If your thoughts are always about someone else with the greatest job, or the most incredible business, or the most amazing second husband, then you are trying to tell yourself something. It’s not that your life sucks and you should feel bad about it. It’s that you want what she has, so go get it for yourself. 

It sounds like you want to raise your standards, try something new, or explore something better than what you already have. It’s time to stop comparing yourself and start manifesting. And if you need some help getting started, this episode is for you. 

In this week’s episode, we’re talking about how to stop comparing yourself to others and start manifesting your goals. You can’t reach your goals if you don’t set any. And you can’t contribute to your own success if you don’t work at it. Your comparison is telling you that it’s time to glow up. Listen to this week’s episode to learn how to get out of your comfort zone and start manifesting your biggest goals yet! 

Resources Mentioned:
EP. 185: The BFF Method: Manifest Anything by Rewiring Your Mind

Follow Erika on:
Instagram @‌theerikacruz
TikTok @‌theerikacruz
LinkedIn

Website:
http://www.theerikacruz.com

How to work with Erika:

Sign up for the free webinar “ You’re Not Stuck, You’re Scared” here!

Join the waitlist for the Courage Driven Latina program here.

Join the waitlist for the Magnetic Mastermind here.

Podcast production for this episode was provided by CCST.

Episode Transcript:

Erika: Hello. Hello [00:01:00] friends. Welcome to this week’s episode of Chin Out Revolution podcast. This is your host Erica Cruz, and before I went on my trip, I just got back last night from almost three weeks in Italy and before I went on my trip, I surveyed you all on my Instagram to VO on what my next free training was going to be and one of the topics that got a lot of votes and I ended up not choosing.

Was all about how do you stop comparing yourself to others and start manifesting your biggest. Goals. And because I didn’t choose that for my free webinar that’s coming up on July 14th, I figured I would do a podcast episode on it today. So if you have ever found yourself comparing yourself to somebody else, or maybe you have found yourself saying something like, oh man, see, I know that I’m feeling, I knew I was behind that person already started the business or already has the job title, and you really just have that thought of.

She’s [00:02:00] ahead or he’s ahead, or they’re ahead and I’m behind. Then this podcast episode is for you. I also want to validate that if you have found yourself comparing yourself to others, there’s nothing wrong with you. It is human nature to be wired for connection and to look to others for. Inspiration and for guidance, right?

And also we, we are just a community focused species. Of course, we’re going to look to, to other people and we wouldn’t survive on this planet on our own. So there’s nothing wrong with you but the problem. That comes up when we are stuck in comparison is when that comparison doesn’t allow us to go after our biggest goals because we’re so focused on other people’s success that we end up not contributing to our own because all of our time is spent comparing ourselves to others. Before I get into this very important and juicy episode, I just wanted to give you all a quick update. [00:03:00] I just got back late last night from Italy and most of my time in Italy was spent in Southern Italy. This is the second time I’ve gone. I also went last June, and it is such a different environment than being in Rome or being in Florence because I also went, I first went to Florence and then I went to Rome.

And then I went down to Southern Italy, but Southern Italy reminds me a lot about a lot of my mom’s village in Mexico where it’s a little bit more rural. There’s more farmland. People don’t typically speak English. So it was just so nice to be in a slower paced environment. And then to make it all better, we happened to be also by the beach.

So we went to the beach almost every day. And I wanna say after about. Three or four days of being in Southern Italy, I literally felt myself slow down. 

And because it is a nine hour time difference from California, it meant I pretty much had all the morning and all the [00:04:00] afternoon. Without my phone really ringing, without Instagram notifications, without text messages, without phone calls. And it really allowed me to be in the present moment.

And I had a call with one of my clients earlier today, somebody who was a private client, and she said to me, you know, you look so recharged and relaxed. And I do feel that way and I didn’t do a lot of work. And you know, I think typically I would’ve found myself. I made myself feel really guilty for not doing work.

But I think the, actually the act of allowing myself to really rest, I did come back energized and refreshed and here I am, literally right after I landed recording this podcast episode. I already went to kickboxing. I already had two meetings. I already made food. I already, um, got my nails done, and then it’s Friday.

So I’m looking for, okay, what else do I wanna do today? And I do feel re-energized. It’s crazy that when you actually allow yourself to rest. It does lead to creativity. So just wanted to share that really quick. So let’s get into the episode. Okay. So [00:05:00] after coaching. Over 275 women in my program, courage Driven Athena, plus many one-on-one clients, plus about 20 something people that have been in my mastermind.

