Sex can be a beautiful experience full of love and fulfilled desires. It’s this amazing expression of love and intimacy that you can share with your partner and with yourself! But to be able to reach the sexual freedom we all hope for, we have to do some soul searching. 

Jocelyn Silva is a Life and Intimacy Coach with over 13 years of experience helping people break free from limiting beliefs and fully embrace their sexual power. Once a Catholic schoolgirl who dreamed of being a nun (true story!), she now teaches clients how to embody confidence, connection, and pleasure—without guilt or shame. With a Master’s in Social Work and a background in sex education, Jocelyn’s approach blends psychology, embodiment, and radical self-love. She’s the creator of Pleasure Playground, a transformative group coaching program, and a passionate digital nomad who believes sexual empowerment makes life easier (and way more fun). 

In this week’s episode, we’re talking to Jocelyn about healing sexual shame, embracing pleasure, and cultivating self-acceptance. If you’re feeling sexually repressed, undesirable, or you feel like there’s something broken inside of you, it might be time to go on a journey of sexual self-discovery. The more you grow to love yourself and accept every part of yourself, the more pleasure you’ll feel in the bedroom. It’s all connected! 

Follow Jocelyn on:
Instagram: @iamjocelynsilva 

Website: www.jocelynsilva.com
LinkedIn: Jocelyn Silva

Follow Erika on:
Instagram @‌theerikacruz
TikTok @‌theerikacruz
LinkedIn

Website:
http://www.theerikacruz.com

How to work with Erika:

Join the waitlist for the Courage Driven Latina program here.

Join the waitlist for the Magnetic Mastermind here.

Podcast production for this episode was provided by CCST.

Episode Transcript:

Erika: Hello. Hello. Welcome back to this week’s episode of Ana Revolution. This is your host, Erica Cruz, and for today’s episode, I am interviewing a dear friend of mine and this is a good podcast episode we’re, it’s very in line with Chingona Revolution because we are talking about a taboo topic. Of sex and this guest is none other than my friend Jocelyn Silva, who is a life and intimacy coach.

She has over 13 years of experience helping people break free from limiting beliefs and [00:02:00] fully embracing their sexual power. Once a Catholic school girl who dreamt of becoming a nun. Yes, that’s a true story and you’ll hear a little bit about it in the interview now. She teaches clients how to embody confidence, connection, and pleasure without guilt or shame.

Jocelyn has a master’s in social work and has a background in sex education, and she blends psychology, embodiment and radical self-love in her coaching services, she’s the creator of Pleasure Playground,Which is a transformative group coaching program and a passionate digital nomad.

True story. I met her in Mexico City and now she is living somewhere else in Mexico, and she believes that sexual empowerment makes life easier and way more fun. When she’s not coaching, you can find her dancing salsa. You will not believe that whenever Jocelyn, and I met, I didn’t dance salsa yet, so.

We decided right after this interview, I have to go to Mexico so that we can go dance salsa together. whenever she’s not coaching, she’s [00:03:00] dancing salsa or exploring new countries or indulging in baklava. So you can follow her at I am Jocelyn Silva for more pleasure, positive wisdom. And we’ve linked all of that down below.

Let’s get into the interview.

Jocelyn: Jocelyn Silva, I feel like this is a long time coming. Welcome to Chingona Revolution. 

Hello. Thank you for having me. And yes, I agree. It is a long time coming. Yeah. So happy to be here. 

Erika: Yeah. We’ve been in each other’s worlds for, for a little while, and as you know, I’m a huge of your work and I feel like it takes a lot of courage to be a sex coach.

So can you tell us. Give us, well first tell us what you do and who you are. 

Jocelyn: Yeah. That amazing. Um, yeah. So my name is Jocelyn. I am a sexual empowerment coach and sex educator, um, and digital nomad. And, uh, yeah. I support individuals with breaking through mental and emotional blocks that get in the way of them embracing their full expression of sexuality and get to a [00:04:00] place where they feel really amazing with their sex and intimate lives.

In a nutshell, that’s what I do. 

Erika: Love it. And how did this come about? Because I mean, you didn’t always do this. So tell us about, tell us the story of how you became a sex coach and how did you tell your parents what you were doing? 

Jocelyn: Yes. Okay, so I’m just, yeah, let me give you the full scoop. Okay. So. I was raised in a very Catholic home.

My mom is from El Salvador. My dad’s from Mexico, so I’m first generation Latina. Born and raised in Los Angeles, and growing up I was very Catholic. I was an altar server. I was a lec. I went to Catholic school. I got a scholarship in eighth grade for being most involved in my parish. I was in the every year, like I was in Christian leadership in high school.

It was like I was very, very religious. When I was a teenager, I’ve also been, I’ve always been like a very horny [00:05:00] person. Like I’ve just been like, I’ve always had a very high sex drive. So when I started developing in my teen years, I had a really big internal conflict with like what the church was telling me about sex and like what I wanted to do with myself, right?

And um, I remember when I was 16 years old, I had a boyfriend, which was really bizarre. I wanted nun. But like we were teenagers, so of course we were doing like sexy things. And it got to a point where I was going to confession once a week because I was so scared of going to hell. Like my shame around my sexuality became very, very strong.

And a priest actually had to tell me like, you’re good with coming once a year. You don’t have to come once a week. And I was like, oh man, okay. My bad. Whatever. Right? But that led to like a lot of depression because I started just feeling like. God isn’t gonna love me because of who I am or what I do, or what I like or what I’m curious about.

Even though everything I was experiencing were just natural, like [00:06:00] developmental, uh, phases that teenagers go through. So I graduated high school, went into college and that’s when I fully immersed myself in. I joined the feminist club, the Queer Alliance. I took psychology classes, human sexuality classes.

I really started questioning my faith, and that’s when I was like. Oh my God, like sex is actually really amazing and interesting. I had sex for the first time. It was a beautiful experience, and I said, I cannot believe I’ve been lied to my whole life. I felt very, very, like, betrayed by the church and my family and all the things.

