, I feel like kind of discovering that and understanding that it’s all a process that really helped a lot because. I feel like we also come from a space where like, you know, one thing is focused or it works only one way, but no, it’s okay for one routine to look like this in this season. And then in the next season, wherever you’re at, maybe the routine or the way you do things, it looks different and that’s completely normal.
That’s okay. It’s part of the process. So, so, so yeah, I feel like I hope I answered your question, but that’s. Yeah, that’s where
Erika: I am. Yeah, and you brought up something that was really important as well You didn’t say it in this way But essentially what you were saying is that many paths can lead to the same destination, right?
Like there’s many ways to get to places and a lot of times we look at our Yeah, we look, we think, Oh, this, that’s the one way and I need to follow that one way, but there’s so many ways of doing things. And what matters is that you’re getting closer to your goal and what it is that you want to do. And that’s definitely something that we’ve seen within you.
And I mean, mind you, this is your third time working with me second time in this program. And that just goes to show that we’re always evolving as humans, right? There’s always something kind of new to get to, and you’re never going to get to a place where you’re done. learning or done healing because as you begin to experience more of life, you recognize more things that you actually do want to work on.
so I think the last question that I have for you all, we’ll start with you, Dania. what is a tool? That you or maybe like a piece of coaching or something that you’ve taken away from the program that you do outside of the Tuesday calls. So obviously we meet every week and then once a month we have our business call and then we do workshops.
But what is one thing that you use on your own time or maybe with Ali that has really been transformational for you?
Tania: journaling and. Talking like journaling two ways. So journaling and writing. So I have my, like a journal. . And I also have, the canny astro planner, so whatever. So I’m into astrology.
and I think I got into astrology through purpose, room Latina, as well. so I guess seeing different ways on just, and seeing other meanings, like trying to discover what, So in this case, astrology, that perspective of how one way to get to know yourself or discover how life can roll out through the movement of the stars and the planets, and reflecting on that, as well as whatever themes or
Arely: questions or whatever
Tania: we’re going through.
so right now, currently, I am still focused on trying to streamline my, How I plan and how I divide work and life and then going back to my fitness journey because it’s a little bit inconsistent at this time. and I feel like the journaling does help. So journaling in the morning and incorporating that in my morning and if let’s say because life happens and you know.
either if it’s my period or if I haven’t slept for like, you know, my seven hours a night, and I’d rather sleep in like half or another hour in the morning and I don’t journal in the morning. another thing that I do is journal, like I actually like record myself or I talk to my sister. I talk to my sister too.
So I feel like. That reflection piece through journaling, and if I don’t have my journal, audio, or just talking with my sister, those has, those have been the tools that have been helping me kind of just go through life without the self-doubt
Arely: or the
Tania: overwhelm, and if it, and if they do come, like I find myself now actually
Arely: stopping and
Tania: like, Reminding myself, okay, how I feel is
Tania: Let’s figure this out. Right. So
Erika: amazing. Thank you. Arely, how about you? What’s a tool or like maybe piece of coaching that you’ve taken with you outside of the calls that you still practice
Arely: on your own? So definitely, I do think the self-coaching, do you want to say it again? Okay, no worries.
Okay, go ahead. so definitely the self-coaching, model has definitely helped. and also journaling as well, because before this, I never journaled. Just the, like, just the thought of journaling is like, what am I supposed to write? . So . So I do that alongside each other. So I would do the self-coaching mod, model for anything that I’m going through, and then I would journal out.
Okay. The go more in depth for the feelings part. and also just I feel like being able to, debrief and have my sister sometimes as a coach. Yeah. So like it’s, you know, I’m going through this emotion. I don’t know how to deal with it. Let me express it and have my sister kind of. Be that one person I can rely on, and then I feel like the main thing that I feel like really helped in the Group call is that it gave me the opportunity to do things that I never really considered.
So in our community, I don’t know if I can mention her name, but Liz Torres does boundary, coaching and she, so I actually communicated with her aside from the calls and she gave me the idea of doing the automated replies for the emails, you know, which I didn’t think of doing. So I was like, you know what, I will like those little things and then her helping me out set boundaries, which was something that I feel like without those boundaries, I wouldn’t be where I am now.
it was something I really took away. from the program because I didn’t like, that’s something that never would have passed my head, but if I hadn’t been part of the program and met Liz, like I wouldn’t have been able to do that and then apply that to my life right now. And also like the deep bond that I have my sister now too as well.
Erika: Yes, exactly. And I always say this on every like client interview. I mean, I wish I could tell you all, Oh, Eric is just an amazing coach, but no, the reality is a lot of the transformation comes from. You being in community with one another because everybody has so much amazingness to bring and Yes.
so I feel like if I have one skill, it’s bringing amazing people together. And that is like my expertise. Let’s just bring great people together and then make magic happen from there. amazing. So I want to be mindful of both of your times. And, I’m curious if you have anything that you’d like to share with the listeners that maybe I didn’t ask you.
Arely, we’ll start with you. I’m sorry. Arely, we will start with you. Yes.
Arely: Yes. well, I guess. For anyone that’s listening that feels that, the phase of life that they’re going through is something that they’re stuck in or the mindsets that they think, are going to be always constantly with them or with respect to people pleasing or any pressures.
