TW: miscarriage, infant loss, familial loss

Advocating for yourself is not easy, especially when you don’t have all the answers. And even though it’s hard, our guest has taught us that the only way out of a tough situation is to face it head-on and go through it. 

Janet Guadalupe Martinez Aguilar, also known as Flaka G, has had an incredible life that has been a remarkable tapestry of triumphs and challenges, woven together with threads of determination, love, and faith. Born in the vibrant heart of Mexico City, she and her family embarked on a journey and she arrived in the United States at the age of 5 years old. Since then, she worked hard to be a beacon of hope for her family, community, and anyone who crosses her path. She has been married for 7 years, she has a 4-year-old who is autistic and an angel baby. She worked as an HR professional for a decade, a non-profit co-founder, a progressive church catechist, and an active mentor in her sorority as our Central Alumnae regional director. Now, she is focusing on changing the world one person at a time as a Career Coach.

In this week’s episode, Flaka tells us how exactly she became confident enough to advocate for herself and speak up in any situation. Flaka has gone through an immense amount of grief in the last few years. So when she suffered a miscarriage, something that was not talked about in her community, she found herself looking for resources that weren’t readily available to her. And because she had to figure this out on her own, she is now an advocate for everyone around her including women, undocumented immigrants, and members of her community.

Connect with Janet:
https://www.instagram.com/flakageemtz/

https://www.facebook.com/janetmtzaguilar

https://www.linkedin.com/in/janetgmartinezz/

https://poca.us/

Website:
www.theerikacruz.com

Follow Erika on:
Instagram @‌theerikacruz
TikTok @‌theerikacruz
LinkedIn

How to work with Erika:
Join the waitlist for Courage Driven Latina here.

Podcast production for this episode was provided by CCST.

Episode Transcript:

Erika: Hello and welcome back to Ch*ngona revolution podcast this week on the podcast. I’m interviewing one of my clients who is the founder, a co-founder of a nonprofit. She’s involved in her sorority. She also is a career coach. I mean, this woman wears So many hats. She is a huge inspiration. And in this podcast episode, not only does she talk to us a little bit about what it is that she does, but she also shares with us how she overcame one of the most challenging times of her life.

And I do want to give you all a trigger warning that we talk about her suffering a miscarriage. We also talk about suicidal thoughts that came up. And we also talk about. Her religious views and how she challenged those views being put in this situation where she was suffering a miscarriage. So just wanted to give you all a trigger warning 

 And as always, we are not telling you what to believe, what to not believe on this podcast. We are simply sharing stories. And I think that this is a beautiful conversation between my client, whom I respect so much, and is such an inspiration. A conversation between my client and myself, where she is Catholic, I’m not Catholic, but we both just align on a value level.

And it’s just a beautiful conversation from somebody who is constantly advocating for herself, for her community, and even challenging her government, challenging her church. challenging all of these different things that don’t align with her and really listening to her intuition. So what I want you to take away from this podcast episode is the resiliency and the advocacy that she’s had for herself.

So let’s get into this podcast episode because it is definitely a good one. It is super juicy. My guest is Janet Guadalupe Martinez Aguilar, or also known as Flaca G. I’m going to let you share the story as to how this name even came about, but Janet or Flaca is from Mexico city, immigrated when she was five and has had just like so many different lives

being a community advocate, as well as being a mother. And I mean, let’s get into the interview because it is so good.

 How do you manage advocating for yourself and your community while navigating the fear and uncertainty of living in a country where you’re undocumented or have family members who are undocumented? How did you find that balance? 

Flaka: Oh, that’s a good question. I think definitely just reminding myself that no one’s going to do it better for me than myself because no one’s going to understand my story, my struggle, my family better than I do, but also making sure that I always stay informed.

With the best information, the most accurate information and the best action that’s going to be able to, the feasible action that’s going to be able to make the change that I really want to see. Not just hearing all of the noise, because there’s so much noise around this topic all the time. Ever since I can remember being in this country, there’s just so much talk about so many different things.

So it’s just about staying informed and really focusing on what do I want to see and how am I going to be able to achieve that. Not only for myself, but for others, but specifically for those that I love. 

Erika: Yes, exactly. And I love what you said that nobody’s going to know your perspective like you. And that’s why it’s so important for us to speak up, whether it’s in advocacy work or, creating content or just speaking up at work, right.

