One thing I teach in my coaching program is how to let go of the need for control. It sounds counterintuitive, right? You need to have control of your life in order to make it better. But we also have to acknowledge that there are things we cannot control – and we cannot keep beating ourselves up about it. Which is why, this week we’re talking about surrendering as a strategy for success.

And when I say surrender, I don’t mean to give up. What we mean by surrender is to stop resisting. To stop fighting and to stop trying to control what you cannot control. It means that you still care, but you’re no longer clinging on to an expected result. And by letting go of an expected result, you can open yourself up to a world of possibilities. 

In this week’s episode, I talk about using surrender as strategy and how it can be applied to your daily life. So if you feel overwhelmed by your own expectations, this episode is for you! 

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Episode Transcript:

Erika: Hello, hello and welcome to Ch*ngona Revolution podcast. I feel like I have not recorded one of these solo episodes in so long. I’ve been doing a lot of interviews lately and whenever we are enrolling, I tend to batch record. So I try to record a few interviews or a few podcasts in a day so that I can free up time to do things like create more content or have consult calls and things like that.

So I am so excited after taking a break from recording podcasts to officially be back. I am finally feeling better. If you are one of my clients, then you know, I ended up having a sinus infection after having like some type of cold and really didn’t go away. And it turns out It was, um, like some type of sinus infection.

And even after antibiotics, I still felt sick for a little while. And quite honestly, I think what was happening is just my body was telling me, can we slow down Erica? Because from the holidays. So since last December or December of, you know, this last year, I have been traveling so much and doing so much in all of January.

I was on the go. I was refilming the videos for my program, Courage Driven Latina. I remade a bunch of different worksheets for it. I mean, there was just so much going on. And then I went to Nashville for my mastermind event. And then I went to Miami for a few days, and then I went to Austin and then I went back home for a few days, packed up my life, drove to LA.

And I’ve been in LA for almost a month now. And when, when I got to LA, then I started enrolling in the program. So it was just, a lot back to back. And I really do think my body was like, can we just chill? We are not meant to operate at a hundred percent, a hundred percent of the time. And today’s podcast episode, I want to talk to you all about the difference between giving up and surrendering and how to change a situation or a circumstance that you don’t really Enjoy.

So how do we effectively create change? Because sometimes we think it’s just like hustle, hustle, hustle. And that’s how we create change. And I also think it’s pretty fitting that I just spent almost a month, actually over a month being sick. And I still am a little bit congested, but I’m now on no medicine.

So I’ve like finished the antibiotics. I’m no longer taking Sudafed. I was taking Sudafed and Mucinex. because I would get so congested. I’m officially taking nothing, just my normal vitamins. And I still have a little bit of mucus, but sorry, that’s a lot of information, but I’m feeling so much better. But even just in my voice, I feel like you could still kind of hear the congestion.

And in this month, I almost feel like I was retaught this lesson that I want to talk to you all about today. So the thing is that we’re going to go Through hard times, right? We’re gonna go through low vibrational times, we’re gonna go through moments of doubt, moments of insecurity moments when we don’t like our situation and we want to change it.

So an example would be me being sick all month whenever I’m enrolling in my program and I’m trying to enjoy my life in la. trying to figure out like when I’m going to move. If I’m going to move, I’m trying to see my family. I’m trying to see friends. I’m trying to see clients while I’m here. Right. And it’s like, I just want to go, go, go.

And I just wanted to hurry up and skip being sick. But I want to give you a few other examples where maybe, um, you’re also in a moment where you want to change the actual circumstance and maybe you haven’t been sick, but perhaps you’re Maybe your friends and family don’t support your dream or your business.

And you really have been trying to change that. Or maybe you’ve been trying to land a new job and you’ve been applying to a bunch of different places and nothing has really worked out. And you’re really just at this point, like, I don’t even know what else to do. Or maybe you’ve been having a hard time getting on the same page with your partner.

Maybe you and your partner have had some disagreements and you’re just like constantly trying to see them, see what’s going on. And you’re constantly trying to get them to see either your point of view or to change the way that they’ve been acting towards you in a certain way. But maybe you’re just like conflict, right?