I can tell you with complete certainty that comparison is something that comes up a lot. So if you find yourself comparing yourself to other people, I want you to know that nothing is wrong with you, nothing is wrong with you at all. But there is one main thing that I’ve noticed, and it is that when we find ourselves comparing ourselves to somebody else, typically we are only comparing ourselves to a certain area of their life.

So let’s say that your goal is to go and start a business. Chances are you’re going to compare yourself to other people who have started a business, but. Just because in that one area of their life, they are quote unquote ahead of you, right? That’s what you’re telling yourself. You’re telling yourself that they’re ahead of you.

You’re not [00:06:00] looking at their complete life, right? Maybe you’re already, um, a parent and maybe you actually love the job that you’re at, but you also wanna start a side business and maybe for the other person they’re like, damn. Like, I really wanna become a parent. That’s something I really want. So. While we look to others to compare ourselves in this specific area, chances are that they don’t have their life together in all areas of their life.

People will send me messages about my extensive travel history. Yeah, I was like, what’s the word? My extensive travel history. Or they’ll send me messages about creating content or about a podcast, or about having the courage to leave, leave my job. And while, yes, these are all accomplishments of mine, it doesn’t mean that my life is perfect.

I still haven’t figured out exactly where I’m going to be moving to. I was thinking it was going to be la a lot of other things came up and I ha I’m not living in the most ideal. [00:07:00] Situation right now. I mean, I, I’m very grateful for it. I’m grateful to be with my mom and to be able to support her, but this isn’t where I wanna be long-term.

I didn’t think I would be almost 35 still living at my mom’s house, right? So it’s so easy to compare your life to mine when you have no idea what’s actually really happening in my life. And that’s why I think. Being vulnerable and sharing some of these things is important because you can look at me and think, oh my gosh, Erica’s life is perfect and there’s so many things I’m trying to figure out right now.

Yes, my business is, is good. I, I love what I do. I have found my purpose. But even then, like sometimes business will be up and down and we go through challenges and it’s. So easy to look to other people, people and think that the grass is greener on the other side, but we’re only looking at the limited view we have of their grass, right?

We’re not looking at all of the grass. We’re not looking at everything. So what I’ve learned through coaching so many people, it’s that you can’t compare [00:08:00] one area of your life to another person’s and make that. Mean everything, because that’s only one area of your life, right? Like I have so many friends that are single and they’re looking for their partner and they’re like, am I ever going to meet someone?

But yet they’re like these baddies. And then you’ve got other women comparing themselves to my friends. They’re like, oh my gosh, these girls are business owners or these girls, uh, own homes and blah, blah, blah. And. The person who’s comparing themselves might be in a very healthy relationship and have these different things, right?

So people are always going to have other things that we might not have. But that’s not the perfect, that’s not the basis for comparing yourself and your complete life to the other person. And I see this in courage driven Latina all the time. Of course, we’re going to focus on the things that we want to manifest, right? We we’re going to focus, if what you want is a career pivot, you’re gonna focus on. [00:09:00] Wanting a new career, and you might compare yourself to other people who have what you consider a dream job, or if you want to become a business owner and you want to go full-time in your business, chances are you’re probably going to compare yourself to other people who already have done that.

but what I want you to know is that. Nobody has every area of their life figured out. Even if they do, just like we never stop growing, right? We always wanna level things up. So you might be looking at me and thinking, oh my gosh, Erica’s business is perfect.

And me behind the scenes, I’m like, okay, like what needs to change? What do we need to improve? How can we make the program results better? How can we market better? Should we try this other thing? So it’s like, even if. You’ve reached a certain level of goals. We’re we’re humans. We’re wired for growth. We’re wired for more growth.

So just as a quick reflection, I want you to think about. Who you’ve been comparing yourself to and what area of your life that is. Is it business? Is it [00:10:00] career? Is it relationships? Is it travel? Is it, um, friendships? Right? That one’s a big one. Seeing other people, like every time I post my friends, people will ask me, how do you have such aligned friendships?

How do you find that? So really take a moment to reflect on how or what, what area of your life is the area that you’re comparing yourself to, and who are you comparing yourself to? And now think about. What do you possibly have that they don’t? What is figured out in your life that maybe that person is lacking

The biggest issue I see with comparison is that we make other people’s success our enemy. We look to their success as evidence that we are behind, or that it’s not possible for us. Like, oh man, that person already started this podcast. Well now I can’t do it. And again, the problem with comparison is when that comparison paralyzes us and it stops us from taking the action on the goals that we want to create. And this reminds me of a story that I’ve told [00:11:00] on this podcast before, but it’s such a good story and it’s it’s evidence of. The point I’m trying to, to put across here.