And advocating for ourselves, especially if you’re the only one who looks like you and your company. Nobody knows what your experience is like, but you, and there’s also ways of advocating for yourself that aren’t like angry, right? It’s literally just being your biggest cheerleader. I know that’s something that you also help your clients with.

So tell us what you do. What does Flaca do? I know you do a hell of things, so give us 

Flaka: the spiel. Yeah. So one of the biggest things that I’m doing right now is career coaching. Just like you said, my background is in HR, been doing that for close to a decade now. And that’s really when you combine Flaca, the advocate and HR mommy, the professional.

It’s a powerhouse because I know how to professionally put into words. This is how I’m feeling. This is what I need. And this is how you’re going to help me get to that. so I’m doing career coaching and I would say career consulting a little bit. also helping out businesses. I’ve been getting a few clients that are like, Hey, I’m a small business owner.

I’m not sure how to get. Up and started with hiring people or what should I have in my books? Should I have a handbook? Should I have a policy? How many, you know, what are the laws for that? So I love advocating for businesses and for people in their careers. Then I also have my own nonprofit. Which we are BOCA, Professional Opportunity Connection for All, where we advocate for our immigrant community to be able to hustle regardless of their status.

And I’m a mom, I am, I call myself the progressive Catholic catechist, because I am big on my faith, but I also don’t necessarily agree with everything, that our Catholic church. demands of our communities are just being very outspoken in that space as well. And I’m a sister, I’m a wife, I’m a daughter, I am an advocate.

I think that’s my biggest. You know, badge of honor. I don’t think a lot of people, we are all advocates in our own way. I always see it, even if our, in our small circles, bigger circles, we’re all our advocates, but to wear, like just to be recognized by other people, such as yourself, to be able to hear someone else call me that I’ve really learned to own it this.

Past year. I can’t believe we’re in 

Erika: 2024 now. I know. I can’t believe it either. I would agree that the word advocates, like as an advocate, you that that’s like a great word that encompasses so much of what you do, right? You help people advocate for themselves at work. You’re advocating for the community that you care so much about.

You really just are an advocate for yourself and for others. And I think that’s such a beautiful thing. And I also think you’re this embodiment of somebody who Is able to take parts of things that serve them, but also not accepting the parts that don’t serve them specifically what you just said about Catholicism, right?

Where you can appreciate some things within the faith, but also. Advocate for yourself and for your community with like, hey, does this actually still service nowadays? Because this is a beautiful thing to have community to have spirituality to have a religious group But let’s also ensure that we’re doing it in a way where everybody’s being advocated for So I feel like you’re such a good embodiment like people look at Or the world today, a super black and white when like things are in the gray zone.

A lot of things are in the gray zone. Nothing’s really black and white. And what you just said is a perfect example of that, where you’re very proud to be Catholic, but you’re also going to advocate for the things that maybe don’t sit well with you. 

Flaka: Absolutely. I think one of the biggest things for me is how we’re.

Very much outspoken about being pro life, but yet we don’t educate our community on what that really means once the life is here. Because being pro life is teaching our children what’s really going on out here in the world and how they’re really going to thrive. So it’s just so much that I, I enjoy it.

And I think it’s where that advocate hat really comes into play because some people, it can drain you. It can, it can be draining sometimes to be that person in the room. That’s like, I am tired of this. We need to change something. This cannot be done this way anymore, but honestly, it might sound a little weird.

But for me, I’m like, no, I want to talk about this. Let’s talk about the problems. Let’s talk about how we’re going to solve this. Let’s talk about how we can all live a happy, comfortable life. Agreeing to disagree, but making sure that we help each other out, what’s it going to take, you know, and, and I, I’ve known, I’ve gotten to see that not a lot of people can do that.

So I’m truly fortunate and blessed to be able to have that being able to stomach my feelings sometimes, but still portray my feelings in a way that’s healthy for everyone in the room. 

Erika: Yeah, definitely. And you’ve had, do you, I guess the question is. In the last year, the last 12 months, I mean, I’ve only known you for a few months since we started working together and it’s been such an honor, but you’ve gone through a lot of, of challenges and I’m assuming like having community and having your faith to lean on has been life safe, like a lifesaver.

So whatever you feel comfortable with, like, what are some of the challenges that you’ve gone through over the last 12 months? 

Flaka: Oh gosh. So that would be. A little over 12 months, right? Because then that would be January, 2023, since happy new year, everyone. But, I think one of the biggest challenges I really thought I had faced grief.