So, um, when I was 20 years old, my friend invited me to be a sex educator with a collective called Cooch Los Angeles. I fell in love with it and I said this what I wanna do. I wanna be a sex therapist. So I got my bachelor’s degree in gender women’s studies. I managed a sex shop for four years. I fell in love with it.

I got my master’s degree in social work with every intention to be a sex therapist. Um, but then when through a series of all these crazy things that happened in my life, I went [00:07:00] through a divorce. My mom almost died. Um. I, I finally came, you know, came, I was reflecting on, uh, what I wanted to do with my life and I came across this coach that I hired a life coach because I was feeling at time, time 19.

And she said, I know you wanna be a sex therapist, but have you ever heard of coaching? And I said, well, you’re a coach. But like, I don’t know much about coaching. And she actually supported me in learning how to coach. And I fell in love with coaching. So I’ve been a sex coach now for five years. I’ve been a sex educator for 15 now.

And uh, yeah, and in nutshell, that’s how I got here. 

Erika: Wow. And I’ve heard bits and pieces of this, but I love the journey that you just described, and one of the things that I wrote down was, I think you’ve always been spiritually connected. Right? And the way that you knew how to connect spiritually was through religion when you were younger, but mm-hmm.

I am curious how is sex something that is spiritual as [00:08:00] well? And how can that, how can you connect to your spirituality through sexuality, whether it’s with yourself or with somebody else? 

Jocelyn: Oh, I love that question. So I do not believe that religion and spirituality are the same thing. Religion is. How do I say this?

Religion is a tool that people use to gain spiritual connection with a being higher than themselves, right? So they use, you know, Catholicism or Buddhism or what, whatever, you know, some people don’t think Buddhism is religion, but you know what I mean, like some sort of spiritual practice, um, to connect with higher power.

And so for me, I, I fully believe that. Our creator, right? Creator, our higher power, the universe, whatever you wanna call it. Gave me my sexual desires, gave me my sexual expression. 

 So actually let me explain to you how I actually decided to be a sex coach because it’s [00:09:00] actually very spiritually intertwined. Um, so yeah, I believe that our higher power, the universe, God, whatever you wanna call it, has given me my sexual desire, has given me my sexual expression.

Um, and so for me, for a person to be fully expressed in their sexuality is. My, one of the one my, my, one of the things that came to me randomly, um, and I’ll bring this back, like I was randomly like thinking this and I was like, this really, I think for me, um, in a nutshell explains how I feel about my connection to sexuality and how I feel that God has given me my sexual expression and its pleasure is our body’s way of saying, I love you and I truly feel that sexual pleasure is God’s way of saying, I love you.

Like this is your body and this is like the pleasure that you, the euphoria that you get to experience from something that is naturally yours. Right. 

Erika: It’s [00:10:00] interesting. Need to make that your tagline and put that on shirts. 

Jocelyn: I love that. 

Erika: Or make stickers with it or something. 

Jocelyn: Thank you. Yeah, it’s beautiful.

Yeah, and I remember when I came to, I was like, God, that, that’s, that’s a really beautiful concept, you know, coming from, you know, going to fricking confession once a week to like, now believing that my sexual expression is, is such a beautiful gift, right? So. It’s interesting actually. When I started my business, my mom was in a coma, and you know, my mom is a huge inspiration for why I decided to be a sex coach.

Not because she’s been the most sexually empowering mother, but actually because she is a big reason why I’ve experienced so much sex sexual shame. But the reason why she was so overprotective with me around sexuality is because of her traumas. And what she went through, and I look at her and I think to myself, man, I wish my mom had access to coaching and education at her age so that she [00:11:00] could have healed through all of that and not have had so much sexual.

Um, for lack of a better word, hangups, you know, sexual trauma, sexual, uh, like blocks that didn’t allow her to be fully expressed, right? So when she was in the coma, I made a deal with God and I said, if you gimme my mother back, I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I went to an astrologist and they said, well, what do you wanna do?

And I said, I wanna be a sex coach. I’m like, great. That’s what you have to do. And I’m not kidding, Erica, the moment I decided to be that everything just like fell into place. And so I truly believe that the work I do is not just the job. This is my vocation. And I’m very passionate about supporting, especially Latina women in healing their sexual shame and blocks to get to a place where they feel fully expressed.

It’s fully connected to our spirituality, in my opinion. 

Erika: Yeah, I, I agree. I agree with everything that was just stated. So, um, one of the questions that I had for you, which you touched on now, so we’ll just jump to that, [00:12:00] um, was around why is it that women, specifically Latinas, experience so much shame around sexuality?

Jocelyn: Mm-hmm. You know, I think it’s really funny because. A lot of individuals have this idea that Latina women are like sexy and sexually open and like sexually like Yeah. Like fully sexually expressed. And I think it’s hilarious when people tell me that. ’cause I’m like, I grew up Latina. Let me tell you, that is not the case.

Like, um, you know, ’cause we see people like Shakira or like Jennifer Lopez, right? And they think like, oh yeah, Latina women are so sexually open, but actually growing. Yeah, 

Erika: in the news, the Spanish channel, it’s like they always have like the nicest butts and they’re wearing like the form fitting dresses.

Yeah. I think it’s just the media portrayal, so sorry. 

Jocelyn: Yeah. No, no, totally. It’s a media portrayal, but like growing up as a Latina in a. Latin household. I mean, the messages that I [00:13:00] received and so many other Latina women I know have received is that sex is a sin. If you have sex before marriage, like men are not gonna respect you.

Um, like, you know, like, like she just hung out with my grandma and she would tell all her daughters my ts. Like,

that was the message, right? Which means like, don’t let a guy touch you or you’re gonna.

So it’s like fear, fear, fear, fear. That like is pumped into us. Right? Because I also think there’s this pressure to like, you know. Succeed, right? Like, so in order for you to succeed, you have to not get pregnant. In order for you to not get pregnant, don’t have sex, right? But there’s never that education piece.

