Making friends as an adult is so much harder now than it was when we were kids. As kids, we made friends with whoever we had to be around. That meant making friends with our classmates in school, our teammates in our sports teams, and whoever was interested in the same hobbies as us. 

But as adults, we feel like we have two options—work and home. At work, we tend to want to keep things professional. So, how are we supposed to make friends as adults? I’ve learned that you can make friends by not being afraid to be alone. 

In this week’s episode, I will share how I made friends by using the power of solitude. I know it sounds counterintuitive but it really does work! By being alone I’ve made friends just by attending dance classes, traveling to different countries, and even while taking coaching courses for my business. I met some of my best friends in a coaching course! Listen to this episode to learn why being alone is the most important part of making friends as an adult. 

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Episode Transcript

Erika: Hello friends, welcome back to this week’s episode of Ch*ngona Revolution podcast. I just got back from a month, almost a month in Mexico and I was in a few different areas of Mexico, but I spent a lot of that time alone and I tend to get a lot of questions around how is it that you’re able to do things alone?

And then the other question, which is how can you make friends as an adult? Obviously when we’re in school, it’s a lot easier to meet new people. Um, whenever you like start a job and vibe with your colleagues, it’s cool. It’s easy to meet people, but what do you do if you’re traveling on your own? Or if you just want to learn how to make new friends and these two things are actually Very connected in my mind, the ability to do things alone is directly correlated with your ability to meet new people.

So over this month, I started the trip off with some incredible friends in Puerto Vallarta at our house there. So, um, if you’ve been following my journey, you know that my mom and I built a house there. It is her retirement house. And it was a whole headache while we were building the house. But now that it’s done, it is pretty amazing because I can just kind of buy a flight, go out there and we have a house, a car, all of that fun stuff.

So I hosted some of my entrepreneur friends and funny enough, um, I met them not because we went to school together, not because we work together. I met them because of social media. So I’ll talk more about how to meet friends in a second. But first, let me just kind of give you a little recap of, of my trip.

So I was with Kat Del Carmen, Karina F. Daves, Liz Fernandez, and Mariela de Mora. All of us are coaches. some of us are leadership coaches, others are business coaches, identity coaches, relationship coaches. I mean, just a great group of women. And obviously that first week when I was there with all of them hosting them, we had a ball.

We had such a good time. Some of the best memories were just of us in the house. And I remember just sitting there thinking like, wow, I never thought I would have friendships like this that get me on such a deep level. They get me from an entrepreneurial perspective. They get me from, like, being a woman of color perspective.

They understand the pressure of what it’s like to, you know, have to make money, right? And run a business because we’re not getting paychecks from somebody else. Like there’s just a level of understanding that they have. They understand what it’s like to create content. All of us have podcasts. They understand what podcasting is like.

So there’s just so much alignment there. And every single person has their strengths in the group. So when we get together, all we really do is talk about business and coach one another. So it was so, so fulfilling. And I remember sitting there thinking, okay, How in the world did I end up with these people around?

And the reason I ended up with these people around me and with these types of friendships is simply because I followed my purpose. I really followed what it was that I wanted to do. I built the courage to start the business I wanted to start. I started to create the content. I started to show up and I’m not telling you that you need to go and do this, but what I am saying is that it’s important for you to follow what it is that’s calling you.

Had I waited for somebody else to like tell me to do these things or to do them with me, I would have never started. It required me to start alone and all of us found each other along the path. And some of us found each other at the beginning of the path. Like Kat Belkarman and I became really good friends while we were in the middle of building our businesses.

Karina F. Daves actually ended up being one of my clients in the Tik Tok course. And then we both ended up in a mastermind together and then ended up speaking at a bunch of different conferences, and we got really close over the last couple of years. And Mariela and Liz and myself, we’re all in a mastermind together.

And that is when we connected and we just completely bonded. We were like the three Latinas in the, in the mastermind, like the three women of color that were in the mastermind. And we just were, We gravitated to one another and we ended up taking a trip back in like 2022. And that’s when Liz ended up meeting her now fiance.