I honestly thought I had faced that. Like I, I had gone through it. I lost grandparents. I lost uncles. I lost friends. I’ve lost church students. I’ve lost a lot of things, financial stability. I’ve lost even shoes, a phone. Like, I don’t know. I thought like. I had faced it, but December of 2022, I suffered a miscarriage, and I never knew what that was like.

I didn’t even know that was a thing. We do not talk about it. People do not share it, or at least not in my circle, not in my network. It was like, it’s always Babies are blessings, and babies are beautiful, and a baby starts growing in our bellies, and I already have a four year old, so at the time, yeah, he’s still four, he’s gonna be five, and I didn’t know what that was, and the, the way that it happened is just, My faith really came into play because I, we have been trying, I have my son a couple of months later, we start trying or not months, actually like a year and a couple of months later, after my firstborn, we start trying and no luck.

Nothing, nothing’s happening. We really get into our faith. We start praying novenas. We start asking the church to pray for us. I start reaching out to friends, you know, some of them that have so many kiddos, and I’m like, How do you do it, girl? Like, I need the secret. I need the recipe. And everybody’s like, Relax and just, you know, enjoy it.

And just do this. Work out a little more. Maybe sleep more. Get massages. We start trying all the things. And boom, we finally are able to get pregnant in October of 2022. And this is where I start like now things that I know, I’m like, I wish I knew then what I know now, because my intuition was like, something’s not right.

Something’s up because with my first son, when I was, I got pregnant, I immediately didn’t feel myself. I was snapping a lot, I was nauseous, I had so many different physical symptoms that with the second pregnancy, I just, I was like, huh, something’s up. I don’t know what it is, but something’s up. But I didn’t feel as physically sick.

So, I decided, go to an OB, get my checkup. We hear a heartbeat. We are so happy. We are extremely like, oh! Over just excited. We’re like, yes, CJ is going to have a sibling. We’re going to bring a new baby into this family. We finally have a house where we can start a nursery. We’re financially good. Everything was perfect, Erica.

My whole family was in good health. We were just living it up. Then, I, noticed that baby was way smaller than my firstborn on the ultrasound. Just completely smaller and again my intuition. It’s like something’s alright. I asked the doctor Why would the baby be so small? I don’t remember my ultrasound with my son Them being this small and she looked at me and she said maybe your ovulation like maybe you don’t maybe you don’t know your body Maybe you were ovulated on a different day, and you’re actually not the time that you believe to be pregnant So measurement says that you’re actually two weeks behind And I was like, no, for about a year and a half now, two years, I’ve been religiously following my cycle and I’ve been learning more about my body and no ma’am, I didn’t like that answer.

So fast forward, we go to another OB, the week right after, and we go to that OB, we go into the ultrasound room, and when we go into that ultrasound room, baby’s the same size and there’s no longer a heartbeat. And. I don’t remember anything, Erika. I, I, I remember parts, and one part that I do remember, they had like this curtain thing, where they asked me to change before the ultrasound, and Flaca is also a G, Flaca was pissed off, Flaca broke that thing, Flaca was like, I need a second opinion, like, This isn’t right.

My baby was there last week and now my baby, what are you saying? I feel my baby. Cause I still felt like, like you still feel that warmth. And so I was like, what is like, no, this isn’t. And I just remember blacking out. I didn’t pass out, but it’s like my body wasn’t in my body anymore. And I had never felt that feeling ever.

And then real, I don’t want to call it real grief, but I finally lost something. Like I lost everything to me. Because our children are our entire world regardless of how small or how the lines the words on that p stick like Your whole like illusion of your dreams your hopes like they’re everything to us.

So Fast forward get into a room the doctor the doctor I really appreciate her. She tried her best to be like that science balance with that human balance, walks in, kind of dimmed the lights and she just held my hand and she said, I’m so sorry that this is happening, but we need to, we need to talk about some decisions because I have no idea how long you have been carrying an embryo this way and your body could catch an infection and we’re going to need to talk about procedures and next steps.

And I looked at her, I tried my best to pay attention. My husband was with me and us being Catholic, like it, the, a lot of the procedures were against our beliefs. A lot, like a, a DNC. I didn’t know what that was, but essentially they go in and they clean out your body. So my question was, do I get my baby?