There’s just don’t do it. Don’t be touched by a man. Don’t. Don’t look at a man. You’re gonna get pregnant. And then once you get pregnant, you’re worthless. And that’s just like it, right? Um. So I definitely think the messaging from the culture, the messaging from [00:14:00] religion, right? Since Catholicism is so heavy in Latin America, and I think it’s also the pressure that we feel to be something, be someone in the world that our, our mothers definitely mean well.

Right? Um. But you obviously it has its consequences. I do think it’s also just like a very layered issue because then you have this other layer of like intergenerational trauma, which I think is like a really important piece to, to also acknowledge, like, I know that’s true in my family, right? Like for example, my grandmother on my mom’s side had nine kids with like five different men.

So my mom growing up witnessing that, she’s like, I don’t wanna be that way.

Was very, very, very, like, I just wanna be with one man. I wanna have one family. ’cause I don’t wanna be like my mom. Right. So that also then. You know, then she like poured that onto me and in the form of don’t have sex, don’t do it, it’s bad. Right? And then like now I’m left with like having to [00:15:00] heal all of that.

So it’s definitely a very layered issue. But I think that those are, you know, some of the things that I think Latin women in particular deal with. 

Erika: Yeah. One of the points that you mentioned that I hadn’t thought about was the pressure to succeed. I think that’s so important because our. Family has constantly been in survival.

And if they want us to get ahead, they don’t want us to get pregnant. And then, I mean, I don’t know about you, but like at first when I was younger, my parents, my mom, you know, was like, don’t get pregnant. Don’t get pregnant. And now that I’m in my thirties, she’s like, are you ever gonna have kids? Like, don’t now.

Jocelyn: That’s funny. 

Erika: Oh man. 

Jocelyn: She’s like, you can get pregnant now. I’d like for you to get pregnant now 

Erika: before I. Too old. She’s like, I wanna be able to like, you know, enjoy my grandchildren. Um, anyway, so that’s 

Jocelyn: funny. 

Erika: Tell me about, um, because you work with Latinas, but you’ve also told me that [00:16:00] you work with men as well.

Jocelyn: Mm-hmm. So 

Erika: what is one thing that, I actually wrote this one down, this is one of the questions that I wrote down. What do you wish more women knew about men whenever it comes to pleasure and sex? 

Jocelyn: That’s a great, great question. Okay, so by the way, I started my career only working with women, and then I started working with couples, and then I started working with men.

And let me tell you, working with couples and men has been such a game changer for my understanding of sexuality. It’s something that I’m still trying to learn myself in my personal and professional life, right? So something that I wish that women knew about men is that, or I think that everyone understands about the gender dynamics in heterosexual relationships, is that, and this is something that I’ve seen as a pattern in my [00:17:00] coaching clients, is that women are raised to be sexless emotional beings.

Are raised to be sexual emotionless beings. So a lot of times when men and women come together, women need a strong emotional connection to be able to have healthy sexual right, um, relationships, and men need sex in order to be able to open up emotionally. And a lot of men have a really hard time putting their feelings into words because they were never taught to experience their feelings, right?

So suddenly things happen to your body and you’re like, I don’t know what’s going on. And then we look at these men like, what’s wrong with you? Right? Men look at women, like, what’s wrong with you? Right? And then there’s a really hard time that people have understanding their partners. And so I think that understanding this one phenomenon can really support individuals in like.

Knowing how to navigate [00:18:00] relationships, knowing that, like men, understanding that women need that emotional connection and doing the work to try to understand their own emotions. And then women understanding and having more patience with men, um, and their inability to really be emo emotionally. Um. To like express themselves, to have the ability to express themselves emotionally, which like I said, is also something that I’m learning in my personal life and I think is one of the most challenging things about heterosexual relationships is how we’re conditioned, right.

In our gender. 

Erika: Right? Yeah. 

Jocelyn: Mm-hmm. Yeah. 

Erika: Especially if you come from our culture. Right. Do you have any brothers? You do you have brothers? I do. I have two older 

Jocelyn: brothers. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I have an 

Erika: older brother as well, and I think our experience. As women in our family dynamics, we’re probably very way different than that of a, of our brothers.

 So do you find that a lot of women that you work with are disconnected from their bodies? [00:19:00] 

Jocelyn: Yes, 100% I would say so for sure.

Erika: And. How do you think that they can start to reconnect with, or like how would somebody know that they’re disconnected from their bodies? Because I don’t think people even know that that’s a thing until they work with somebody like you. So what are some signs that that women are disconnected from their bodies and what can they do to start rebuilding trust with their bodies?

Jocelyn: Mm-hmm. So I would say that the biggest thing to know when you are disconnected from your body is when you say things like, I don’t know what I like sexually. My boyfriend asks me what I like and I have no idea what to say. I don’t know how to answer that question. It stresses me out when my partner asks me what I want in bed.

If you are feeling that way, it’s because there’s a disconnect, right? So what that means is that if you don’t take the time to truly like pause and be like, what do I enjoy on a sexual level? Right? And even taking it a further a step back, right? Is [00:20:00] like, do you understand? How your body works. Let’s just start with there, right?

Do you understand what your vulva is? Do you understand what your vagina is? Do you understand where your clitoris is? Do you understand erogenous zones? Do you understand arousal? Right? Do you feel comfortable experiencing arousal or does arousal make you feel embarrassed and shameful? Right? So taking a step back and like understanding all those things first and.

Taking it a step further to paying attention, oh, I really like it when my partner touches me in this particular way. Mm-hmm. I really like it when my partner does this thing with me. I really like doing this thing to my partner or with my partner. Right. Then you start to feel more connected because you’re allowing yourself the ability to like ease into that experience of pleasure, right?

Mm-hmm. Because when it comes to sexual empowerment, I like to break it down to two different things, knowledge and courage. When I say knowledge, I mean like sexual anatomy, [00:21:00] knowledge of self, knowledge of partner, obtaining information around about yourself, like gathering data about your own sexual expression.