It’s just like there’s resistance there. Or perhaps you’re going through a moment of healing and it’s been very, very difficult and you don’t really want to continue healing, right? Like maybe you’re at this place where you’re like, I’m freaking tired. Like, this is bringing up. so much trauma. This is so difficult to face.

I feel emotionally unstable. And then the last situation that I want to discuss is maybe you’ve been telling yourself, okay, like I have to buy a house by the time I’m 30 or I have to do blah, blah, blah. By the time this. So maybe you have like this goal of yours and you’ve given yourself the deadline and you’re getting close to it and you’re not close to it, right?

And I think buying a house is such a like perfect example because culturally, I mean, at least my parents like that was a huge sign of making it and real estate is what actually got my parents further ahead because They have pretty humble jobs like yard work and cleaning houses. Um, you know, like, yeah, they, they could build some wealth, but I think what really helped them actually build wealth is real estate.

But obviously we are in a very different economical situation now. Um, I’m not sure if you’ve seen. The meme that says like how financially irresponsible of me to not like buy a house in 2008 when I was like 15 years old or something like that, right? But it’s totally a joke because Yeah, like housing prices are not what they were a couple of decades ago or a decade ago.

So let’s go ahead and get into talking about how to deal with these different situations. So chances are, even if you’re not going through one of these at the moment, you’ve gone through one of these in the past, or maybe you will go through one of these situations in the near future. And when we come across a circumstance that we don’t like, we have a few choices, right?

I think immediately what we do is we begin to take action towards trying to change it. And sometimes that can work, right? Sometimes it can work to like, maybe have a conversation with your friends and family if they don’t support your business. Or, you know, like if you’re trying to land a job, maybe just applying to a bunch of different jobs, like maybe you end up landing one.

So sometimes just taking action really does help you get to the next step. 

So sometimes taking action and making an effort to change it works, but then there’s other times when you just kind of hit a wall. And I want to talk to you about those situations where you just hit a wall and you are pretty much left with one of two choices. You can either give up, Or you can surrender.

So let’s talk a little bit about what these words mean. So giving up to me means almost like making yourself not care. Um, but you actually really do care. So what’s actually going on under giving up is you are avoiding and you are resisting Because you’re not really allowing yourself to face what’s happening.

It’s easier for you to just walk away from it. So how, what would giving up look like in these different situations that I just mentioned? So the first one is your friends and family don’t support your dreams. So you could maybe even give up on the relationships, right? Like, Oh, I don’t even want to talk to them anymore.

Or giving up can look like not following your dreams because you’re not experiencing the validation from these people. So like not going in. All in on your goals or on your dreams or on your business, because the people around you don’t understand what you’re doing, giving up in the situation of like trying to find a new job would be like, you know what, I’m just going to go like drive for Uber.

And I want to be clear, there’s nothing wrong with driving for Uber. I always remind my clients who are like starting a business. And if they’re having financial issues, I’m like, you can always create money. Is it the most ideal job? No, but like, you can always create money. You can always create opportunity.

You can go. Drive for Uber, you can drive for DoorDash. Like there’s so many ways of making money now. Um, is it your ideal job that you want to do forever? No, but like, that’s always an option. But in this example of like trying to land a new job and not finding one, it would be like, no longer applying for jobs and just like really.

Avoiding even applying for jobs anymore and just driving for Uber forever. Even if you know that it’s not what you want to do, instead of using it as a stepping stone to get you to where you want, or maybe it means like if your family has a business, like, Oh, whatever, I’m just going to work in the family business, or I’m just going to, um, like not get a job and I’ll just like figure it out.

Or like, I’m going to stay on unemployment, but you know that that’s not what you want to do. So that’s what giving up would look like. In the next example of, um, if you and your partner are like having a hard time and getting on the same page, what giving up would look like would be just avoiding the conversation in general, right?

Like maybe, you know, that you need something specific from your partner. You need them to communicate with you in a specific way. And if you just give up because you feel like you’ve hit a wall, then you are then, you know, Avoiding this need of yours and this desire of yours and then giving up can eventually look like giving up on the relationship, right?