She looked at me and she said, that’s not a baby. But my, my faith tells me that’s a baby. So it was time to channel flaca. It was time to be like, I don’t give a damn what you say, that’s my baby. So what, what can you do in your science mind and your medical ability To achieve what I want, which I want my baby, whatever pieces of that of them there is, because clearly there was a heartbeat there.

So I’m going to, I’m going to need the pieces that were there, ma’am. she said, well, I can send you some medication home. You can put them in privately, or you can put them in orally. and I said, I know my mind. I know my will. I can’t do orally because I will spit that, I will spit that shit out. Like it’s not, I’m not going to voluntarily take some medication that I feel is going to hurt my baby even though I understand that they’re no longer with me, but I just wanted, I was holding on to that hope that this doctor’s wrong, their ultrasound machine’s not working, my baby’s still here, like why would you say this to me right now?

 come home and really leaned on my prayer. Really leaned on my community. I had a doula that I had deposited on. I called her and I said, Hey, look, this happened. I don’t know what, I don’t know what happened. She said, you know, this happened and we need to see if you want to do something at home. We need to see if you want to do something in a hospital, but I can definitely help you, with the process.

Praying with my parents and just really asking for that dividing guidance of what is next. How are we going to do this? Because my body is holding on to this baby and holding on to this embryo, whatever you want to call it. And my body is stronger than me because obviously I want to be alive. I want to be healthy.

And after that, I was just looking for resources. I’m in Texas. We are alleged to be very pro life here. So I said, you know what? Who do we call whenever we want support for something that maybe doesn’t exist yet? We are supposed to call our government officials and they’re supposed to Give us a lending, lend us their ears and lend us their attention and lend us their resources and their power to really help us find a solution to what it is that we need from them.

So, I started calling the governor’s office and the attorney general office, and I was like, I’m suffering a miscarriage and the doctor said that they wouldn’t give me my baby. So, what are you going to do in this case? Because I don’t want to abort, but that’s what they’re telling me to do. But you’re telling me abortion is illegal, so am I going to jail or what?

Are you going to help me through this? No one had answers for me, Erica. It was like silence. And this is not Janet, this is Flaca all the way, like I was just so pissed off and so hurt and just trying to do what I wanted to do and what my heart wanted. So then, I get on TikTok and I just share a little bit and I’m like, I need help.

Have, have any of you collected pieces of your baby after a miscarriage? How did you do it? Boom, I start getting dms. I’ll check out this place. Check out that place I find a non profit in new jersey where they send you kits of collecting the pieces of the miscarriages And you can put them in a little casket and you can bury them as you like or keep them in a plant or Put them in a necklace like do whatever it is that you’re willing to do Then again go into our faith go into my faith I call the church And I’m like, I’m about to take this medication at home, I’m collecting my baby pieces, I’m 10 weeks, they had a heartbeat, what’s the, what’s the process in the Catholic Church?

Can you believe they did not have one? They could not believe that I was about to do this because they were like, well, typically, don’t they like clear you out at the hospital? It was just mind blowing. So here we go having conversations with the bishops and the priests and everybody about this is what I want to do.

And we’re gonna bury these pieces of my child and we’re gonna celebrate their life because I felt butterflies. I heard a heartbeat. I felt that instant connection of this is my child. So, just facing that, I wouldn’t have been able to do it throughout online community, my sorority sisters dropping off my favorite drinks and my favorite snacks at the front door.

My husband, my family, my rosaries, my meditate, not meditation at the time. I don’t even know what I was calling it at the time. and then I was already in therapy because I had suffered a couple of uncle’s losses and my grandpa, which that hit me like a buzz. And that’s actually how I found your podcast because my therapist was like, you need to find that motivation again, and we need to get you out of this rut and we need to figure out how we’re going to do this.

And I just remember like, I need to find somebody that motivates me every day. And I want to be that chingona again. So I remember looking up chingona on Spotify and all kinds of things came up, but your name of chingona revolution, like, come on, I’m an advocate. I want to like radicalize everything. And then chingona in one phrase, I was like, this is it.

And then I started listening. And after that miscarriage, I just was like, okay. This, this is God, this is my faith telling me, like, listen to your heart. You’re being sent to this space for a reason, and maybe you need to work on finding that courage again to be yourself, to get out of this suffering, and I mean, so many things in between.

After the miscarriage, I lost my corporate job. I was fired for the very first time in my life, because they expected me to be exactly who I was before the miscarriage and I just couldn’t, I was not going to be that strong willed HR professional that was just patient with everybody. my patience was cut very slim after that loss.

