We are often told that you can only be good at motherhood if you don’t work, and you can only succeed at entrepreneurship if you don’t have kids. But that’s not true! We don’t have to choose between motherhood and entrepreneurship, we can navigate both and live completely fulfilling lives. And this week’s guests are going to show you how they did it. 

Cat Del Carmen is a business coach, wife, and mami who teaches WOC how to scale to six figures in their coaching business. Cat grew her business from $10k to $200k cash in a single year by focusing on client results, becoming an expert at marketing and selling, and now she teaches her clients the same process that helped her scale while simplifying. Cat is the host of Latinas Booked Out Podcast, which has over 110k downloads, where she teaches her concepts, and philosophies of growing a coaching business through trauma-informed, high-integrity, business practices.

Mariela de La Mora elevates WOC into in-demand thought leaders who make more money by being who they are, but louder. Through her unique blend of marketing, mindset, and leadership coaching, her clients turning what they used to get in trouble for, into their competitive advantage. As the eldest daughter of Mexican immigrants who left a 16-year Marketing career, Mariela has broken out of every conventional box so she could help other daughters of immigrants do the same. She has since built a 3/4 of a million dollar business as a single mom and worked with 6-7 figure CEOs, and even women leaders in the United Nations.

In this week’s episode, Cat and Mariela share how they’re navigating motherhood and entrepreneurship. Cat went back to work after having her kids because she wanted to show them that they can do anything they put their minds to, rather than telling them. She wanted to be a living example for her kids, and she’s done exactly that. Mariela is a single mom who left her previous partner and the two of them are absolutely thriving. She’s scaled her coaching business by trusting herself and leaning into her options. 

Tune in to hear more inspiring stories of resilience and strength with Cat, Mariela, and Erika! 

Connect with Cat:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/catdelcarmen

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/catdelcarmen

Website: https://catdelcarmen.com

Connect with Mariela:
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/mariela.delamora
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/marieladelamora

Website: http://www.marieladelamora.com

Website:
www.theerikacruz.com

Follow Erika on:
Instagram @‌theerikacruz
TikTok @‌theerikacruz
LinkedIn

How to work with Erika:
Join the waitlist for Courage Driven Latina here.

Podcast production for this episode was provided by CCST.

Episode Transcript:

Erika: Hi, and welcome back to Ch*ngona Revolution podcast. I’m your host, Erika Cruz, Latina coach and speaker.

And on this show, we help you step into your inner badass self, your most Ch*ngona self, your most courageous self. And in honor of that, I have two amazing guests, some of my business besties to talk about a topic that I think is so important. So let me first just set the context and then I will introduce these two powerhouses.

I always believed that I needed to choose between having a career slash business and motherhood and family. And these two women have given me evidence that it’s possible to do both and do them both well. So these two individuals are Catalina Del Carmen, and Mariela De La Mora. Cat, welcome.

Can you please introduce yourself? 

Cat: Hello. I’m so excited to be here. Um. I’m Catalina Del Carmen. I am a business coach for women of color. Um, I help my clients build audiences and create really cool content and I help them get into the six figure, multiple six figure range with my programs. And I also have a podcast called Latina’s Booked Out.

Erika: Yes, you do. Mariela, please tell us who you are 

Mariela: and what you do. Hello, y’all. I’m Mariela. I am a leadership and business coach for daughters of immigrants and women of color. so I help them to become in demand thought leaders, um, been coaching for four years now, four years now, was a marketer before that.

And I have a daughter who is seven, who I’m a single parent too. So we’ll be talking a lot about just like single motherhood, motherhood. All the things, because even me being a coach is like a reflection of me being a mom, because there’s, that was part of my inspiration to do my own 

Cat: thing. Yeah, and I should have said, I’m, I, uh, I’m a wife and a mom of two.

I have a one year old and a four year old right now. And both of my children, um, my first child helped me kind of start my business. Like he was my inspiration to really get started. And then I had my second last year. You 

Erika: did. So, actually, one of my questions was, tell us about the humans that you brought into the world.

Cat: So, thank you 

Erika: for answering that you are already mom. So, yeah, tell us about the humans. Go ahead, 

Mariela: Mariela. So, my daughter is seven. her name is Adriana, but we call her Pi because she was born at 3, 14 p. m. And that’s kind of been like the name that has Um, more of like her nickname and it’s just so funny because I feel like she’s taught me like more.

I don’t think anybody ever tells you like how much your kids are going to teach you because she’s so different from me. Like it is proof that like children are born with their own personalities and I feel like I’ve just been getting to know her, like, ever since she’s been born and just being like, you’re the total opposite of me.

You’re so lit. You are wild. You are opinionated. You are loud. You are sensitive. And I love all those things about her. And she makes me wonder, like, how would I have been, you know, if I grew up with like, people wanting to get to know who I was, 

Cat: you know what I mean? Yeah. And you had the the room to be who, you know, you are, you know, you are naturally, especially as first gen.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. 

Mariela: Yeah. Like that’s my baby. How beautiful. And 

Erika: your daughter’s a projector in human design is a projector. So we’ve had a lot of conversations about how to parent a projector because I’m also a projector. I 

Cat: need to find this out about my kids. Send me their 

Mariela: chart. I will give you a reading.