Like not even really even giving it a try. If it’s on healing, it would be like, okay, maybe you’ve hit a wall with your healing and you’re like, I just give up. Like, I’m not going to go to therapy anymore, but then the trigger will keep coming up. Right? So you’re just avoiding it. So when you give up, you’re not, it’s not the same thing as surrendering.

And I’m going to get into what surrendering means in just a moment. Or let’s say like, Oh, I have to buy a house. Like I have to buy a house by the time I’m 30, or I have to buy a house by X year. What giving up would look like would be okay. Maybe you didn’t find something in your budget. Maybe the market shifted and like you hit a wall, right?

You hit a wall, like the actions you had planned to take didn’t align with what reality was. So what giving up would look like in that circumstance, Would be whatever. I’m just like never gonna buy a house. Like I just give up. I’m just gonna rent forever. And like, forget the dream. And you almost like throw the the dream away because it didn’t look the way that you wanted while, so I just gave you the example of what giving up looks like and all of the situations that we talked about.

Now let’s talk about surrender. And before I give you the example of surrender in all of these different circumstances, I also want you to know that there’s so many misconceptions around the word surrender. I mean, when we talk about, like, in war, right, surrender means to, like, give up. That’s not how we’re talking about surrender in this context.

We’re talking about surrender from the context of, like, mindfulness, of spirituality. And so it doesn’t mean to stop trying. It does not mean to give up. It doesn’t mean to not care. And it doesn’t mean to like let somebody take power over you because when you Google the definition, the first one’s like to let somebody take power over you.

That’s not what we mean here. What we mean by surrender is to stop resisting. Okay, I’m going to say this again. What we mean by surrender in this podcast episode is to stop resisting. To stop fighting and to stop trying to control. It means that you still care, but you’re no longer clinging on to an expected result.

It means that you are then trusting the universe, like whatever it is that you believe in, whether it’s the universe, whether it’s God, whether it’s mother nature, whether it’s your intuition, but you trust. That they have your back or that you have your own back and you trust that in the end It’s all going to work out.

Even if it looks differently than the way you want it to okay That’s a very big difference than giving up

and surrender a lot of times people are like, oh, well, yeah I’m just gonna give up right and they use the word surrender and what they are actually doing is giving up and I don’t want You to do that because there’s so much power in In surrendering because surrendering actually the way that we’ve just described it requires so much freaking courage When you are surrendering it means that you’re still going to take action Despite the result like it doesn’t matter if it ends up being a failure You’re still going to take action surrender doesn’t mean not to do anything And just like throw your hands up in the air.

Surrender means to stop resisting, to stop fighting, and to allow all of the discomfort of this circumstance to come up. And this is what I want you to do when you’ve hit a wall. I want you to lean into surrender instead of just giving up. Because giving up is avoiding. Giving up is not learning the lesson that you are being taught.

Surrender means you’re no longer trying to control the result and you’re staying open to the lesson that’s coming from this experience because every circumstance we go through comes with a lesson. And when we allow ourselves to surrender, we can actually see what the lesson is when we give up and avoid and just let go.

We don’t learn the lesson. And guess what? When we, we don’t learn the lesson. We keep being thrown into the same circumstance until we learn it, right? How many of you have gone through examples where you’re like, oh man, I’ve had so many similar Like job issues until I learned my lesson from the job issue or maybe like a lot of relationships, right?

You keep having the same issue in the relationship over and over and over And guess what? The common denominator in the relationship is you. So maybe you finally start looking at like, damn, maybe I had a little bit of a role to play here. Right? Like maybe I can change the way I’m looking at myself and how I’m showing up for myself.

And that’s going to affect the way that I show up in, in my relationships as well in a really positive way.

so let me explain this in a different way. Giving up would be, I’m only going to take actions if I get this specific result. Giving up is almost the energy of like fearing failure and like perfectionism and needing things to look a specific way. Surrender, on the other hand, is I’m going to show up and take action and be courageous and be vulnerable and I know that I’m going to be okay regardless of what happens.