And so I lost my job. We were struggling for a little bit. I remember being really sick. Okay. My body was just not with not not working with me. I was constantly getting sick. I remember I had COVID I was having suicidal thoughts. I was like, what why did I get to stay here and not my baby? It was just a lot of stuff heavy dark stuff happening And I just remember like listening to one of your podcasts and I don’t remember exactly which one it was but it resonated so much on like Finding out who we truly are and really building that courage to find and just go for what we want.

And that’s when I said, you know what, honey, to my husband. And I said, I’m going to sign up for this because I feel like this is the community that I need to pull me out of whatever is going on, because I do strongly believe that we can pray all we want, but we need to put actions with our prayer or.

We’re not going to be able to accomplish much more. 

Erika: Thank you for sharing everything that you shared because you are probably the third client I’ve had who has gone through a miscarriage and every single client has described it as the worst experience and the most challenging experience they’ve ever gone through.

And. The same like story of nobody’s talking about this in our community and you all ended up turning to social media and that’s where you ended up finding community. So, first, thank you for sharing that vulnerable story. Secondly, I’m so sorry that that happened. I have no idea what that experience is like.

I can only imagine, but. I know that people listening who’ve gone through this just felt so seen by everything that you shared. And the other thing that I want to point out, like I spoke about this at the beginning, where you’re such a beautiful example of somebody who like has their values, but you’re also willing to challenge things.

So what Flaca just shared with us, right, is like she practices, she’s, she’s a part of the Catholic religion, which is a pro life, right? She’s not telling you what to believe, what to not believe. But even though she. Is a participant of this church and this religion. She’s still challenging things. And she’s, and that is just such a beautiful example of like, it’s not one way or the other way.

It’s not all black. It’s not all white. It’s not like I’m right. You’re wrong. It’s like, let’s have these difficult conversations because this is a very complicated topic. So, I just feel like you did such a beautiful job of communicating that. And I love that you reached out to. Your government and like, you’re just an advocate.

Like that is, you are like the ch*ngona 

Flaka: advocate. Yeah. I, I don’t even like, and that’s where I, I am very strong on my faith because I’m like, what in the right mind told me to call? Like fucking governor, what’s he care? You know, he’s got other things. Like he has no idea of my existence. Like, why, why would I, like, I just, I don’t know what happened to me in that moment.

that I was just like, I need resources. And who’s like, who is supposed to be like Jesus in this moment, in our time to help me, to, to not cure me, but to help me heal, it is them. They’re in power. We are following them, whether whatever side of the, whatever side of the politics you stand on, we’re following them because they impact everything that we do or that we’re gonna do, or that we’re thinking about doing.

Erika: Yeah, so now obviously you’ve spoken about this when we did our live, you’ve spoken about this now, I’m assuming you’ve shared this with other people as well, I’m curious how many people have come to you since sharing such a vulnerable experience with like, thank you, what, what, how many people have approached you, you don’t have to give me a number, you know, but like just tell us a little bit about what has happened since you vulnerably shared this experience that many times is just brushed under the rug and people don’t talk 

Flaka: about.

yeah. Definitely through social media. It’s like every other day, so I might pop up on somebody’s for you page or something on their algorithm and they’ll reach out and they’ll just say thank you, you know, thank you for sharing your story and thank you for just being just speaking out about it and just holding people accountable or sharing the resource or sharing your story because now I know that I don’t have to do a DNC.

I don’t have to go with what the doctor says. If I’m feeling different at that time, they have to give me other options. I have found, you know, people, one of your clients, I think we’re not even in the same like, cohort, we’re not in the same like group. And I got to meet her in person. And it’s just been so healing, for me to meet people like her, who have been able to show me like, You can survive this and you can come out better on the other side because you shared with other people and now we’re like soul sisters because no one’s going to understand that experience until it happens to you and then on, even with that, each of our experiences are completely different, you know, and it’s just, and even in the language that we speak, because I was sharing with her, like in our Spanish language, I don’t know how to say I had a miscarriage.

When I told my grandma, she was like, and I’m like, no, it’s an abortion voluntary. So I was like, I don’t know how to explain to you what happened, grandma, but my baby died inside of me, but I did not have anything. I didn’t have anything to do with it. So even in Spanish, it’s like being able to relate to other people that are bilingual like me and first gens like me and just immigrants like me being, finding that has been so lifesaving and powerful, but I wouldn’t have found that if I wouldn’t have gotten out here and shared my story and just talk to people and as much as it.