I will. It’s so funny because you’ve shown me a lot where I’ll. Oh, Pie was doing this and you were like, yeah, that’s, you know, that’s like projectors because I was like, oh, she feels excluded. Like, she needs to feel invited on purpose and like seen and she will tell me when she’s not seen or when I am not paying attention to her and I’m always like.

Thank you, baby. Like, I’m sorry, but like, thank you for telling me because I see that and I’m like, oh, that is a child that’s like, of course, I’m not going to be rejected. I’m going to tell you, you’re not paying attention to me right now. Or can you hug me right now? Or can you give me kisses right now? And I’m like, okay, like, please never stop.

Never stop asking me. 

Erika: Yes. And I want to point out that my childhood was not the same way. So that just shows. Both of us being projectors and if you’re not familiar with human design, then I recommend checking out the human design episode on Chingona Revolution podcast or just Google it, but it’s pretty much your energetic blueprint.

But seeing Pi, I’ve only met her in person once, but I’ve seen her in the background of your videos and just the stories that you’ve told me. And I’ve just got to say that you’ve done such an amazing job parenting her for her to feel safe enough to express these needs because I suppress them. And I felt like there was something wrong with me my entire childhood.

So the fact that Pi can. fully express herself and know that she’s not going to be reprimanded for it. You’ve created such a safe environment for her. So just huge congratulations to you. 

Mariela: Yeah. 

Cat: So my kiddos, let’s see, I have a four year old, his name is PJ. Paul Jr. But we call him PJ. He is, um, he’s a lot like me.

Uh, he’s very opinionated and very forward and communicates exactly what he wants all the time. and I have my little Rome. Rome is one year old, one and a half years old actually. And, um, he’s He’s, he’s a little rebel. He’s crazy already and I’m just getting to know him at this age. So it’s, I don’t know.

I love them. I love them so much. 

Erika: And I love seeing you both as mothers. And so Kat, I have to give you your flowers because you were the individual that made me change that perspective that I mentioned at the beginning of the episode because you and I met when you were pregnant. We met virtually on Instagram when you were pregnant with PJ.

We were both supposed to be on a panel. And then you were close to your due date, so you didn’t end up going to the panel. And we started following each other and all of, I loved your content and you loved my content. And then you reached out in March of 2020 when the world shut down. And you were like, hey, we should have a call.

And I think you were on maternity leave at that moment. 

Cat: Yeah, I wasn’t on a maternity leave. Maybe. No, I wasn’t on a maternity leave anymore, but it was COVID. And I was, I was, I, you were trying to get, it was like all of like people were losing their jobs. But of course my job didn’t want to lose me. I forget.

I don’t know. I forgot the timing a 

Erika: little bit. Yeah. Well, the point is that I remember seeing you and you prove that belief wrong. That are, you changed my belief about being able to. Be a parent and run a business because it was when you had PJ that you were like, oh actually tell us what happened What happened whenever you had because you didn’t have a business.

Mariela: I 

Cat: didn’t have the business I always wanted to have business and I had been like fashion blog. I was trying things out but with PJ, he, when he was born, it was a true, like, it was my example of like, okay, I always wanted to start this business. I always wanted to go after my dream. I always wanted to like do X, Y, Z, and I didn’t know what the business would be.

I didn’t, you know, I’ve just always been interested in business. I’m a business major, but when I had PJ, he was the person who really like. taught me that like, I can’t just be the, I didn’t want to be the mom that just talks and says, you could do whatever you want in your life and you could go live out your dream and it’s okay to make mistakes and like, go out there and like, live your best life, whatever, like, I have to show him like, I have to be the one.

Like, I want to be the example. I don’t want to just, like, people are, it’s easy to talk and tell your kids, like, go live your dream, right? But it’s really hard to actually live yours out. Yeah. And I feel like I wouldn’t, like, I wanted to be in integrity with that. And I’m like, okay, if, like, if I really want to be the example, then, like, let me try to do this.

Erika: Yeah, you went first 

Cat: instead of just talking. Yeah, and that’s when I started, you know, I put an event on called Follow That Fear and then I started my podcast and that’s when I really committed, like I really committed and that’s when PJ, what, he was like just four months old, five months old, um, and then that, that turned into my business.

Yeah. Wow. 

Erika: Yeah. That’s beautiful. And for those of you listening who aren’t familiar with Mariela and Kat, both of these women have created multiple six figure businesses through Kat, you through pregnancy. Yeah. Right. Through, and then having two. 

Cat: I had a whole baby in between, yeah, that story and, and now, but yeah.

Erika: And Mariela, you as a single mother living in Portland and then moving back to the Bay and there’s just been, I mean, I feel like, so we all became friends. through entrepreneurship. Yeah. And it’s been just like a beautiful friendship, but I’ve seen you both in such, I’ve seen the ups and the downs and it’s just what stands out to me from you both is the resiliency and how much of that do you think is, Oh, I know that my kids are watching that adds to the resiliency.

Do you think it’s a big part of it or are we just Latina and that’s just like what 

Mariela: we do? I think for me, I was It’s, it’s shifted the way it showed up because I was always like somebody who like worked really hard and like I climbed the corporate ladder, but the way that I led was a lot of like, I’m going to outwork everybody.

Um, and I think that that’s what worked in corporate meaning like I was, I always felt like I was doing multiple jobs, you know, and I prided myself in that. And I think when I got, well, there’s a whole story of, you know, me being pregnant with her and I, I went through a divorce, um, and an international move during that time.