That is coming in from like imperfect energy, from curiosity, from openness. It’s like the energy of giving up is very closed energy while the energy of surrender is very open energy. So let’s go through the examples from the lens of surrender and what it would look like to surrender to these different examples.

So the first one I gave is maybe your friends and family don’t support your dreams or your business. If you surrender, this means that you no longer resist that they don’t support your business or your goals. It means that you let them have their opinions and you’re no longer trying to control their narrative.

or their thoughts or their feelings about you, you let them have their own and you focus on yours. That’s what surrendering would look like. It would also look like learning that they don’t understand what it is you’re looking to do because they’re not doing it in their lives. So they probably aren’t the people that you should go to for advice or for validation or for guidance.

That’s what surrender looks like in that circumstance. And the next example that is you trying to look for a new job, surrendering again, it doesn’t mean that you’re stopping, that you’re no longer trying. It doesn’t mean you’re not applying for jobs, but surrender would look at this from a different lens of like, okay, you know, I’ve applied to 15 jobs of a project manager, for example, and I haven’t gone past the first interview.

So what is this teaching me? What’s happening here? I know that in the end, this is all going to work out and I can’t see the full, you know, vision. I know that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, but Do I even want to be a project manager? Maybe I should apply to a different industry. Maybe my resume needs to be reviewed.

Does, does that make sense? So it’s not like you’re not taking action, but it’s almost like you’re surrendering from trying to control and you’re no longer resisting. And what happens when you surrender is you start thinking of additional solutions that you wouldn’t have thought of before. So with this situation of looking for landing a job.

By surrendering, you aren’t resisting like, oh my gosh, I’m not having a job anymore. And that lack of resistance is what lets you be in flow. Maybe it gives you the idea of like, oh, I worked with this one person five years ago and I loved the way that they worked. Where are they now? Maybe I could reach out to them to see if their company’s hiring, or maybe I’m going to get my resume reviewed, or maybe I’m going to work with a career coach, right?

Like it just can open you up to so many other opportunities. Possibilities and so many other solutions. The next example is maybe you’re having a hard time getting on the same page with your partner. So giving up would look like just completely avoiding the conversation while surrendering would look at, okay, what is this thing that I’m holding onto with my partner?

And like this thing, I want them to give me, can I give it to myself first? Like maybe asking yourself that, or it can also look like, When you do have conversations, you’re not trying to control the way they’re acting or the way they’re feeling, but through surrendering, you’re almost a little bit more curious and more open to understanding their point of view, which then you’re more likely to come up with a solution together.

If you’re coming at it from this place of surrender. The next example is healing is hard. Oh, this is like the ultimate. For him of surrender, right? Like the reason healing is hard is because our Western brain are if you are in the U. S. your American brain is trying to tell you that there’s a right and wrong answer.

And healing is hella messy. Um, I forget who says this. I think her name is Ada. We, we were, we did a speaking engagement. together, but it was virtual. So I didn’t meet her, but she said, healing is ghetto. And I think that that’s so true, right? It’s just so it is ghetto. It really is. There’s no clear path for it.

And it’s so easy to want to give up on healing. But what we actually need to do is surrender and stop resisting. And we have to let it be messy and we have to let ourselves feel emotional. And we have to like, let ourselves go through the mud and not worry about showing up. Perfect. Because There is light at the end of the tunnel from healing, but you have to go through the mud and surrender is the only way that you’re going to get through it.

Cause if you’re trying to control everything, you’re not going to get to the other side. And as I mentioned earlier, you’re going to keep being thrown in situations where you’re taught the same lesson over and over and over 

Do you feel stuck in your life or business and aren’t sure what’s next for you? Do you feel like everyone seems to have things figured out, but you feel like you’re missing something? I totally hear you. I was in your exact shoes just a few years ago, and this is why I’ve created my coaching programs.

Courage Driven Latina is a 12 month group coaching program designed to help you take action on your courage project in just 90 days. Whether you’re in the middle of a life transition, struggling with self doubt, tired of starting and stopping a project, or feeling lonely in your goals and dreams, then this program is for you.