And it’s just, it’s just beautiful to see where we’ve all evolved to, but these friendships would have, would not have existed if it wasn’t for all of us following what it is that we wanted to do. If it wasn’t for us following our calling to become coaches. And. And I think it’s so interesting, right? That like we get DMs a lot about, Oh my gosh, how do you find friends like that?

And it really is. You’re going to find aligned friendships when you are living an aligned life. And in order for you to find friendships, it requires you to be able to do things alone. So after that week, I ended up going to Mexico city with Liz for a little bit. I ended up going to go see family over in Guadalajara and then I went back to Mexico city and I was there alone because Liz was no longer there, but she let me stay in her apartment, which was super amazing.

And then I went back to Puerto Vallarta and I just ended up spending most of the time alone. Yeah. And I think people were really shocked whenever I would tell them that I was there alone. Obviously, if I met a stranger, safety first, right? I wasn’t just like, Hey, I’m traveling alone. Like I definitely wouldn’t leave with that.

Uh, especially if like somebody randomly who I didn’t know was asking me who I was there with. I was like, Oh, I’m with my friends. Like they’re going to get here soon. So, uh, safety tip. If you’re ever traveling alone, never tell people that you are traveling alone, but all of you who follow me. I’m usually not posting things in real time.

So I was getting a lot of DMS about like, Oh my gosh, you, you went alone. And it always shocks people, but I actually love doing things alone. So if you are finding that you’ve either outgrown friends or you’re looking to make new friends, this is the perfect strategy. To create new community and that strategy is to do things alone.

This doesn’t mean you have to go travel to a foreign country on your own or anything like that. I mean, hey, if you feel comfortable doing so and you’re going to be safe by all means do it. I mean, I’ve done a lot of solo traveling. I’ve done a lot of solo traveling in Europe. Mostly when I was working at the, with the tech industry with a company in the tech industry, I was traveling a lot to conferences on my own and whenever I had free time, I was on my own.

So I’m so used to going to restaurants and eating alone. I mean, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in Texas. Eating by myself or in New York eating by myself because of working in the tech industry and for some people that makes them really Uncomfortable and it’s uncomfortable at first because you feel like everybody’s watching you but trust me people are kind of doing their own thing So if you want to make friends I highly recommend that you allow yourself to do the things that you want to do alone.

And here’s why when you are alone, you are opening yourself up to meeting new people, especially if you’re doing something that you absolutely love. So when my friends were there, we had a fabulous time, but did I meet anybody? Nope. Not at all. Definitely made no new friends. Why? Because I was with my friends.

And it’s like, yeah, you, you talk to people at the restaurants and whatnot as, as a group, you know, you, you do talk to people, but it wasn’t like we were out making new friends. Like we were enjoying each other’s company and that’s wonderful and beautiful. But what I hear a lot from my clients who want to make friends is they don’t want to go out and do things alone and they stop themselves from doing the things that they want.

They want the friends to be able to go do the things with, but That is, if you don’t already have the friends, you’re going to have to go do the things that you want to do alone. So, let’s say that you want to learn to dance, just like I wanted to learn to dance salsa and bachata. I had to go to classes on my own, and guess what?

I ended up meeting a ton, a ton of people. And there’s so much beauty in doing things alone because When I was in Mexico, I didn’t have to go check on anybody else like, oh, are you hungry yet? Do you want to go do this? Like I was just able to do whatever the heck I wanted any moment I was able to work out in the morning or in the evening.

I was waking up when I wanted I was getting work done without worrying that somebody was waiting for me. I would go to different coffee shops I would start walking to one restaurant and change my mind and go to another restaurant And there’s so much beauty in being able to do these things alone, because you’re really just on your own schedule.