So there’s a lot of grief around my pregnancy because it wasn’t my, the dream that I thought I was going to have. Right. And so I think. Something happened with, like, having, like, loss. It’s like, divorce, move. I moved back in with my parents. I had her. And it just shifted my perspective where I went from working all the time and, like, that was almost my identity.

I think I, that’s just, I probably, like, hid my emotions in work. To when she was born, I was like, I don’t actually want to go back to that. I wasn’t eager to be like, I’m gonna have my baby and then I’m gonna go back to work. And, like. in the same way I want in time with her. So I think at that point that ambition became more of like, how could I number one enjoy what I’m doing?

Because if I’m gonna like Put my baby in daycare and not be with her. I’m gonna enjoy what I’m doing and I also just didn’t want to work all the time So it definitely like shifted my priorities like almost like instantly. It was almost like everything that mattered before Not everything but like it just changed so much like overnight.

I was like, yeah, I just I don’t want the same things anymore I couldn’t even imagine myself climbing the corporate ladder because I knew what that meant and I just didn’t want it 

Cat: Yeah, I I I I feel that and I, I’m curious actually for you how you’ve dealt with the, cause for me it’s been this bad, it does feel like a battle sometimes between motherhood and business because you care about your business and you love your business, but your kids are your kids.

You love them with everything. Right. And I think I get sometimes frustrated with myself because I’m like, I don’t want to Like I want to be the full mom I want to be and then I also want to be like the full business woman I want to be and it’s really a struggle because you want both identities fully like you want them both and it’s like we have to become okay with just being like, I mean, and this is in our head, right?

But like just being like 50 percent great entrepreneur today and like 90 percent like mom today, right? And like one day it’s like, Oh wow, I’m really feel like a shitty mom today, but I killed it in my business. Or some days you just feel like I need 100 percent for me and I just suck at both. And I think that I think that has like that experience has helped me just like give myself a lot more compassion and be like patient with myself because we need it.

I could imagine you, I mean, especially as a single mom, like you have to, you carry so much. Um, I was raised by a single mom, by the way. So, and, and Mariela was one of my, she was my first business coach. And we got to, we’ve, you know, we’ve gotten to know each other a lot since we met, but. One thing I always tell her is, is, is how much I love and respect her because I, I really see through, I mean, this is my point of view, but like, I see, I, I know how Pi sees you, I’m going to cry, but she, like, I know how she sees you and I feel like watching, like, I think about my mom and like, what if she had the courage you did?

What if she had the circumstances you did? What if, I don’t know. I saw my mom, like, learn how to take care of herself and to honor herself and to heal, right? Like, such a fucking gift that you give Pi by working on yourself. Yeah. Um, sorry. No, this is, 

Mariela: this, and I, I love and appreciate you so much for like, the way that you reflect that back to me.

Because I don’t think that I realized that children of single moms. See that because by you seeing me you’re telling me I saw my mom I saw how she was listening 100 percent and it shows me one day my kid I don’t need her to but one day my kid is going to be able to have a different like appreciation Not that I need this but like for Where we started, which was, and she doesn’t know this now, but it’s like, you know, me living with my parents and being, you know, on food stamps and stuff and then kind of being like, Oh, wow, I have memories of my mom, like taking me to a hotel just because or like, or mostly a patient mom.

Like, I mean, Lord, it is not, it’s not every day. I don’t. Yeah. But for the most part, like, You know, kids will remember the, they don’t care about the stuff, but it’s like, we’re actually like, probably a lot more present because we have the ability to than we had with our moms. Because, and the kids remember this because, um, I remember telling, um, saying this like on Instagram stories or something about how, um, all 2022 and 2023, I would say the first half of 2023, I really wanted to be a chaperone at a school field trip.

And I couldn’t for all of them because I always had calls. And I just remember, like, I just started to be able to, to do that. Do more stuff and multiple people responded back and was like, my mom was only able to make one field trip one time and it was like the best ever. And I still remember it. And so I was like, our kids.

No, like they do remember. We think we’re having a shitty day as a mom, but I don’t know that they think that they just remember like you’re there. The house is a mess. We’re playing with them. Yeah, we feel like our patience is like on 65%. You know what I mean? But like, for the most part, like, I think we are doing so much better.

And like, our kids just care that like, we’re there. And we’re like, looking at them, and we’re paying attention to them. Can I add one more thing? 

Cat: Yeah. Um, I think what you said is so valuable, uh, about like, how we I don’t think we as moms recognize enough that like, What if, like, if we never found coaching, right?

If we never, started these businesses, like, I think about the mom I would be then, and it’s like, I would be so much more stressed. I would, my anxiety levels would be so high, so it’s like, although we have this push and pull with motherhood and business, like, The other side of it is like, well, I could have just been 100 percent stressed about my job and 100 percent anxious without the tools that I have now and the growth because it’s not just coaching.

It’s like you have to grow to grow your business, right? So I feel like It’s a gift, actually, that we have chosen entrepreneurship because it’s kind of pushed us to really heal and grow and do these things so that we can be more patient, so that we can really be intentional about the time we spend with our kids and the time we spend away from our kids, right?

Mariela: Oh, yeah. That is so important, Kat, what you just said, because I don’t think that I ever, like, clocked that for myself, that, like, entrepreneurship made me, by far, a better mom. A better mother. Would not be doing the depth of the healing work, of the compassion, of the patience, of the I wouldn’t even be Pursuing, like, the options that, you know, like, that we’re creating.