A courage project can be starting a business, launching a podcast, starting your healing journey, or building the confidence to date after a divorce. No matter the project, my courage framework will help you overcome any obstacles and help you make your dreams a reality. Inside of Courage Driven Latina, you will build confidence, courage, and find a supportive community of driven women cheering you on every step of the way.

Magnetic Mastermind is my advanced program for women entrepreneurs and leaders. This program is for those of you who have already started but are ready to grow without the hustle. You’ll improve your strategy, spirituality, and self. You’ll use my magnetic framework to attract, not chase, dream clients and opportunities.

Remember, you are the creator of your reality. Don’t let procrastination hold you back any longer. Go to TheEricaCruz. com, that’s Erica with a K, under Work With Me. It’s also linked down below in the show notes, where you can learn more about these programs. You can join the waitlist and you will be the first to know when we open the doors.

I cannot wait to work with you. Now let’s get back to the show.

the last example is, Oh my gosh, I have to buy a house. I have to buy a house this year, right?

Even though interest rates are crazy, even though home prices are ridiculous, especially here in California. I mean, y’all I’m an entrepreneur. Um, when, before I was an entrepreneur, I was making six figures in the tech industry and I still haven’t been able to buy a house. Mind you, a lot of my savings ended up going to starting a business, which I still am super, super grateful for, but, um, like I wouldn’t change it.

But still like it’s been, even though like one of my, my goals is eventually to like have investment properties. I’ve just had to like be really patient and I’ve had to surrender to the process because I know that it’s not just about when I want to, it’s also about whenever the timing is right. And it requires surrender, not just giving up.

Right. I could easily be like, Oh, whatever. I’m just going to like rent forever. But no, I know that’s not true. I know that I’m going to. end up being a homeowner. And when I do, it’s going to be easy peasy, right? It’s almost like, let me give you all another example. Okay, wait, wait, let me finish this thought.

Cause I swear my brain works in like, So many, I go so many different directions. So let’s say that you want to buy a house, giving up would be like, Oh, whatever. I don’t want to buy one anymore. But surrender would be to stop resisting and to allowing yourself to be open to like different possibilities, right?

So maybe you thought your first house was going to be like a dream house, but then you’ll get this opportunity to buy like a starter home. That’s within your budget. And then you end up having all More money to like renovate the home, right? And maybe it ends up doesn’t end up looking exactly the way you want or actually I had a friend who was looking to Buy a house and every like the doors just kept closing on her left and right and she ended up finding a place past when like the deadline she had given herself was and she They found the house, put an offer in, three other people also put in offers.

They put in offers higher than hers and she ended up getting the house because she wrote a letter and explained her situation and they gave her the house. And it was just like, yeah, she went past the original time that she was said she was going to get the house, but she ended up getting the house that was meant for her.

Right? How amazing is that? And that’s the beauty of surrender and surrendering and like letting things unfold the way they’re supposed to because none of us know how things are supposed to happen. So, maybe if you’re not in exactly any of these situations, you can still find relevant messages for whatever situation you do find yourself in.

And what I invite you to do is don’t avoid don’t resist and let’s quickly just do a recap. And then I’m going to end with some reflection questions for you. So when we come across a circumstance that is not ideal, we can take action to try to change it. But when we feel like we’ve hit a wall, we can either avoid and just like give up and walk away.

Or we can surrender and stop resisting. And the thing I want you to know is that

when you want to resist, there’s a lesson in that too. So like what I’m saying is when you see yourself just wanting to give up, ask yourself, what is this teaching me right now? That simple question is so, so helpful. you find solutions. And the reason it helps you find solutions is because you’re no longer resisting and you’re opening yourself to different possibilities.

before I go into the reflection questions. I just wanted to share that me being sick almost all month and all I was doing was resisting being sick. I was taking all the medicine. I was trying to get doctor’s appointments and it wasn’t until I stopped resisting being sick. And I actually saw, I think, I think it was a, a reel by Ed, geez, what’s his name?

I just went to a Brendan Burchard. Uh workshop in person and he brought this amazing speaker out ed Mylet is his name and he had I started following him because I knew he was going to speak at this event And he actually had a reel that said a lot of us are out here like resisting Like sickness when and we should be in in like gratitude of it and asking it what it’s teaching us and I was like Oh my gosh, I’ve been resisting being sick for like a month.