Makes me feel or it has made me feel like it, it obviously changed me. It changed the whole trajectory of, I feel my entire life and my family’s life and my family’s just dynamic. it has also saved me. And it has healed so many parts of my life and it has healed so many people around me because that tough conversation, that tough situation, that very hardest thing I feel like I’m ever going to have to go through because I still remember before this miscarriage, I could not talk about death, Erica.

I could, I could not face burying my mom. Just the thought of it would give me so much pain and sadness and hurt. Then now I’m like, I buried my own kid. Like. Mom, you lived your life, you know, it sounds cruel, but now it’s like, it’s healed so many parts of us where it’s like, we were able to have more rough conversations now, because that is one of the roughest conversations, having to look at somebody that you love in the eye and just say, I lost your grandbaby, my body’s not responding, my body, I don’t, I don’t know what happened.

And just now from that conversation, we’ve been able to have so many different conversations and it’s brought me to so many connections to heal so many parts of me. Like if I, if I didn’t suffer the miscarriage, I would have never heard your podcast. If I never got into your podcast, I would have not joined Courage German Latina.

And if I didn’t join Courage German Latina, I would have met all these powerful, like ch*ngonas all over the country that are just doing so many things that. have helped me heal so much throughout this last year. 

Erika: Amiga, I hope you’re enjoying the show. We are going to get right back to today’s episode, but I just had to drop in and check with you. How are you feeling? How are things going? If you find yourself frustrated or maybe shaming yourself because you have not taken the action that you wanted to take, maybe you are just tired of starting and stopping or overthinking or worrying about what your coworkers are going to think about you or your family members are going to think about you.

If you finally start that project that you’ve been wanting to start, I just want you to know that I see you. I feel you. I overthought starting my Instagram page for two years before I actually started it. So I get it. I totally understand. And if you find yourself in this position where you know that you want to make 2024 your year and you’re ready to start procrastinating and start taking action, then I invite you.

to Courage Driven Latina. Courage Driven Latina is my signature program where you will legit change your life in 90 days because we are going to help you take action on a courage project in 90 days. I also recently introduced the courage project paths, which I’m so excited about. So you essentially get to pick the path that you want to work on and you can work on more than one path because the program is now 12 months, right?

But we recommend one path at a time. And I’m so excited about these paths because We have a confidence courage project path. So if you want to speak up in your relationships or maybe speak up at work, this would be the perfect path for you. Or if you just want to establish more self trust. The second path we have is the content creation courage project path.

So this is perfect for you if you want to create an Instagram page, a Tik Tok account, or perhaps you are ready to launch your own podcast. We even have a whole podcast course inside of Courage Driven Athena. The third path is the career courage project path. So if you know that you want to be at the director level or the VP level, or maybe you’re ready to change your job to a different job, then this would be the perfect path for you.

Maybe you’re like, you know what? Entrepreneurship is cool, but it’s not really for me. I really want to be a boss-ass mami. Then this is going to be the path for you. And last but not least, we have the Chingona CEO path. So if you know that you want to be an entrepreneur and you know, you want to start your business, whether it’s a coaching business or a physical business, if you want to sell a product, then this is the perfect path for you again, because this program is not 12 months.

You can work on more than one path. We are so excited about this updated program and now is the perfect. time to join. So get ready because the doors are going to open on February 12th. Mark your calendar, but more importantly, join the waitlist for Courage Driven Latina by going to the link down below in the show notes, because when you join the waitlist, you are going to be the first to know when we open doors and you may even get some early access.

So ensure that you join the waitlist. I cannot wait to work with you. We have some incredible women in this program and the fact that it’s now a year long, we’ve already seen so much transformation. I can’t wait to work with you. Let’s get back to the show and don’t forget to join the wait list.

Flaka: Yeah, 

Erika: how beautiful. And I also want for the people listening, like you’re sharing this as you’ve done the work and really have processed this.

This wasn’t something you immediately did. You weren’t just like, Oh, I’m glad this happened because now blah, blah, blah. Right? Like 

Flaka: you went 

Erika: through, you went through the motions, you felt the feels, you went through the hard times, you had the difficult conversations. And now that you’re on the other side, you’re like, Damn, that was a humbling, difficult experience and it’s brought me to where I am.