The 

Cat: life! That we’re all 

Erika: Exactly. I mean, even when we showed up at the studio, right? We sat here and we were like, wow. This is our lives now. And we’ve created this. 

Cat: Yeah. And we’re Did you say We’re at We’re at We’re at an event for our business. No, not yet. I’m about to get there. Yeah, but like we keep saying it this whole time.

We’re like, look at us. Look at who we are. Look at who we’re becoming. Like, this is who we are. 

Mariela: Typical week, like so much about our week or even the last 24 hours says so much about like how you can integrate different things in your life and like us being moms and like all the different things. Yeah. So 

Erika: I want to say one quick thing about the single mom.

comment because, or topic, because my mom was also a single mom. And, uh, she became a single mom when I was like 10, 11. And she went through a really difficult time after her divorce, her unofficial, like, divorce, the separation with my father, and almost like an identity crisis of who am I, which is so crazy because so many of my clients come to me after a divorce, right?

With like, who am I now? And I would agree that my mom was just so stressed most of my childhood because she was in this unhappy toxic relationship and then she finally was like trying to find herself so I feel like even though my mom is my biggest hero we had a really rocky relationship because she couldn’t fully be present.

So just seeing Mariela be so present with Pi, it’s It’s beautiful. It really is. And luckily my mom and I have, I mean, my listeners know that I moved back into my childhood room to start my business and now I’m helping my mom and I feel like we’ve gotten a second chance at like building this relationship.

And obviously I’m not a parent, but like from the child perspective of a single mom, right? So it’s just been like, I feel so lucky that we got the 

Cat: second chance. It’s beautiful watching. I mean, we get to see insight into your relationship with your mom and it’s so beautiful to watch like it. That is a beautiful thing.

It’s so beautiful that you get to be a part of her growth at this stage of her life. Exactly. Yeah, 

Mariela: and I 

Erika: wouldn’t be a good daughter without coaching. I’m so much more patient with her. I respect her views. She’s Christian. I’m spiritual, right? I respect her views. I have taught her the self coaching model in Spanish and taken her through things.

Whenever she’s feeling triggered by her, like, family members because she feels like the outsider because she’s the only person that’s not Catholic. You’re such a good daughter. And, you know, it’s so funny, like, now that I’m an adult, it’s like, it’s almost like this immigrant parent is my daughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, the roles have switched a little bit. But, yes, anyway, I just Just commend you, Mariela, for being such a great mother, and you too, Kat. And thank you both for doing the work, because it’s really not just for you, right? It’s for your kids, and yeah, just like they’re having such a different childhood than what we had.

So, let’s switch gears. We are all in Nashville right now. Yes. In a podcast studio. How fun is this? And we’re all here for a mastermind event that we all invested a significant amount of money in. Okay. So for me, being that I am in my childhood room and yes, I am helping my mom financially, but I have, I have money to spare, right?

Like this was, this was a big investment for me, but, I don’t have. a huge mortgage to take care of. I don’t, I have a lot of flexibility there. You two made this big investment in yourselves and in your business. And this investment was, you’re both okay with me sharing the investment amount? Okay. We, we all three invested 25, 000 to be in that mastermind.

That is 75, 000 just in this room, 

Mariela: just in our little suite at the hotel for six 

Erika: months. For six months, 75, 000. So Kat, we’ll start with you. Tell me what was going through your mind as you made this, and this isn’t your first time in the mastermind, right? So what went through your mind as a parent, as a wife, and knowing that your finances aren’t just yours to 

Cat: spend?

Yeah. Well, I think at this phase in my business. I’ve created boundaries with my husband, which like I’m thinking of the first time I invested and the first time I invested this amount of money and it was a very big deal. talking about it with my partner and like talking about it with him, that was.

It’s definitely nerve wracking. but here’s the thing. For me, when I’m considering, like, making these type of investments, one, I consider the time, right? Like, I think the biggest stressor as a mom is the time away from my kids. Because it’s like the coordination that’s involved and the The hard conversations with, with my husband, right?

Like watching a one year old and our one year old and our four year old for a whole week, taking them to school, picking them up, putting them to bed, taking them a shower, making their lunch, making their dinner. Like all of that is a heavy weight to put on my husband because of something that’s for me.

And I think because we have businesses, um, I, I think as a mother, And wife different from a career right when someone tells you when you have a nine to five and someone your boss tells you you have to be here. It’s like, well, they told me I have to, but when it’s your own business, it’s like you kind you do have the flexibility, but you also have to make the hard decisions to like, yeah, this is important.

I need to get away for five days to. work on my business to think about the future of my business to think at a high level to network with other people and Because it feels like it feels more like a choice right because it truly is that parts hard Yeah, because you don’t I don’t want to put more weight on my husband he’s has a really big job and he’s also tired and we’re very Like we parent together a lot.

So that part is hard. It’s the time. Like the money now is not as big, although once upon my first 25K investment, we were saving for a house and Paul’s real words when I talked to him about this were, but we’re saving for a fucking house like that way. That’s the way he said it. And I remember carrying a lot of weight then.

And just having to like really trust in my decisions as a business person or just in what I want for my life, right? Like this is what I want. This is important to me. And I have to communicate that to my husband, right? Or to my, you know, to your partner, like having to communicate that, that it’s important.