So let me tell you the story. The story has to do with my two dogs. If you follow me on Instagram, you know I have a dog named Paloma. But just a couple of years ago we used to have two dogs and Noah ended up passing on. He lived a very good life and um, we ended up putting him down just because he was losing a lot of energy and we learned he was anemic and it wasn’t something that could really be fixed with diet.

Um, they think it could have been like. Con cancer causing, but his health was declining pretty quickly and he was not in a lot of pain. They gave us, uh, medication and we ended up putting him down, so he went really peacefully. Of course, we were very sad about it because he’d been our family dog for about 10 years, maybe a little more.

And yeah, we were really sad, but Paloma and his name was Noah Paloma and Noah were little homies. And they were [00:12:00] homies for a few years. Like I think we had Paloma for about six years before Noah ended up passing on. And our dogs are total Mexican dogs. And every time they heard my mom making tortillas or heard myself making tortillas, the two dogs would come up and they would be so excited.

But Noah, because he was older than Paloma, was already missing some teeth and it would just take him a lot longer to eat. And Paloma is younger. She’s super agile, like. Even now, she’s 10 now and we still go on two mile hikes, like almost on a daily basis. And she’s good to go. She will run, she won’t run the whole time, but she’ll take little sprints.

She’s just a, a very active dog, and when it comes to food, she’s very motivated by treats or by food, so she would eat her food much faster. So I would make them little mini tortillas, and then I would make them into little tacos. And sometimes I’d even put like their dog food inside the tortilla so they could have like a little pebble taco.

Or if we had, you know, things that they could actually eat, I would put it inside. And so I would have their two [00:13:00] tacos. And typically I would give it to Noah first because Noah was older and it would take him longer to eat it. And Paloma was so quick at eating it that I already knew if I gave it to her first, she was then going to go try to take Noah’s.

So on this particular day I was, you know, they already knew that I was making tortillas. They already knew they were getting one. They were so excited. And I hand Noah, his and Noah, Noah, takes a bite of it and runs off to his little bed where he was going to eat it. And then I turned around to give Paloma hers, and Paloma wasn’t there anymore.

I was like, where’d she go? And I look over and she followed Noah to his bed to try to take his from him. And in that moment I was like, oh my gosh, this, I had like this download in that instant. And I said to myself, this is exactly what happens when we’re so focused on somebody else’s win and we’re following their wins.

We miss out on our own because Paloma was about to get her little [00:14:00] taco, but because she was so busy following Noah, she wasn’t there for it. So when we spend all of our energy and effort and time focused on other people’s wins and other people’s accomplishments, we abandon our own. So that means even if opportunities present themselves to us, we miss them.

We miss them because we’re so focused on other people’s wins and accomplishments. And I love this story because it’s a perfect example of how comparison is the thief of success, right? It’s the thief of joy. It’s focused on other people’s things. When we have our own, our own things. And the truth is, you know that what is meant for you, it won’t miss you. So long as you’re taking action towards the thing that you are looking to create. Because remember, manifestation isn’t just thinking, it also is doing. And if you stop doing, you’re going to stop manifesting. [00:15:00] [00:16:00] [00:17:00] I have two strategies that I wanna share with you on this podcast episode to stop comparing yourself and start to manifest your biggest goals. So the first strategy that I need you to focus on so that you can stop comparing yourself to other people and start manifesting your biggest goals, is I need you to connect to your bigger why.

Why is it that you want to start a business? Why is it that you want to have a career pivot? Why is it that you want to start creating content? Why is it that you have this specific goal and when you connect to your bigger why, you’re taking the spotlight off of yourself and off of other people and putting it on the intention behind your goal.

So let me give you some examples. Let’s say that you want to pivot in your career. [00:18:00] You wanna pivot in your career because maybe you want a more flexible job and maybe you want more pay. And why do you really want that? Well, ’cause you want more pay and you want more flexibility, right? You want more freedom essentially.

But why is it that you want the more freedom? Maybe you are a new parent, maybe you wanna spend more time. With your family or maybe you’ve decided, I don’t wanna wait to travel until I retire. I wanna start traveling now. And in order to do that, I need more freedom and flexibility and that’s why I want this career pivot.