I will say this quick thing, because I feel like I’m kind of talking, I’m not talking in circles, but there’s no script for this podcast episode. What a surprise. There’s no, there’s no script, but I know the main points that I want to make, because these, Things became very obvious to me as I was traveling.

 so here’s the point that I wanted to make, if you feel really uncomfortable with your own company, get really curious about that. Get curious about why you don’t like being alone, because typically that means we are avoiding something. I’m not trying to like diagnose you all or anything, but I used to hate spending time alone and it wasn’t until after calling off my engagement and going through almost like the spiritual awakening that I realized spending time alone is actually a wonderful thing because I’m spending time with me.

Like, I’m really getting to know who I am because we are constantly evolving. And when I got started as a coach, my. type of coach. The niche that I was in was a self discovery coach. And one of the things that I used to say all the time, which I still stand by is that the self discovery journey never ends because every experience, every relationship, Every challenge you go through shapes who you are and we’re constantly evolving.

We are this beautiful evolution that doesn’t stop growing. We don’t get to this place where we’re just done. So giving yourself time alone is actually beautiful because it’s a great time for you to get to know who you are Get to know who you’re becoming, get to know what your new goals might be. And it’s also a wonderful way of getting in touch with your intuition.

And for me personally, I was going through a difficult time in my life where I needed to make a decision as to what I wanted to do and give giving myself that Almost month to myself was exactly what I needed. It just allowed me to take the pressure off. It allowed me to connect more easily to my intuition.

It allowed me to gain clarity around what I wanted to do with my business next. So spending the time alone is reconnecting you deeper to yourself and it’s allowing you to align to your deeper purpose, even But the other thing that being alone allows you to do, especially if you can build the courage to go to the dance class, to go to the concert.

Oh my gosh, I’ve gone to so many concerts by myself and it is wonderful because you get to go all the way to the front. If you want, you could get to be wherever you want. People are over there watching the concert. They are not watching you. They don’t know that you’re there alone. They don’t care that you’re there alone.

I’ve gone to so many concerts by myself, like at least four. And I swear those are always some of the best concerts. Especially because when I invite somebody to go with me and they’re not really into the music, then I’m worried about if they’re even enjoying themselves. Well, for me, it’s like, I just get to sing along and be in the element if that’s what I’m into, right?

If I’m the one who likes the band or the artist, I’m not worried about anybody else. I’m just enjoying my time and I’m in the present moment. And I really, really love that. And even at concerts, I’ve met people, right? And I know that they’re into the same things I’m into because we’re literally doing something that I’m into.

So if you can build the courage to go to a concert or go to a dance class, you’re going It is just a wonderful way to also meet people who are into what you’re into as well. I remember I had a friend when I worked in the tech industry who was really into writing and reading. I, I’m into reading as well, but I’m more into reading like self development and self help stuff.

Uh, she was like a writer, like a novel writer and character development and all that stuff. And some of her best friends, she met them at a book signing for an author she really liked. And then the other group she met in a virtual. writing group. So if you want to create intentional community, it is required that you go and do the things that you’re interested in, even if you do them alone.

There’s so much beauty in spending time with yourself. And there’s also just so much beauty that when you go out and do things alone, you’re so much more energetically open to making eye contact with somebody, to allowing yourself to make connections with other people. 

Dancing is a great hobby to pick up on your own if you want social connection because especially like a And I’m not saying like oh go to the club where there’s drunk people. I mean going to a dance club class where there’s an instructor and there’s other people there taking the class as well because typically the way dance classes work is the instructors will give you a routine that you are going to learn and you practice with almost everybody in the class.

You typically rotate. So it means you end up having this social interaction with others many, many times. So every time I went dancing, I made new connections. We followed each other on Instagram, but one particular night that I’m, I’m thinking of it. Yeah. I went out to an event. It was a Saturday night and I showed up and I paid for my entrance and then somebody came up behind me and she paid for her entrance and then she said, the NN wifi, do you have wifi?

But the way that she said wifi, I was like, she speaks English. Cause that’s how I say wifi. And that’s not how they say wifi here. So as soon as we got in, I like. Turned around and looked at her and I was like, do you speak English? And she was like, I do. And I was like, Oh, cool. And I was like, where are you from?