Yeah. And I think if you have. Any kind of decent partner, if they know something is that important to you, then it’s like, who cares about like the logistics and everything else? Everyone’s allowed to have feelings about it. Everyone’s allowed to have opinions. But at the end of the day, it’s mine. Cause it’s my business.

And I just need. Like, I, I need, I just need you to be cool this, you know, but yeah, so I, so when 

Erika: we first arrived, because you and I got here before Maria Das delayed flight did, you were feeling extremely anxious. Yes. 

Cat: Tell us about that. So this is the longest I’ve been away from my kids and it’s the longest I’ve.

But really, it’s my longest business trip, since I started my business. And I also have a one year old right now, and he’s so small. I’m gonna cry. Um, and I’ve just been so anxious about it. I’m sorry. I think, you know, because just like going back to what I said, These are cho, we do have choice. You know, we do have choice, and you don’t know if you’re making the right one.

Mm. And I think that’s the part that like, you don’t know until after. Right. Um, but I have been anxious about it and I’ve just been trying to like, just be okay. I mean, you know, this feeling. Mm-Hmm. , um, be trying to just regulate as much as I can. And then when I do, like when I was in the, when I talked to my kids the other day, it was like the first day, um, and I talked to my kids that day, I got off the phone and I was like crying and I was a little bit of a mess.

And it’s really just like the guilt I have for not being there and like for putting my husband through this. Not that it’s this like horrible thing, but it’s a lot of work, right? so I think learning how to manage that is. I mean, I think at this age, it’s harder. Um, when they’re older, it’s a little bit easier.

but when, because I have a one year old, my four year old, like. You know, he gets it a little bit more, but I think it’s really my one year old where I’m just like, I just have to manage it. And, and, and in these moments, you also have to have your own back, right? Like I have to have my own back and I have to remind myself, like, you know what you’re doing.

You, this is where you, this is the best decision for you and your business and your family long term. Right. Like this is the best decision. It’s only one week. You’re okay. The kids are okay. Everyone has affirmed they’re okay. So it is okay. And like learning to just accept that and then being kind to yourself when the emotions come.

Erika: How beautiful and emotions are always welcomed on this podcast. My client gave me a sticker that said, Chingona’s cry too. Oh, 

Cat: I love that. Very fitting. So 

Erika: thank you Suleyma for that sticker. And Mariela, so what about you? This is the first time you and I have made an investment of this amount. And what were your thoughts as a single parent?

And you didn’t even like, you trusted because you just had an incredible. Credible launch. That was almost multiple six figures. Yeah. But you hadn’t had 

Mariela: that yet when you made this decision. Yes. Right. I wanna echo, well, you said something Kat that I was like, Ooh, that’s so true. You said, um, when you were making the investment with the first time, the 20 5K, and I remember.

Cause, I remember us talking about it, and I was really in a deep period of like, money scarcity, meaning like, my sales were lower than usual, I was living in Oregon, I didn’t have any family there, I, you know, all of that, and I just remember being like, damn, Kat just like, went for it, like, you invested 25k mine, and you said, um, when you were telling the story, you’re like, sometimes you don’t know, If it’s the right one, like the decision, but you have to make the decision and in retrospect, it’s always the right decision because you do the best that you can with the information at the time.

Um, so like, I just wanted to echo that because I don’t, there’s so many decisions, especially about money and like making this investment in this mastermind, which I’ll kind of talk about. I don’t actually know. Like how it’s going to be. So with this mastermind, I knew that I was going to invest in it because I just knew like this is, this is the room that I want to be in.

That’s it. Essentially, like I have learned over the years to say, what’s the next best step for me and my business and then coach myself on the money after not, am I going to do it? Mm, based on the money. It’s like, yes or no, do do I need this thing? Is this the place I want to be? Is this the coach for me?

Is this the program for me? Yes or no. Period. That’s it. And then coach myself on the money. Not, I’m not going to give it to myself. So I already knew. However, I had, like, circumstantially, if we’re going to talk about, like, this is where I’m at. I’m a single parent. I live in San Francisco. It’s, you know, the second highest, most expensive city in the United States.

Um, I have a team. I have, you know, just, I have five figures. Business expenses. Yeah, like, it costs me five figures a month just To run my business. Mm-Hmm. , you know what I mean? Mm-Hmm. , like, it cost me like $14,000 a month just to run my business and pay myself. Mm-Hmm. . and so at the time I had the lowest sales quarter I had ever had.

Q3 of this year was the lowest sales quarter ever in my business. And that’s when I was like, I’m going to apply and applications open before my launch. Did so I had to coach myself so hard. I was I was in a program at the time. That was like a wealth building like mastermind That taught me how to invest it taught me how to open up a trust fund for my daughter and all of this and I Remember at the end of September like going to one of these calls and I was just like sobbing I felt like I was like in shutdown mode because I knew that I wanted to be in this mastermind But I was like, I don’t know how I’m gonna do it because like what I’m putting so much pressure on this launch Like, what if I’m wrong?

Like, I always have had this thought of like, what if I’m wrong and I run out of money? It’s like my worst fear. And so I got coached on it. I had to give myself more options because I was telling myself if this lunch doesn’t do well, like I made a mistake. So. This coach, this is why coaching is so important because I don’t know how grounded I would have been otherwise helped me say Mariela, you need to give yourself other options on the table because right now what you’re telling yourself is the only way is I have to make this amount of money in the launch otherwise it was like a bad idea and instead she’s like okay, Could you, if you had to borrow money against your business, could you do these other things?