Erika: Yeah. And 

Jocelyn: then courage, having the courage to act upon. Those sexual things, right? So yeah, if you find yourself saying, I don’t know what I like, it stresses me out when my partner asks me that whatever they do is fine. There’s definitely a disconnect and there’s opportunity for you to learn and gain knowledge so that then you can have the courage to.

Relax, ease into it and enjoy whatever you’re experiencing. 

Erika: Yeah. Would you also say that the courage part is having the courage to ask for what you need or having the difficult conversations of like, I feel disconnected here, and is that something that you coach people on? Because I think what our culture has also trained us to do is to keep our thoughts and stories to ourselves and not communicate, um, especially when the topic is so taboo.

Like something like sex. 

Jocelyn: 100%. Asking for what it is that you want sexually [00:22:00] is incredibly important, right? And feeling safe enough with your partner that they will actually one, like hold whatever it is that you, that you desire. Safe, right? Mm-hmm. And two, that they have the desire to fulfill your needs, right?

Like that’s important as well. 

Erika: Yeah. So, have you ever had a client, a client who struggled with, um. Like, oh, I know I want these things, but I’m embarrassed to ask. And how do you coach them through asking how, like what, what steps would you give them or what advice would you give them so that they can ask?

Jocelyn: Yeah. Yeah, that’s a great question. So, I forgot how they said this, but I did a podcast interview several years ago with Curious Fox, this um, like organization that does like sexy, you know, media content. And I remember the way that the 

podcast host said it was, we are not used [00:23:00] to the taste of the language of sex in our mouths, right? So for a lot of us saying words like my clitoris, my vulva, my vagina, my breasts, my butt. It is really, really like scary because we don’t actually ever verbally say those things.

We have ’em in our head and we think about them when we’re having sex, but we don’t actually say them. Right? So when I’m working with my clients, whenever they say, oh, I’m really embarrassed. Oh my God, I can’t believe I’m saying this, or This is really shameful, or, oh, like, it’s hard for me to say that. The first thing is I have them say it to me.

So we practice it in, in, in coaching. So I have this workbook that I created that’s called Knowing Me. Knowing You, and it literally takes you from. It takes you from A to Z on like a full sexual experience. And it starts with time and time of day and setting all the way to aftercare. And I actually have prompts where I have my clients say, you know, when it comes to foreplay, I really enjoy [00:24:00] when you do do and then actually have my clients say it out loud during foreplay.

I really enjoy when you go down on me. During for a play, I really enjoy hot, passionate, make out session and kisses on my neck, right? Because when they practice it with me and they’re able to actually say it to me, they’ve already said it, right? So now they got that practice in and sometimes I’ll even have ’em say it like three to 10 times just to get them used to it.

Um, and that’s the cool thing about having a coach is that you can practice with your coach before you go and communicate that with your partner. So when someone experiences that, we practice that together, we go through a full sexual experience, I actually have them say the whole thing as if I was their partner.

Um, and then that supports them in really being able to get used to speaking, um, about those things and then get comfortable ultimately with their partners. 

Erika: Oh, that’s beautiful. That’s very aligned with how I support my clients who are, as you know, inside of courage driven Latinas. Sometimes people are like starting coaching businesses and a big thing that they [00:25:00] struggle with is I’m having a hard time introducing myself as a coach, so I literally have them write it out.

And say it to me, say it to the group, say it in the mirror, say it in the car and just practice it over and over. ’cause I think you’re so right with what you mentioned, even though we know the words, we’re not used to saying them. So would you recommend that people have this conversation with their partners?

’cause I am a firm believer that everybody should be having conversations with their partners even if things are great, right? Like they should know that you enjoy what it is that they are doing. Or that you prefer that they don’t do something if you don’t want them to do that. 

yeah. When, when is the best time to have this conversation? Would it be when they are in bed getting ready for these things, like in the moment?

Or is it better to have a separate conversation? 

Jocelyn: Not in the bedroom? Mm-hmm. You know what? It depends because every single person is different. Right. I’ll give you an example. In my personal life. I can talk about sex all day, every day. It does not matter. [00:26:00] Like before sex, after sex, you wanna gimme feedback, tell me that something’s wrong.

Cool. Let’s do it. Like I, I don’t care. Right? My partner does not like talking about sex after sex. Like that’s not the time that he wants to hear feedback, right? So what I would say is that there needs to be preliminary conversations and the pre preliminary conversations need to sound like this. Like, Hey, if I have feedback for you sexually, when is the best time for me to have that conversation with you?

Hey, if I would like to express an A sexual need, when is the best time for me to bring that up to you? Hey, if I need something in our relationship in general, right? Sexually or non sexually, when is the best time for me to bring that up? Another question you can ask is, how would you like me to bring this up?

Would is the type of communication that you will be most receptive to. Right. Some people really like direct, like, Hey, I would really love it if you stop doing this. [00:27:00] Cool. You got it. And some people need more feelings like, Hey, like I’m feeling a little disconnected. I would really appreciate if you did this instead of that.

Right? Like a little softer. So having preliminary conversations with your partner, how do you like to be communicated to, when do you wanna be communicated to? How would you prefer these conversations to look like? And then understand and navigate that before you bring them up. Is a really, really, I’m realizing very, very, very important to do so that you don’t run into unnecessary communication mishaps.

Erika: Amazing advice. 

Jocelyn: 

Erika: what role does mindfulness or just kind of being in the present moment play whenever it comes to, um, intimacy and, and sexuality? Because we hear women. We hear that women have like their to-do list and their their mind is somewhere else.

So what can you share with us about either a formal mindfulness practice or how can we be more mindful, and why is it important for us [00:28:00] to be mindful to fully experience pleasure? 

Jocelyn: Yeah, that’s a great question. I mean, mindfulness is everything. I would, it, it’s absolutely everything. Right? Um, like, okay, so again, those preliminary questions, right?

So when I go through knowing me, knowing you with my clients, the first few questions is, what’s your favorite environment to have intimacy in? And what time of day do you like to have intimacy in? Right? And in those questions, like I’m realizing how important it is for people to like pause. To ask themselves like, okay, when is best for me?