And when I finally was just like, okay, what is this experience teaching me? And it was to slow the heck down. And when I gave myself about a week of rest, and when I say a week of rest, I don’t mean I wasn’t getting anything done. It meant I was letting myself sleep seven to eight hours. I was not rushing to the next thing.

I was allowing myself to meditate and journal and then just sit and do nothing instead of trying to make the most out of my time because I’m in LA and I need to hurry up and see all the people and do all the things. And I’m finally on the other side. And it was like the moment I stopped resisting, everything just like got so much better.

Another example of when I stopped resisting and ended up surrendering was When I was working in the tech industry, and I’ve told you all this story so many times through the podcast that I applied to all the different tech companies because I didn’t want to work where I worked anymore. And I applied to Tik TOK, Instagram, Google.

LinkedIn, Pinterest, I mean all the Facebook, all of the different companies. And I made it to like the final round of Google and then they restructured the team and then they canceled the position. And I ended up not getting hired. And you know, here I was like trying to control the situation. And then I finally ended up surrendering.

And I was like, you know what? The right situation is going to work out for me. And shortly after that, the pandemic happened. And I then was able to work from home, which gave me so much time to create more content. And I was creating content on Tik TOK. And then my Tik TOK account blew up and that’s how I ended up creating my coaching business.

Right. It was like, it wasn’t from, I didn’t create the coaching business when I was resisting and avoiding it happened whenever I surrendered. So again, surrender doesn’t mean that you don’t take any action. And if I could go back and change things, I’m like, I wouldn’t, I’m so glad I didn’t get that Google job.

So freaking glad, because then I probably would like this podcast wouldn’t even exist. So even just practicing the belief of like, everything is always working out for me. Like, let that just feel it in your body and let that be like, ah, you know, just this like moment of openness and relaxation because you know that in the end things are going to work out and surrendering does require belief in something bigger than yourself.

And this belief in something bigger than yourself could be your overall purpose. It could be mother nature. It could be the universe. It could be God. Like it could be whatever it is that you believe in. I’m not telling you what to believe in. In this, on this podcast, like I’m never telling you what your beliefs should be, but what I am telling you is that when it comes to surrender, believing in something bigger is always going to be helpful.

And we just coming at anything from this place of surrender is going to end up giving you so much more solutions. And that is how you get ahead. And that is how you change your circumstances by surrendering to them, which sounds so counterintuitive to the logical brain, But hopefully my examples have made it really clear on how you do that.

This is something, the art of surrendering is something we really have had to practice inside of Magnetic Mastermind, which is my mastermind that helps women entrepreneurs go from hustling to attracting and like really allowing themselves to be magnetic. And surrendering is a huge, huge part of that. We are getting ready to start enrolling in that mastermind.

So you can join the wait list by going to the show notes down below and just keep an eye out because we are opening doors on April 9th.

I’m also going to be hosting a free class, which you will learn more about later, but I just wanted to drop that in here so that you can mark your calendars and know that that’s coming up. Okay. With all of this being said, let me give you some reflection questions. So the first question is describe your current circumstance that is not ideal.

So like maybe it’s one of the examples I gave, or maybe it’s something else, but describe your current circumstance that is not ideal. The second question I have for you is what about this circumstance? Have you been resisting and why, what about this circumstance? Have you been resisting and why? Number three, if you gave up on it and continue to avoid, what do you think the outcome would be?

If you gave up on it and continue to avoid, what do you think the outcome would be? Number four. Now imagine that you stopped resisting and you trust that it’s all going to work out. How do you feel and what kind of alternate solutions come to mind? I’m going to read this again because this one’s long.

Now imagine that you stop resisting and trust that it’s all going to work out. How do you feel and what kind of Okay, friends, thank you so much for spending half an hour with me. I hope you enjoyed this podcast episode. As always, please share this with a friend. I appreciate all of the tags on Instagram.

I appreciate all of you sharing this with your amigas and I will see you all next week.