Could you pull money from some of your investments? And I was like, I don’t want to, but could I? Yes. And I knew I was going to have my back. So basically what I did to make this investment was I took out a business credit card that had 0 percent interest and it, it, the, it was a 14, 000 limit, which didn’t even cover.

But it helped me be like, okay, this will spend me out a little less because even if I don’t make as much money in this launch as I thought, I could at least stretch out half the payment. And that was, I had to make that decision. And so we had three days to apply. I applied, I made the payment on the credit card, and then I happened to have a bigger launch than I expected.

But I had already made the commitment and the decision, and I would not have made myself wrong, like, no matter what, but I, in the back of my mind, it was always there, of like, what if I screwed up, you know, but I don’t say it in those words, I’m just like, what if it doesn’t turn out the way that I thought, so, it’s just hard, because I’m like, The bills still have to be paid.

Yeah. And I still gotta, I have to do what I have to do. Um, but that’s taken me a long time, but I, it’s like, I feel like sobbing and crying and like sitting with my fears has just been like a normal part of business. Yeah. That before, but I’ve come a long way, I think, in terms of like. I know what the right decision is, no matter how I feel.

Cat: Yeah, it’s such a different, you know, in a two person income household, right? Like, it’s such a different, like, I, like, my worries and my frustrations or like my anxiety, like, it just looks so much different, than like as a single mom. Like, that’s a whole other. Like, there’s so much weight, um, just like, not weight, but like, just things you have to consider, right?

Yeah. Um, and think about before making these kind of decisions. Yeah, 

Mariela: and you know, I think one of the biggest things for me, as a single parent has been like, forgiving myself. self in the past and not trying to make up for it in the present because, and I see this with money, whether someone’s a parent or not, it’s like they have thoughts about how they’ve spent money in the past or how they’ve quote unquote lost money in the past or what they’ve done with money in the past.

And they’re like, I never want to do that again. Yes. And they’re trying to like, then they’re putting all that fear on like this investment, like this has to be the right thing. And I’m just like, I had to forgive, like, the version of me that, like, got married and moved overseas and cashed out my 401k to, like, go live in London with my husband.

And then, you know, that marriage ended unexpectedly and I started from zero. And it’s, like, for the longest time I was, like, I make bad decisions. Yeah. Yeah. Financially, if I had picked a different partner, I would be better off. I would have a partner who, like, sends me a ton of money, you know what I mean?

And I wouldn’t be, like, sole provider. But then I was, like, that doesn’t That literally doesn’t help me now. 

Cat: Yeah. Can I add something? Yeah. One thing that I, just to give perspective, right off of what you’re talking about is what I was worried about is cause I had just paid off a ton of business debt.

Like I had a great launch in October, I forget when it was, and I paid off, um, some business debt and I basically was like, okay, let’s within one month, let me like put it back on. Right. Yeah. And. My thought was I don’t want Paul, my husband, to know about this because I’m like, he, like, I think when, when you have a partner, you have to like, you don’t have to, but like, I consider it more.

Like, I’m like, shit. Like what is, and not that he’s not like way in my business, but like, I consider that when I’m making the decisions. Right. Like, yeah. And also just to give some reality to this. What’s funny is I was a little unsure about being a part of this mastermind this time, but you guys joined.

Not that that’s a reason, um, but when I was texting with you. It was quite funny. I have a, let me be clear. I have a very high risk tolerance and that’s just who I am. I’m okay with that about myself. And I was literally texting with Mariela like minutes before the deadline to pay. You said, Oh my gosh, it’s 

Mariela: 40 minutes till the cart closes.

Yeah. Should I do it? And I was like, well, you already know, like, I want you 

Cat: there, but this is obviously, this is your decision. And then I texted you with fuck it. I’ll do it. 

Mariela: I remember that. 

Cat: But here’s the thing is my perspective is I’ve been in these rooms before and I’ve been coached by, um, you know, our coach before.

So I, I knew kind of what I was walking into and the, you know, how powerful these rooms are. So, yeah. So, and I just wanted to say that because it’s like. Sometimes these decisions are very like, like thought out and sometimes it’s not like, sometimes it’s like, no, we’re forking out 25, 000 because your business needs it.

And I trust it. And like, we’re going to keep things moving and. Um, sometimes investments will feel like that, like that. Sometimes they won’t. Yeah. 

Mariela: Yeah. And even if you consider yourself to be like a person with high risk tolerance, you also built that because this was like your fourth time in this one and it felt big to me because I had never done this investment of the size before.

Cat: Yeah. Yeah. The first time I ever paid 25k, I was at breakfast with you, Erica. Yes. And you were like, yeah, yeah, do 

Mariela: it. 

Erika: And I also want to be really clear for the listeners. We’re talking about a 25, 000 investment after running multiple six figure businesses, we’re not giving you advice to go invest 25, 000 if you’ve never made money, but.

I want you to take the message here and maybe you apply this to a 500 course or maybe this thing that you’ve been wanting to do. Maybe there’s a 2, 000 program, 3, 000 program you’ve been wanting to do. Take the lessons that you learn from our experiences and apply it to that. Yeah. Yeah. So the last question that I have for you two before we wrap up is, um, and then obviously I want you all to tell us where people can find you.

But how do you accept help?