It’s really fascinating because sometimes my clients will say, morning time, afternoon, evening, right? But most of the time what I hear my clients say is when my kids are all asleep or my kids are taken care of, when my to-do list is done and ready, when the room is clean. Right. So it’s not a specific setting or like time of day, it’s more just like.

There are these things that need to happen in order [00:29:00] for my brain to be clear so that I can fully relax and enjoy the sexual experience because there’s so many different responsibilities, right? In everyone’s lives and people that have so many things weighing on them that like, it’s not sexy to think about like, oh my God, are the kids, have the kids eaten?

You know, like, what time is it? Like I need to, I need to put the laundry in. Like I have something to do for work, right? So mindfulness is everything. So what I would say though, because even I think the word mindfulness can, a lot of people don’t fully understand that. So, and to make it as easy as possible, what I would say is ask yourself the question, what makes you feel most relaxed?

Right? When do you feel most relaxed and receptive to sex? Right? So what supports you in feeling calm? Is it when your to-do list is done? Is it when the kids are asleep? Is it when you’re done with work? Is it on the weekends? Is it in the mornings? Is it in the evenings? Right? And then asking yourself that question could [00:30:00] really support you in being more present.

Right. I would also say that if you’re noticing that you have a million things on your mind and your partner’s trying to initiate intimacy with you, invite them into your internal landscape. You know, let them know like, Hey, I’m actually, I have a lot of things on my mind right now. I have X, Y, and Z on my mind.

Talk about it. Process through it. Right? Maybe have your partner help you with it. Right. Um, and I could be really supportive. Like I’ll give you a good example. So I have this couple client right now and it’s really interesting because the wife often complains about all the things that she has to do in the home, but she never asks her husband for help.

So we came up with this little routine where after dinner. They will drink a tea to hang out and hang out with their daughters. ’cause that’s like their routine. They have tea after dinner and then he is gonna help her put the dishes away. And they’ve been doing this now for the past three weeks and she’s like, oh my God, it’s been such a game [00:31:00] changer.

She’s like, we hang out. He helps me out. And then like, I’m not stressed out. The entire time. The, the simple answer was asking him for help and he just was like, I’m super down to help you. Like if that means you’ll sit and have tea with me and hang out, like, sure, I’ll help you put the dishes away. It’s not a big deal.

Right. Um, so I think inviting your partner into that space is important too, to support you in being more mindful and being more present and, um, and more relaxed. 

Erika: This is fascinating because what I’m hearing you say with that story is that a lot of the like sexual issues people have don’t even have anything to do with sex.

Jocelyn: Oh no. I always joke around. They’re like, I reel people in with sex coaching, and I’m like, just kidding. We’re gonna talk about literally everything else because I very little sex problems have to do with sex itself. 

Erika: That’s very field fascinating, but it’s a place in which it magnifies when something’s out of balance.

Jocelyn: The 

Erika: bedroom [00:32:00] 

Jocelyn: 100%. Yeah. 

Erika: Yeah. Wow. 

Jocelyn: Mm-hmm. 

Erika: Wow. This is informative for me as well. Um, so I, I’m gonna switch gears because, um, I think I. People used to confuse us on TikTok. People thought you lying outta you. Do you remember this? 

Jocelyn: Well, okay. I was actually gonna say it was funny because when I was telling my partner about me being on this podcast interview, I still remember when I heard about you because I, I was on TikTok and I got a random message and this person was like, Jocelyn, you have a twin.

Like you have a double. And I was like, what? And she sent me a video of yours and I was like, who is she? She’s like, oh my, she’s also a Latina coach. And I was like, oh crap. That’s so funny. 

Erika: Yeah. And then, um, I, I was at a conference once and somebody said hi to me, like they knew me and I’m pretty, and I never knew like who I.

They thought I was and I think they thought I was you and it was in la Oh my gosh. It actually make a lot of sense. But yeah, and then [00:33:00] people will be like, do I know you and I, I get that a lot. But anyway, I feel like it is the biggest compliment ever because um, as soon as I saw you likewise, I was like, oh, I’m so aligned with her.

Um, and especially because, and I’ve told you this privately whenever we first met up in Mexico City, but I was very disconnected from my own sexuality growing up. Like I was so. I, um, one of my mentors was like, you’re lit, literally like a Mexican man. Like, you don’t wanna show emotion, you don’t let yourself cry.

You’re just like, I was very much in my masculine and I don’t think I had my first orgasm until I was 27, which is wild. Mm-hmm. And I’m sure that, I mean, there’s so much. Data on women, like never actually having had an orgasm. So like we don’t know what we don’t know. And I really do think that the work that you’re doing is life changing because when you connect to your sexuality and sensuality, it’s life changing.

Like it spills over to every other area of your life. I totally went on a tangent right now. This was not what I was gonna talk [00:34:00] about. So let me just ask you one question here and then we’ll go back to TikTok ’cause I had a question about, about TikTok. Mm-hmm. So, um, what have you, I mean, I’m sure you, I’m sure I’m not the only person that, you know, that’s been in a situation like this where like they were so disconnected from, from their sexuality.

And I actually think it’s no accident that the moment I connected to like self pleasure and that I more started. I started reading books about like my body and I started understanding like, you know, the book Come As You Are and like all these other books that were really helpful in me understanding my sexuality and things that I didn’t learn in school.

And that happened to coincide with me launching my business and me creating content and me being able to express myself creatively. So what have you seen connecting whenever people connect or whenever women connect to their sexuality, like what does that unlock for them in their lives? 

Jocelyn: Okay, so in order to answer that question, I think it’s really [00:35:00] important to, to understand what sexuality is, right?

So the reason why I’m such a sex geek. Is because I truly believe that anyone that owns their sexual expression becomes an unstoppable, powerful force because sex is the most vulnerable thing that we engage in as humans on all levels. Right. Emotionally, mentally, and of course physically you’re naked in front of someone.