She was like, well, I live in Puerto Vallarta. And I was like, wait, what? Like we have a house there. She’s like, yeah, but I’m actually from California. I’m from Northern California. And I was like, no way. So am I. So it was just so wild. I’m in Mexico city at a dance event. There was a dance class. And then the event right after.

And I meet this girl who is from California from literally I can be at her house in like 20 minutes from where I live in California, but she also she’s so she’s from California, but she lives in Puerto Vallarta and I spent so much time there. And one of the things that’s been difficult for me in Puerto Vallarta is finding an aligned community just because my mom lives in an area where there’s a lot of retired folks.

So you get these like. Wealthier Mexicans or Canadians or Americans or families that are like, kind of like middle, high middle class in her, in her neighborhood. You don’t really get young entrepreneurs in that neighborhood. I like young entrepreneurs who don’t have families. And so meeting her was just like all the stars aligned.

And we ended up. going to dinner after like, I want to say a few days later, wait, I’m jumping ahead. We had a great time dancing. We can, we spoke a little bit then and we ended up following each other on Instagram. And then we saw each other the next day at a dance class. And then we were like, we definitely need to go get dinner before I leave.

Cause I was leaving before she was, and we had dinner and like, talk about an aligned friendship into spirituality. Also an entrepreneur also has a freaking podcast, like just so many, so much alignment, right. But and then somebody that I could go out dancing with. And she started telling me different places to check out in Puerto Vallarta.

And I’m just so excited to go back because now I have this friend, but I would have never met her if it wasn’t for me going out to dance by myself. So like, I know it sounds counterintuitive, but pretty much the message that I’m saying is. Spending time alone is really good for you for a few reasons.

Reason number one, you are going to deepen your connection with yourself and with your intuition. You are going to gain so much clarity. You’re going to learn so much about yourself. Reason number two is that when you allow yourself to go do the things that interest you, even if you have to do them alone, it’s actually great because you end up meeting so many people.

So many people who are also into what you are into. So let’s say you’re the only one in your friend group who’s really into cars and you want to go to a car show, but you’re like, Oh, but nobody can go with me. So I’m not going to go. That is a missed opportunity where you could have met somebody who obviously likes to do what you like to do.

Let’s say that you go to the car show and you meet somebody, a guy or a girl, right? And you’re like, and you end up vibing with one another. I don’t know. Next time you can decide to meet at the car show. Like, oh, there’s going to be another car show going on on this day. And if actually, if it wasn’t for this girl that I met, let me actually pull up her, um, let me pull up her podcast name so you can check it out too.

It’s all about human connection, which I love.

Okay, the podcast name is Greater Connection Pod. So, Kelsey and I just randomly met and then ended up having this amazing dinner. If you follow me on Instagram, I posted the stories on Instagram and we just had such a fliffy dinner. Filling conversation and she actually, Kelsey is the one who told me about, because I ended up extending my trip in Mexico city so I could keep dancing.

And on Wednesday, they have a dance event in the park and it ended up raining that Wednesday. And she was like, wait, there’s another event that’s going on. So she’s the one who connected me with this other event and it’s just. It’s beautiful how when you allow yourself to do the things that you want to do and you allow yourself to do them alone, that not only will you make these amazing connections, even if it’s just a conversation that maybe you wouldn’t have had if you didn’t go, or if it’s like a lifelong friend that you’ve met, or maybe, I don’t know, your freaking significant other, right?

Let’s say that you’re really into reading and you want a partner who is like really into reading. So you go. Yeah. to the book signings of the different books you’re into or the conferences of the stuff you’re into. So like for me, I’m really into spirituality. I’m really into self development. I’m really into law of attraction and not all my friends are going to be down for that and that’s totally okay.

That is so okay. and you know, if you do want to, like sometimes we stop ourselves from doing things because we’re like, Oh, nobody would want to go with me. Well, we actually don’t know that. So why don’t we first. Ask instead of making the assumption, but two, don’t deprive yourself of doing the things that you want to do.