Cat: It gets quiet. Um, okay, I will, let me, I’ll, I’ll talk a little bit with, with, with husby, husbae. Um, I 

Erika: love how Kat grabs the microphone. She’s like, 

Mariela: all right, 

Cat: I’m ready. Let’s get to it. Let 

Mariela: me get the microphone 

Cat: closer. So I have, I have a lot to say about this actually, but I’ll, I’ll keep it quick. Um, how do I accept support for the married people out there who are either mothers or want to be mothers?

And Have a business or starting a business One thing I want to get clear just to everyone out in the world You’re going to have to ask for help from your partner from your husband You’re gonna have to use the words out of your mouth and actually ask for what you want So one of the first first first kind of times I really took the leap to, and this was the beginning of my business and I was getting very serious about it.

And I was building my course and my, this was before I made that much money at all. I think I had only made a couple thousand, but I remember it was during COVID and I really needed concentration time. Cause I, at that time I was like a stay at home mom and I was trying to build out this course. And I was really trying to build it out from 5 a.

m. to 7 a. m. in the morning and then from 7 p. m. to 10 p. m. or whatever at night. And those were the only times I had. So at around that time I decided to create a schedule that worked for me and I considered my husband’s schedule and like his typical needs and wants, right? And I went to him and I was like, look, I’m getting really serious about my business.

I want to start having Thursdays. After when you get home from work, I want the full, like when you get here, you take over, take care of the kid, everything, bath, nighttime routine, everything. And I’m out like I need time. And then we started doing every Saturday, every other Saturday, I would have a full day of work.

And I sat down with him and I showed him this and like, we talked through it. And I remember even like I had to finish some videos so I like rented a hotel room like in my city just so I could record the videos and that was the first time I ever did these type of things for myself and my business and now it is my norm.

So if I want to normalize like your husband should be. Bathing the kids just as much as you they should be putting them down to bed just as much as you They should be washing the dishes just as much as you putting doing the laundry just as much as you like if you were and and you don’t even have to have like like Just you having a dream and wanting it is enough to ask for help.

You don’t need to like bring in money just because they bring in money doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to have dreams like no This is a partnership. This is like I got your back you you got mine like the way I like to yeah It’s the way I think about it with my husband and we say this all the time.

He’s like I, I’ll scratch your back. You scratch mine. Like we have each other’s back and there’s going to be phases in life where it’ll look a little bit more crooked. It’ll be a little leaned one way, right? When I was a stay at home mom, it was very leaned on me and I had to like push it. So it wasn’t like that.

Now I, you know, bring in a significant amount to the house and it’s, it’s much more even. But honestly, recently, just last year, a lot of, he, he kind of had a lot of weight on him. Cause I’m. So fucking good at asking for any time I need and anything I want in my life, I became very good at it and he became very good.

I became great at it and he started pushing back a little and he’s like, I need you to help around the house more. I love it. I was like, you know what, babe, you right? You’re right. I’m a little I’m, I’m, I’m a little tired and exhausted and I know you are too and like he’s literally had to push back.

Here’s what I love is that we are growing a relationship where it’s safe to do that because I want, like, I think it’s, he’s, he sucks at asking for help. So I kind of feel like, not on purpose, but I kind of like pushed him to a, like, to the wall a little bit asking for so much of him for him to like actually come to me and be like, look, this isn’t working.

We need to do X, Y, Z. And then now we’re figuring out something a little bit more balanced in our life right now. Will it move? Will it evolve? Will it change? Absolutely. Right. Yeah. But. We like from my point of view as like a person who’s been in a relationship, you know married for 10 years now. I Have like you have to be the advocate for yourself and your partners They have to learn how to be the advocate for themselves like we can’t like Having certain roles and just having them be like that is, is not helping nobody.

It’s not helping nobody. And I think as you, I’ve, I’ve, as I’ve evolved as a wife and as a partner in a marriage, I think it’s so healthy to have those conversations. It’s forced us to have harder conversations about our relationship because I’ve pushed the, the, the narrative of like, This is what the mom does and this is what the dad does.

Erika: Beautiful. Thanks. Mariela. Yeah. How do you accept 

Mariela: help? Um, my, when I think about, it’s funny because I think I, I realized I started asking for help before I even really realized like what I was doing because my support system, and this is the thing. It’s like, I, I couldn’t do it without a support system.

The years that I didn’t have one because I moved to another state were actually the hardest on me mentally, and it really taught me, like, as much as I am, like, the most hyper independent, like, person, I realized, like, the absolute hardest was when I was trying to, like, do stuff by myself, but, like, the, I’ve learned to actively ask for it because I always felt bad about, like, leaving my daughter and whenever it, like, required, like, I could be parenting, but I’m not because I’ve always had this, like, almost, like, attachment to if she’s gonna be my only baby, then I need to be there and I need to be present.

And I had this idea that, like, being a good mom meant, like, anytime I wasn’t Working like I needed to be there with her. Um, so my parents are my main support system. I’m really like in, in life, meaning like with my daughter, they’re my support system with my daughter. and like at the beginning it was like, I remember I went to a business conference in 2019 and I was still breastfeeding at the time.

My daughter was like two and a half and that. business conference that I went to as an entrepreneur conference was like I had to stop breastfeeding to go to this conference because I Was gone for like five days and I was kind of ready But like that’s how significant it was that at the time I had never been away from her ever It’s a big deal and I went to this conference, but if I hadn’t gone to that conference, I don’t think I would have started a business because I left and I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I knew for sure when I left that conference, I’m going to start a business.