You see you in, you know, compromising positions. Like, you know, it’s a deeply, deeply vulnerable experience. Yeah. Right. So when you can meet yourself at a deeply vulnerable place and own it and be okay with it, and be comfortable with it, and really relax into it, that creates power. That creates empowerment, right?

Because you’re pretty much saying, this is the most vulnerable part of me, and I accept it and I own it, and I’m proud of it. Right. [00:36:00] So when you think, okay, sexuality is the most vulnerable thing we engage in, in order for me to feel like an empowered person, right? I get to own and accept my sexuality, like that unlocks so much already, right?

Because what situation aside from sex is going to give you the same amount of vulnerability? Nothing is nothing, right? Because it’s the most vulnerable thing. So, yeah, I, I think that when you understand that about sex, you heal. You get to a place of acceptance, radical acceptance, then the sky’s the limit for you on all levels.

Erika: Ooh, I love the word radical acceptance. What would you describe that as for people who maybe aren’t in this line of work? 

Jocelyn: Mm-hmm. Well, radical acceptance for me is understanding who you are and what you desire, and. Owning it, 

Erika: like accepting and owning 

Jocelyn: it. Completely. [00:37:00] Like accepting yourself. Yeah. And owning it.

So, um, I’ll give you an example. A lot of the, a lot of the clients that come to me and my, and you know what I’m gonna speak about myself because I think that a lot of my personal experiences have really supported me in like, being so compassionate towards my clients. But why You’re such a good, for a 

Erika: really long.

Thank you. Right. Yeah, thank you. Because you’ve gone through it. Yeah. It’s what makes a good coach. Yeah. And people sometimes are like, oh wait, but I’m not perfect. It’s like, no, that’s exactly why you’re such a good coach. ’cause you’ve been through it. So, I’m sorry, go ahead. 

Jocelyn: Yeah. My sexual apartment journey has taken so many twists and turns.

I gave you like nutshell version, but there’s a lot. Right. And for a very long time. My biggest issue in romantic relationships was my inability to be 100% honest with my partners because of my fear of abandonment, right? So I would mold myself, you know, to whatever it is that I thought that they wanted [00:38:00] me to be, right?

Or like let go of the things that were important to me to keep them around, right? And that was not radical acceptance, and I had to learn the hard way. Right. I would lose myself in relationships and to this day, it’s still something that I struggle with. Right. So finally, like I got into a 12 step program for Sex and Love Addiction.

That was like, hands down, I don’t care. Even if you don’t think you have an addiction, everyone should do a 12 step program at some point in their lives. Because it completely changed my life and it was one of the most beautiful things I ever experienced. And in that program, I really learned that radical acceptance is being who you are, being 100% authentic, accepting who you are, being proud of who you are.

Without the ri, without the fear that someone will abandon you because of it. And that’s, that’s what it is for me, right, is saying like, this is who I am. Take it or leave it. And that shit is fucking scary. [00:39:00] Especially when it comes to romantic and sexual relationships. 

Erika: Yeah. Wow. I 

Jocelyn: think, uh, Gabo mate said it so beautifully.

Oftentimes attachment. Makes us forgo authenticity, we forgo authenticity for the sake of attachment. 

Erika: Wow. This is actually so alignment because last week’s episode was all about, um, non attachment and how like attachment is like the cause of our suffering. But the way I talked, it was like a solo episode, but the way I talked about it is like attachment is I was trying to control like other people or situations or outcomes, which.

We never have control, right? So it’s literally like a self-fulfilling prophecy of suffering. And through non-attachment is when we can actually find fulfillment and release ourselves of suffering. So I’m so glad that you, that you brought that up. You’re the like third person I’ve heard talk about. A 12 step program for Sex and Love addiction.

I also heard [00:40:00] Elizabeth Gilbert talk about it, who’s the woman who wrote, eat, pray, love. And she also wrote Big Magic. Uh, I don’t remember what podcast I heard her on, but it was, it like, as she talked about it, she started to describing, she started describing sex and love addiction. And I was like, I should look into this.

Like it was, it was very, um, interesting the way that she described it. ’cause it sounds wild. But you’d be surprised how many of us carry those traits. So, um, I’m glad you said that. 

Jocelyn: say, I always joke around that like sex and love addiction. Like sex and love addicts anonymous.

Right? Like it has like this weird name, but I’m like, they literally should just rename it to how to love yourself Anonymous. ’cause that’s literally what it is. 

Erika: Wow. Instead of looking 

Jocelyn: I to love yourself 1 0 1. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 

Erika: yeah. I agree. Oh my gosh. I love our conversation. Okay, so the next thing that I wanted talk about was TikTok, but that’s like what I had brought up.

Um, and this is more coming at it from like a content creator perspective and a coach and different things like that. So you grew [00:41:00] your TikTok account to what, like 800,000? 

Jocelyn: Yeah. And 

Erika: then what happened? Uh, I’m gonna 

Jocelyn: cry. I’m like still grieving. Yeah. Yeah. So I put my heart and soul into TikTok for four years.

And my TikTok grew astronomically during the pandemic to 800,000. Mm-hmm. And last year, it’s so funny, I’m not usually very susceptible to, to hackers and scams. I’m pretty good at that. But last year I got like an email that just seemed complete, completely legitimate. ’cause TikTok used to send me emails all the time.

Right. And I got an email that said, um. That they wanted to verify my account, and I was like, oh, for sure. Which 

Erika: would make sense. Gave my 

Jocelyn: information 

Erika: you’ve been featured on. Yeah. Yeah. Your account grew like Yeah, it all checks out. 

Jocelyn: It all checks out. I was like, oh, for sure. So I gave my information and as soon as I [00:42:00] gave my information, my partner was like, wait, check the email.

Like, how do you know this is real? And I looked and as soon as he said that I saw at Gmail, I was like, fuck, this is a fucking hacker hacked my into my account. They held my account for ransom, I wouldn’t pay them, and they wiped out my entire account and sold it to a random hookah company in Turkey. So all the 700,000 people that follow me on TikTok are now following this random hookah company in Turkey that stole my account.