Again, bringing it back to what I was talking about at the beginning of the podcast, I have this amazing group of friends that I could go to for anything, right? If I’m having relationship issues, I could pick up the phone and I can call Karina. If I’m freaking out about a launch or something about my business, I can call Kat.

If I need somebody to hold amazing space for me, I can literally just send a voice mail. know inside of the group chat that I have with Mariela and with Liz. Liz is also a therapist. She like specializes in helping therapists become coaches. So if I need a freaking therapist to listen to me, she can listen to me.

Mariela is just this, like, I swear she’s like a Swiss army knife. She’s a leadership coach, but also knows how to hold so much space. Like I feel like I can go to any of these, any of these women. for anything. And Maria, that’s just one of those people who allows me to, she, she validates me in such a beautiful way and hold so much space.

And I want this for all of you as well. I want you to have your group of people, but this group of people didn’t come because we were sitting at home, like complaining about our existing friend group. This group of people came about because we were all out being our authentic selves. We were all out creating content.

We were all out doing the thing that we wanted. To do doing the thing that we felt called to do following our purpose, and then looking at each other as collaborators, not competitors, because I mean, let’s also be honest, right? A lot. I mean, there’s there’s many times when if somebody works with one person, they don’t work with somebody else.

But you know what? The beautiful thing is a lot of the women that are my friends, we’ve actually shared clients. Like clients start working with me and then they end up working with one of them or clients have like been in their programs and then they join one of my programs. Usually people don’t just invest once, maybe they’ll invest, you know, one at a time, but typically people who are into investing in themselves are going to invest in themselves more than once.

So that. And we, we all learned that, right? We, I think, I think at the beginning it was a little bit triggering like, Oh my gosh, are they my competition? Right. Or even me meeting Kelsey, like, Oh my gosh, she has a podcast too, but there’s enough room for all of us just because you’re listening to my podcast doesn’t mean you don’t go listen to other people’s podcasts.

Right. Of course. Like I listened to more than one podcast as well. So it’s like, how can you also allow these friendships to come into your life? How can you allow these connections to come into your life? And knowing that. Collaboration over competition, because there’s enough room for all of us. And notice, like, all my friends I mentioned, we’re all coaches, but we’re all different types of coaches.

Another great way of connecting with people, which is actually how I ended up deepening my connection with, with most of these women, and actually how I connected with Mariela and with Liz, is that we were all in a mastermind together. And I mean, I’ve seen Seen the incredible connections that happen inside of Courage Driven Latina.

I mean, like it really does create lifelong friends and it, I’m seeing it happen right now in Magnetic Mastermind as well. And last week on the episode, I talked to you all about the doors opening at the end of October for Magnetic Mastermind and. Those dates have actually shifted and they have shifted because I am running a half marathon and I didn’t want the launch to be in the middle of the half marathon.

I’m a little nervous about this, but honestly, I trust myself and I believe that I can do hard things and it’s only 13. 1 miles. So I mean, even if I have to like literally jog and like, and walk, I can get that done. Like I believe that I can get it done. So I should probably start training though so that I could get it done in a shorter period of time.

But anywho, last week I talked about the doors for the Mastermind opening. At the end of October, and we’ve shifted those dates just a bit. So I wanted to give you the updated dates. So I am going to be hosting a webinar, How to be Magnetic, and that is happening on October 21st. That is a Monday. So we’re going to be opening doors on Monday, October 21st.

So be sure that you mark your calendar. Uh, if you’re on the email list, you’re going to get an email about it. More details to come in next week’s episode. So that is when the doors for Magnetic Mastermind will open. Feel free to join the wait list by going to the link down below in the show notes. And you can also check out whenever you go to join the waitlist, you will see the sales page with all of the info on there as well.

And on next week, I will give you all a little bit more details about what you can expect on the webinar, who the program’s for, and all of that fun, fun stuff. Okay, friends, thank you all so much for hanging out with me. I hope you enjoyed today’s episode and I will see you next week.