I thought it was going to just be a podcast. I thought I was like, I’m going to start a podcast. And then it was a ripple effect. And I started my business, but I had to just make the sacrifice. I was like, I don’t make enough milk to keep pumping like at this event. So I’m just going to stop breastfeeding.

And it’s funny because I don’t think I realized that that was like, In retrospect, I was like, that was like a big, that was a really big 

Cat: deal. That is a big deal now, especially as a mom, like stopping breastfeeding is like. Very emotional. Very 

Mariela: emotional. Um, and so now what that really looks like is, is, is like actual help with my daughter.

but I think one thing that I didn’t expect in terms of accepting help or asking for help is like emotional help. So for me, telling people. My friends going to you guys, leaving a voice, like a voice note, um, or cat, you’ll sometimes randomly like call because you’ll sense like you’ll send something that I said or whatever and letting people hold space for me has been the hardest part because I’m like, no, I can be there for other people, but they’re not supposed to be there for me.

So like, I’ve had to learn to that. The fact that like, I need people, my friends, like I need my people to be able to be like y’all. I’m in my head. This is where I’m at right now, like, and not feel like you have to be cleaned up. So for me, like the emotional help was like a thing that I didn’t expect. and now I think when I know I’m going to do something that scares me, I’m immediately like, okay, I know that I’m going to have to like, I know I have my people to lean on.

So I don’t feel like I was scared about whether or not things like quote unquote work out because sometimes you don’t, you never know how things are going to work out, but you only know that like I have, I’m not. Um, so I’ve had to learn how to, like, accept help. And right now, I’m learning to accept a lot more help because I’m throwing a live event for my mastermind next weekend in Mexico City, and I’ve never had more people, like, on my team doing things.

And so now I’m like, oh, I couldn’t have done this by myself because I’m realizing how many, you know, things. So I think it’s been like, Just different forms of, of support, support with my daughter, emotional support, support on my team, like help and realizing that like the more supported I am, like the more everybody benefits, the more my daughter benefits, the more my business and my clients benefit and that like it’s, I’m supposed to be supported.

Erika: Exactly. Yes. I’m supposed to be supported. Right. And this is obviously, I’m not a parent, but Kat, you accept help from your husband. been when it comes to the kids, when it comes to the house, when it comes to finances, just like he accepts support from you, right? You like hold each other up, Mariela, you support, you get support from, from your parents with pie.

Right. But then we all support one another so much. And I think when we’re looking at, People who follow us probably just try to compare themselves to us when they don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes, right? I have so I mean I have a podcast manager. I have an online business manager. I have an assistant I have a repurposing manager, right?

Do people know I have a support coach, right? There’s so many people helping me behind the scenes even like my mom’s taking care of my cat right now, right? There’s yeah, we have so much support. So you don’t get where you want to go alone 

Cat: Yes. A hundred percent. Yeah. I have, shout out to my nanny. Um, like I didn’t say that and I think it’s in, in our culture, I think just having a nanny at all can be a little faux pas.

So we have, and we don’t live close to my mom, um, or none of our parents, none of our family. So we have to pay for that. So we create assist, like we create support if we don’t have it and that can be hard, but it’s needed. It’s needed. 

Mariela: That’s so needed. It’s a good point that sometimes you’re paying for support and other times you’re asking for it.

Yeah, you know, and all of it is part of the mix and all of its 

Erika: welcomed and necessary. 

Mariela: Yes, almost to the point that it’s like I I’ve had to tell myself this and it’s like judgmental language. But I was like, what if I I’m actually like Not as good of a mom if I’m trying to do it all myself because I feel like, no, this is part of what allows me.

So if I want to be a good coach or I want to be a good business, you know, person or a good mom, it’s like it requires these other things. So that’s kind of helped me flip the 

Erika: perspective. Exactly. Yeah. I could sit here and talk to you two all day. I mean, even what we were talking about before we started recording was good.

We were talking about relationships. Yeah. That was juicy. Which I’ve made an intentional decision to not talk about because I don’t want to talk about my business on it. Yes. But. Um, Mariela, where can people find 

Mariela: you? Um, you can find me on Instagram at mariela. dolomora. You also can, check out my podcast, Cycle Breakers and Money Makers.

Um, yeah, reach out and if there’s anything that I shared, if you’re a single parent or you’re considering becoming, you know, a parent, I have a lot of people reach out who, who want to hear the single parent’s perspective because they’re like, okay, if you could do it, I think I could do it, you know, so, yeah, yes, 

Cat: and Kat.

All right. Um, Bye. Bye. Best place to find me is on Instagram, Kat Del Carmen, go to my link in bio and you will see my podcast in there, which I might change the name so that just go there for the podcast and my, my Instagram, yeah, my Instagram and my podcast. 

Erika: All right. Well, thank you two for taking time out of our one free day in Nashville to come in and record with me.

This was such a great episode, and I’m sure that so many of you listening were nodding your heads and just, I mean, even for those of you who aren’t a parent, like for me, just listening to this was incredible. So thank you all so much for your wisdom and all of you listening. If you took anything away from this episode, be sure to take a screenshot and tag all three of us because we want to reshare it.

We want to know. And if you have not yet left an Apple podcast rate and review, please do that because that is how podcasts grow. So sharing is caring. Share this with somebody that you think would benefit from this podcast and I will see you next week.