Oh, I don’t have 

Erika: TikTok anymore. I’m so sorry. And I, I didn’t ask this to like make you feel bad or like shame you in any way. The reason I’m actually asking this question is because from my perspective, it looks like your business and you are still thriving. 

Jocelyn: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I would, 

Erika: I would even argue like maybe even more than last year.

Jocelyn: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I agree. 

Erika: Well, 

Jocelyn: that’s, it’s so funny because, you know, I’m not gonna lie, girl, like [00:43:00] the year before my TikTok got hacked, I had such a love hate relationship with TikTok. And, and I think that that’s what social media does to you. I think like, well, I’ll speak for myself. It may speak, it made me crazy for like a while, right?

Because I mean, could you imagine? I was like going viral, viral, viral, viral, viral, viral, viral. And then suddenly it like. Died down. And that really messed with like my self-esteem. It messed with my psyche. I was, you know, you make it about yourself. Like, what’s wrong with me? People hate me. Why aren’t I going viral anymore?

You know, it’s like, and it’s a numbers game. It’s an algorithm. Has nothing to do with you, but of course you take it personal. 

Erika: Yeah. 

Jocelyn: And um. So when it happened, I really felt like there was like almost this blessing in disguise where I was like, honestly, when it happened, I’m like, thank God. Get, like, get, give me, get me away from TikTok.

Like I’m, I don’t wanna be here. But now a year later I’m thinking back and I’m like, man, that’s a bummer. I really did put a lot of time and effort into that. I do miss the community that built there, but of course you and I built it once. I could build it again if I wanted to. Um, but yeah, [00:44:00] no, I don’t, I, I mean even at that time though, like 99% of my clientele does not come from social media.

Erika: I remember, I remember when we met me, when we met in person in Mexico City and you were telling me, um, which I found fascinating, but, and the reason that I bring that up is because again, with or without that, you are, are thriving. Like I think you are like just energetically I can feel your energy is in such a light.

Vibrant place right now. And I just like have to give you your flowers because it’s, it’s, I think a lot of people that I coach, they’re like, oh, I just wanna like grow. I just wanna do this. And they’re so hyper fixated on it. But here’s Jocelyn who grow her, grew her account to 800,000, lost it and is still here and still kicking ass.

And I think that as much as social media is. Beautiful. ’cause it connects us with so many people and different things like that. It’s also not necessary. [00:45:00] Not necessary. It’s not the only thing that’s gonna help you grow your business. And especially ’cause I, I can relate. I was on TikTok whenever my stuff was going viral.

Now I hardly even post on it. ’cause when I do, I get like 200 views and it’s like I should post just to post. Right. Not because of the views, but I totally know what you mean. Where like we fell into this trap of, oh, virality meant worthiness. And then we were like constantly seeking the viral. But whenever the.

The platform shifted and now like people are getting such low views, it’s hard to be, to initiate creation from that place, 

Jocelyn: so, oh my God. Almost impossible. 

Erika: Yeah. 

Jocelyn: Yeah. Actually, I wanna speak to this because I’m, I’m sure you have women that are coaches that, that are listening in as well, and I just wanna like, give the best advice that I can give.

Erika: Please do 

Jocelyn: to anybody who wants to be an online coach.

So think of it like this. This is the the biggest thing that [00:46:00] really, really helped me out. TikTok. I will always be grateful for TikTok because that’s what gave me my beginnings. That’s what gave me my very first clients, okay? But in order to grow an online coaching business, at least, you know, I’ll speak for myself and my experience is that it’s important that you ask yourself the question, where are my clients hanging out?

Right? Like where are they? So for example, I really enjoy working with, you know, 25 to 60-year-old individuals. Um. Singles, couples, you know, people that are pretty successful in their life. And there’s this one piece, they have a sexuality piece that they really wanna work on, right? So I thought to myself, where are my clients hanging out?

And to be honest, my clients are not hanging out on TikTok. My ideal client is not spending hours scrolling on TikTok. Right? And so what was helpful for me is understanding, okay, if I was a successful individual that was seeking support with their sex, you know, sex lives, what would they do? They’d go to Google.

They go to Yelp, right? [00:47:00] So I have a Google page and a Yelp page, and I started asking my clients to write me reviews. Right? Well, what happens is that when SEO search engine optimization starts to notice that, um, a lot of people from different places are seeking out your page, it creates credibility and then you start to rank.

So if you go, for example, on Google and you click in Sex Coach Los Angeles, I’m the first one that pops up. I’ve been up there for five years now and several of my clients have posted reviews. And if you go on Yelp, I’m also the first one that pops up in la, right? So if you’re a coach that wants to do an online business, I would say focus on search engine optimization.

When people go on Google, ask yourself, how can they find me? Starting a Google page, creating a website, and then optimizing a blog, right? So that when people start to like Google things that are in your niche, you’ll also pop up. But like social media is 100% not the only way. I would probably say that [00:48:00] it’s the most soul crushing way, and definitely lean more into SEO.

Erika: And one of the things that I wanna point out about, um. What you just mentioned, because like I, I can think, I already think of a bunch of clients of mine. Like I have one girl who’s an esthetician into skincare, and that was the first thing I told her. I was like, let’s start with that. Everybody that you’ve worked with have your friends like do this.

Everybody in the group help her with this. And one of the things she did was like the HydraFacial, so we like added keywords in there, different things like that. But what I like about what you just shared is like you’re currently. A nomad. Right. So you’re not in Los Angeles. Mm-hmm. Even though that is home base for you and you’re still able to do that even then.

So I think that’s great advice. 

Jocelyn: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. It’s really supportive. Mm-hmm. Beautiful. 

Erika: Is there anything I haven’t asked you that you’d like to share with us? 

Jocelyn: Let me go back to the question you did ask me about the trends. You know, I’m having a hard time thinking about my clients ’cause all my clients are so different.

But I will [00:49:00] say that there’s been something that’s been heavy on my mind that I’ve been reflecting on that I’d like to talk about. Yeah. Um, you know, I think that’s something that gets often, and I touched upon this very, you know, briefly, but something that gets touched upon, something that doesn’t get touched upon a lot.