Literally, there are tools out there, Viva Latina, that actually help alleviate those things. Like, I feel like if I hadn’t been part of this program, like before this, I always thought I was like the one person that like, No one would understand. Like, I’m completely on my own. Like, I was one of those people that just, I wouldn’t have never thought I would be in a process like this, but I’m actually feeling like I’m a better person right now, just with the three months.
so yeah, so like it’s for those that really feel like they’re stuck within themselves. Like there’s going to be change, maybe not now, but like it will happen. And I feel like Courage to Latina has definitely helped me out a lot.
Erika: Wow. So pretty much what Arely is saying is you’re not stuck in the life that you’re currently in and you can make changes and that is in your power.
And I’m saying wow because It’s only been three months. We’re just getting started. I’m so excited. We have to do like a, another, like a part two of this whenever you’re both done with the program so we can talk about where you are then. amazing. And, Adelie, you are not on like Instagram or anything like that.
Are you on LinkedIn? Are you anywhere that you’d want people to connect with you?
Arely: Well, I do have a LinkedIn account. It’s just a really crude Chris Sanchez and then my photos there, to be honest, I don’t know how to share it. So, but if anyone, because I literally, I, side story, I tried. Well, before social media ever happened, I only had, what was it?
Messenger. And then I tried getting into it, but I just, I never checked it. So it was like, I have nothing now. but yeah, if anyone wants any help with anything, just like. Maybe shoot me a message on LinkedIn and I will reply. Perfect.
Erika: That sounds great. Tanya, how about you? Anything I didn’t ask you that you would like to share with the listeners?
Tania: no, I think this was a pretty good interview. Actually, just to reflect out loud, I’m still going through a lot of, like, overthinking things and, like, self-doubt. And I feel like it’s important for me to say that out loud because that happens and that’s okay. I feel like for the listeners that are out there, if you are an overthinker, if you self-doubt yourself all the time, like, that won’t be you.
Like, once you decide, you know what, I want to, I don’t want to be an overthinker anymore. I don’t want to self doubt or I don’t want this to take over. Maybe you’re not an overthinker. Maybe you’re just a creative thinker that just needs that time and space to just let your thoughts. Oh, right, like seeing The, you know, the negative, so to speak, traits that you think you have, there might be a positive, right?
So that being said. I think that this interview was great, more so for me to get to know my sister more, to see, like, I was actually really nervous to do this interview, excited, but nervous because I’m like, who would want to listen to an episode of Dos Hermanas? That are non-entrepreneurs that are, you know, listening, or maybe there is, I don’t know.
I mean, I feel like there has to be another conversation about that. Like the education system.
Arely: And you always bring up teaching all the time. I thought it was going to be the first time that you would have been,
Tania: I did. I almost did a good job. I almost did a good job. I always talk about it all the time.
So, like, mis historias
Arely: with los chicos. She lives and breathes teaching. Yeah. So, it’s like the one thing. It could be a good example. exactly.
Tania: and then there’s, of course, the dating life, right? Like, there’s, like, the non-teacher. There’s, like, the Tania teacher. There’s the Tania sister. And then now…
You know, the Tanya dater. We’re
Arely: going to have to do another episode
Tania: on dating. Yeah. We’ll have to do another episode for sure. And then I don’t mind it being like, I’m just brainstorming out loud here with you. Like it could be like. Other like, pretty driven Latinas that are also in the dating game and like, you know, making like a dating episode, right?
So I love it, you know, what we
Erika: should do We should do an episode on how you could use all of the Courage Driven Latina tools and apply them to dating like self-coaching Like before ends like the pizza analogy all of those different things can apply to dating too. Well, we should totally do that Amazing.
Yeah, where can people find you and connect with you?
Tania: so I have, do they call it X now because I still call it Twitter, but the X, that’s how it’s called, right? Okay. I’m at, it’s Mademoiselle, so M L E Cruz Sanchez. I don’t know if I have a dash in there, but you’ll see my face and then that’s this, I think it’s the same picture as the LinkedIn, we’ll put
Erika: all of your links down below
Tania: in the show notes.
Yeah. So I could also be messaging my LinkedIn. I also have Instagram, but I’m currently, so that’s another. Craig’s project that I have postponed, of like getting back into Instagram and being more active on Instagram, but more so, with my teacher Instagram, because I have a personal one. So
Erika: you want to grow your personal brand as a teacher and as an educator,
Tania: which I wanted to be except like, I want it to be not my personal account, right, just for personal reading reasons.
But, but yeah, those are my. Social
Erika: media. Perfect. And to let you both know, the reason that we invited you on is because specifically because you’re not entrepreneurs and because you’re sisters, like, that’s exactly why we wanted you on, because, um, you know, I want to say about 50 percent of the people in Courage Driven Latina don’t have business goals and that’s totally okay.
That’s why we have the separate business call. This is more about a program to help you lean into courage, whatever it is you’re doing, whether it’s dating or setting boundaries at work or setting boundaries with your family or being the first in your family to go to therapy, being the first in your family to invest in a program, things like that.
So this has been such a wonderful conversation. I, my heart is just so full. I’m so glad that you both joined and Are active and come to the calls and help one another. Thank you both so, so much and I will see you on our Tuesday calls.
Tania: you. Thank you so much, Erika. Thank you.