And then what does travel help you do? Well, travel helps you have a more open mind. It allows you to meet new people. Right? There’s those are. Good wise, rather than, I just wanna make more money. Like, why is it that you wanna make more money? Or let’s say that you wanna start a business and you wanna start a business because you know that your business is going to change lives because your business is what you wish you had five years ago that you didn’t have, but it would’ve saved your butt [00:19:00] because that’s where courage driven Latina was created from.

It was the program I wish I had. And now that why isn’t just, oh, because. I think it’s cool to be a business owner. No, it’s because you legitimately want to help people and when you connect, connect to your bigger why. You are less likely to focus on other people because you shift your focus from other people or yourself or your insecurities, and you’re focusing on the reason, on the why behind wanting to do this.

And this is why inside of courage driven Latina, if you are encourag driven, Latina. Whenever we have you pick a courage project, the courage project always has to be tied to your bigger why, and that’s because when you have a why connected to the actions and an intention behind why you’re doing something, you’re less likely to give up and be distracted by things like comparison.

Because let’s say that your business idea is going to help kids. Why are you worried about what somebody else is doing? You should be worried about. [00:20:00] Making the most amount of impact with these kids. Or if you have a family and you’re like, I want more freedom and flexibility because I wanna spend more time with my family and be present with them.

You’re not gonna be focused on what Susie over there is doing when your intention is to spend more time with your family. An easy way of finding your why for your goal. Write the goal at the top of the page and ask yourself, why do I want this? And then do that like three to four times. So we’ll just use the career pivot one as an example. So why do you want a career pivot? Well, because I wanna make more money. Why do you wanna make more money?

Because I want to feel financially safe and secure and more free. Why do you wanna feel financially safe, secure, and more free? Because when I do, then I can be more present with my kids. I can take the sick time that I need. I can take, I can travel whenever I want. Do you see how asking why a few times really lets you get to that root?

Why? So that’s the strategy number one. The second strategy is that I want you to use comparison as a [00:21:00] compass. Here’s the thing, friends, we are not comparing ourselves to people who have a life we do not desire. We are comparing ourselves to people who have things that we want and. I wanna say the number one thing that I hear people desire is clarity.

People are like, oh my gosh, I just want so much clarity. Guess where your clarity’s gonna going to come from. If you don’t know what it is that you should be working on, or you don’t know exactly what your goals are, or you don’t know what you want, pay attention to your comparison. Who are you comparing yourself to?

Because comparison is not a bad thing if you’re using it as a compass. Comparison is only bad when it’s stopping you from taking action on your goals. Whenever you’re thinking to yourself, oh man, I’m not good enough, but that person is, or, oh man, that person already accomplished this, now I have to do it better, or I’m not gonna do it at all.

That’s when a comparison becomes a dream killer. But you can really use comparison as a compass because again, what’s for you is [00:22:00] going to be for you so long as you take the action towards it, so long as you believe you are worthy of it. And I know, you know, we talked about how to manifest your biggest goals.

Well, I would invite you to revisit the BFF Method podcast episode where I talk about the belief. How you have to believe that you’re worthy of this manifestation that you want F, which is forget reality. You have to forget your current circumstances because it’s not about what is right now, it’s about what you are creating in the future.

And then focus, right? So you need to focus on how you feel. As well as like what it is you want, how you feel when you have it, not how it’s going to come. Oh, and why it is that you want it, which I literally just shared with you as strategy number one. So again, strategy number two is you using comparison as a compass.

Whenever you find yourself comparing yourself to somebody, you can go down a rabbit hole of, oh my gosh, I’m not good enough. Oh my gosh, this person already did this. Or you can use it [00:23:00] in a different way and say, Ooh. I found myself comparing myself to this person who has a podcast and I didn’t know I wanted a podcast, but if I’m comparing myself, I should explore this.

What would I talk about on the podcast? How would it feel to have my own podcast? Who would I want it to serve? And just start exploring things like that. And remember connecting to your bigger why. Why is it that I would want to do that? So to quickly recap what we’ve talked about on this episode, the biggest issue with comparison is that we a lot of times can use other people’s success as our enemy.

This belief that because somebody else had success and we can’t have it anymore. It’s such a cultural thing. There’s this belief almost within. Our community that there can only be one person at the top. But the truth is that we can all be successful because we don’t all want the exact same things, but this belief that, oh man, somebody already had this success so I can’t have it.[00:24:00] 

That is scarcity mindset at play. And that in itself, that scarcity mindset is what blocks manifestations, because manifestation is all about believing that there is enough to go around. It’s about believing that there is abundance. Even if in the moment you can’t see it, and I want you to know that when other people have had success, that’s evidence that it’s possible.