Or someone that doesn’t get talked about a lot. And as it regards to, you know, sexuality and intimacy is like that piece about radical acceptance and that piece about like just being 100% yourself fully. You know, I think that, um, especially for women, I just read this book called Why Men Love Bitches, which like.

I, it’s like such an interesting book. ’cause I’m like, a lot of what it says, I’m like, this is not stuff that I agree with. But what I thought was interesting about the book is that it, it, it reflected a lot about the experiences that I’ve had in my life and a lot of women I know I’ve had in my life. And this idea that like, I will change who I am in order to keep someone around.

Right. Or again, like said mm-hmm. Forgo [00:50:00] authenticity for the sake of Right. Right. And I wanna say. If someone is having a hard time with it. Just like being yourself 100%, being authentically you and understanding who you are and loving that, appreciating that, and really accepting that can do wonders for your sex life, right?

Because then you’re not trying to pretend to be someone that you’re not. You’re being yourself fully. And also, wouldn’t you want someone to love you for who you actually are and not who you’re pretending to be? Right? So I think one of the most beautiful things that you can do for your sexual expression is.

Learn about who you are and then accept you are and like express who you are unapologetically, and that’s one of the most beautiful things. It sounds corny as hell, but it’s so fucking true. 

Erika: It’s because it’s hard, right? Like I was, as you were talking, I was thinking that’s the biggest advice we give kids.

Like just be yourself. They don’t even know who they are yet. Like 

Jocelyn: yeah, once you 

Erika: get to our age, you start to figure out who you are. Once you have some life [00:51:00] experience, once you were somebody else for long enough, then you realize that. That’s not who you are. And the authenticity part is, is difficult, and it requires that radical acceptance.

Yeah. Um, before I just ask you a few like rapid fire, final questions, um, I’m curious, where can people connect with you? How can they work with you? Like, should they go to Instagram, your website, Yelp, Google. Tell us all the, the 4 1 1. Yes, 

Jocelyn: all of it. All of it. So my website is www.jocelynsilva.com. Uh, you can also find me on Instagram and YouTube at I am Jocelyn Silva.

And you can go on Googling Yelp as well. And you can just look up Jocelyn Silva Sex Coaching, and then I’ll pop up 

Erika: and we will include all of these links down below in the show notes. So now to wrap up, what is either a book. A practice or a tool that has changed your relationship to sexuality that you wanna share with the listeners?

Jocelyn: Okay. My favorite one [00:52:00] being grateful for the pleasure that you experience. 

Erika: Ooh, this is a book. 

Jocelyn: Uh, no, no, no. This is a practice. Oh, 

Erika: this is a practice. Okay. 

Jocelyn: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um, when I was in the process of healing my shame, a lot of what I was experiencing was like feelings of ickiness and like grossness and like, oh man, why did I do that after masturbating or after having sex?

Yep. Or, you know, if, um, I was experiencing pleasure and then it went away, it would be like, oh, what happened? What’s wrong with me? Right. So just giving gratitude for my body, for experiencing the pleasure that I was experienced was like such a game changer for me. So after masturbation, you know, session, I would be like.

Thank you so much body for this like amazing orgasm you’ve just given me. Right? Thank you clitoris for working so tirelessly for me. Thank you vulva for, for giving me all of this pleasure. I’m so grateful for that. My, my body’s ability to experience sexual desire and pleasure. Beautiful. So gratitude was a huge, huge practice that really supported me and could be [00:53:00] really, really helpful in supporting others as well.

I think. 

Erika: Amazing. I agree with that. I totally can relate with the icky feeling after, and I’m sure everybody listening can as well. Um, what does being a sexually empower, like being sexually empowered, not mean like what’s a misconception people have? I. 

Jocelyn: I love this question. Um, the biggest misconception that people have when it comes to sexual empowerment is that it needs to look a certain way.

Ooh. That it’s like lingerie and high heels and lick sultry and like lots of oral sex and. No. Sexual empowerment is who you are, how you want to express yourself. If you are super fucking happy having sex once a year and you’re like, that is my jam. I have sex once a year, and that feels amazing for me, then that’s sexual empowerment.

If sexual empowerment for you is engaging in self pleasure twice a week and feeling amazing about it, then that’s sexual empowerment. If sexual empowerment for you means wearing lingerie. Amazing. If [00:54:00] sexual empowerment for you means wearing baggy clothing, but you feel sexy as hell in it, that’s sexual empowerment.

So the biggest misconception is that it needs to look a certain way. Mm-hmm. And sexual empowerment is not this cookie cutter idea. It’s whoever you are and how you feel about your sex life. If you feel great about your sexual expression, that is all that matters. That’s it. It doesn’t have to look a certain way.

What matters is how you feel about it. 

Erika: Beautiful. What’s one truth you wish every woman could embody right now?

Jocelyn: It is one truth that I wish every woman could embody right now. Hmm. That sex gets to be fun. That sex gets to be really, really fun, that you get to enjoy it and have fun with it. It could be with a partner, but it can also be by yourself. You can have a lot of fun by yourself. 

Erika: I agree [00:55:00] with that. I would 

Jocelyn: say that 

Erika: a hundred percent.

Mm-hmm. Beautiful. Jocelyn, this has been such a good conversation. You have been an amazing guest. I know that this podcast is gonna resonate with my audience. Um, I can’t wait to see you in person again and have more of these. 

Jocelyn: I know. Lemme know when you’re back. I know. Let me know when you’re in Mexico and let’s hang out.

I would love to see you again. 

Erika: Yeah, I, I’m thinking it’ll probably be soon, so I will Cool. Send dates your way. Thank you so much for coming on. Everybody listening. If you took anything away from this podcast episode, take a screenshot, share it to your Instagram or wherever it is that you hang out. Make sure that you give Jocelyn a follow check out her website again, all the links are down below.

Thank you, Jocelyn. 

Jocelyn: Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.[00:56:00]