Not the opposite, but a lot of us have been conditioned to believe, oh man, you know, that person already has success. So like too bad you already lost. Like this is not a competition. This is life. This is life, and everybody’s life is going to be very, very different. If you’re comparing yourself to my journey, it wasn’t until I was 29, 30 that I started my business at 29 and left tech.

I literally had a whole 10 year career before becoming an entrepreneur. And guess what? Before I was an entrepreneur, I was like, what’s my purpose? Oh my gosh. Like that was my biggest focus, and now I’m worried about other things. Now I’m like, am I ever going to [00:25:00] freaking have kids? Am I ever going to move away?

So I’m telling you, we can sit here and look to other people and think their life is perfect. It’s not. People are always working towards something. People are always looking to manifest new things, but the key to manifestation is leaning into that abundance, abundance mindset. Again, I recommend that you check out the BFF Method podcast episode if you want to learn more about manifestation.

We also talked about the, um, Paloma and Noah story and how when we’re so focused on other people’s. Accomplishments and wins. We can sometimes neglect our own. So beautiful things can be happening for us, and we’re not even aware of them because we’re so distracted looking to other people’s lives. I then went into the strategy. The first one is connecting to your bigger why. When you are focused on your bigger why, you’re less focused on other people. And then secondly, using comparison as a compass. We are never going to compare ourselves to [00:26:00] people’s lives that we don’t want to have. So we can use that comparison as information and as clarity for what it is that we want to create. And last but not least, if this podcast episode resonated with you, then join us for my free webinar, which is happening on July 14th at five o’clock Pacific.It is. The 90 day manifestation path to entrepreneurship, to courage, and a career pivot without feeling scared, stuck, or overwhelmed. If you’d like to register, I. You can join by using the link down below in the show notes.

If you follow me on Instagram, you can just type in the word manifest on any of the posts that are talking about the webinar, and I’ll send you the link so that you can register. Be sure to tell a friend as well. 

I know I talked about this briefly on the last podcast episode, but everything that’s going on with the, essentially attacks on undocumented immigrants and even people who aren’t undocumented, but everything that’s [00:27:00] going on in the community, I think it can be really easy to, to just want to hide and the people who are.

Undocumented and are affected by this. It makes so much sense that they would want to hide. But people like myself, who I, I’m a citizen. I have a platform, I have a voice. I feel like it is my responsibility. I. Two, speak up to do things and if you find yourself in this place where you do have a certain level of privilege, where you do feel safe showing up and and speaking up, I want you to know that now is a really important time for you to follow whatever it is that you want to do.

Whether you join my webinar or don’t. It really like that. That’s almost besides the point. Obviously I created my business to help women, to help women of color. Majority of them, majority of my clients are either daughters, daughters of immigrants or immigrants themselves. Obviously it’s focused on this community and I built it [00:28:00] to help them live their purpose and live courageously.

And I think that in this. Time when our community is being attacked so much, the last thing we wanna do is stay small. If you’ve ever wanted to follow your goals and your dreams, I encourage you that now is the time. Now is the time to take up space. Now is the time to lean into your power, to lean into your purpose, to lean into what it is that you were here for.

Again, if you are a DACA recipient and you are feeling really unsafe. Do what you can to take care of you. But if you feel called to support this community and you have a level of privilege like I do, I invite you to take action on the things that you want to do. And I know it can feel selfish, but when you are taking action on your purpose, you are uplifting the entire community.

You are going from being in this survival mode to being in this creator mode. And, you know, had I stayed in [00:29:00] my comfort zone and stayed in tech, like of course there could have been things that I could have done to, to give back in this situation, but. I feel like me following my purpose has helped so many other people as well.

Even with this upcoming launch, this, uh, at the end of the webinar, we’re gonna open doors for Courage driven Latina. Everything I kind of talked about today. We talk about encourage driven Latina, and I have frameworks to help you with it. But even with courage driven Latina, being able to donate a percentage of my sales to help immigrants, that is.

Amazing that I can do this. Like I, and I’m not saying this for you all to give me praise. I’m just saying like, I feel good about it. I feel good that I can do this and this whole thing happening. Yes, I could, you know, feel horrible and play small, but it’s honestly like feel to the fire. Like I’m just like, it’s fucking go time.

Now is the time for my community to show up 

and now is not the time for me to play small and I invite you to do the same. Okay, friends, thank you so much for listening. I hope you found this [00:30:00] episode helpful.

I will see you next week.