And the truth is that we’re all gonna die. Like that’s the only guarantee in life. Everybody’s gonna die, right? Like it’s, we’re all, we’re immortal beings. Like we are going to pass and you’re right in our community. I don’t know how to say it. You earlier, you were saying, how do you even say miscarriage in Spanish?

I don’t even know. Cause we literally don’t talk about it. 

Flaka: Exactly. And it’s just, you know, you made me think of something right now about getting all the feels. I’m a small person, and my nephew, yesterday, unfortunately, my house, one of the restrooms, like you have two doors to go through, and one of the doors, Erica, on Christmas Eve, because my, the last time that when we found out that my baby’s heartbeat was no longer there was December 16th of 2022, so that’s right before the holidays.

December 18th, that was a Sunday, we did everything to collect the pieces at home. December 25th comes around, they kept him at the funeral home, everything, because they need, they didn’t have the room, like, I even feel, like, I get frustrated about funeral homes and how they work, but that’s a whole nother topic for a whole nother day, but come Christmas time, everything hit me, like, I think right after getting that devastating news, going through that loss, immediately my body was in shock, my mind was in shock, everything was just shock.

So, I think like one ornament fell off the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve day, and I got pissed off. Just, I was just triggered, and I went to that restroom door and I punched it. I’ve never punched Things, maybe I have, but for different reasons, I am, I am a little, there’s a G to me and it’s not just because my middle name is Guadalupe, but, my, I punched the restroom wall and that was a year ago and my nephew just saw it the other night and he was like, why is your door broken?

And I think if my nephew asked me that a year ago. Christmas day, I would have been like, well, what the fuck do you mean? I lost your baby cousin. Why would I not punch the fucking door? But yesterday I was able to look at him and say, look, baby, Dia was very angry. Dia did not know how to talk about what she was feeling or what I needed from anyone around me.

So I used my anger on the door. I took it out on the door because I didn’t want to go to jail and take it out on my husband or my kids. So it’s like, I went through all the bills. I went through all the painful of I don’t want to be here anymore, reaching out to the suicide hotline, telling my therapist, like, yeah, I’m not filling out these questionnaires the way I’m supposed to, you know, because on the questionnaire, I was smart enough to be like, no, I’m not depressed.

What are you talking about? I’m fine. But what I was saying to her in our sessions was different than what I was writing down and then having to face like, I need more help. I, I need a psychiatrist, I need somebody that knows more about this than I do or my, how our mind works to be able to support me, I, I need to talk about it in a way where I’m not going to be politically correct about what I’m feeling because I think I was being very careful as to like, do they believe that’s a baby or not?

Do they? I was just being very mindful of them and what they believe. And again, that’s back to channeling flack. I’m being like, no, I don’t give a damn what you feel or what you think. This is what I, this is what I think. And this is what I want to say. And then I realized my husband works really hard to pay his insurance, our insurance for us, and I’m paying them, so I need to tell them what I’m feeling, and then they need to help me.

Totally. 

Erika: Yeah, and I think especially in our community, like, we look at doctors and anybody in authority like that as just like the end all be all, and that’s why I love that. especially there, you still advocated for yourself and still were able to bring your values to that space. Because yes, to your point, we are paying for this service.

It is not free. We are not in a country that has free healthcare. Like we are paying for this. Somebody’s paying for it, whether it’s you or your employer. Exactly. Yeah. Amazing. So thank you again for sharing that with us. And now I’m curious, like we, we kind of know where Flaca is now. 

Flaka: Tell us a little bit 

Erika: about how this whole experience brought you and your partner together.

Flaka: Oh man, it’s just been, it just, I think just going through everything. It’s really brought us to be able to communicate better because, not even just communicate better, but bond even without communication, if that makes sense. Because now, before it was like, oh, yeah, you lost your grandpa. I’m so sorry, babe.

Like, that’s your grandpa. We had not lost anything that was ours together, and it’s like we both lost a piece of each other. And that really made us both really sit down and think, what are we doing here? What, what do we really want together and really kick in? Like, like you just said, we’re all going to die.

What do we want to do with the time that we have here? And we’re not even guaranteed the time that we have here. So what is it that we want? And we really started having serious conversations about what are each of our strengths? What are our dreams? What are our goals? What do we really want? And no matter what the noise is around us, let’s go and get it.

So for us, one of the biggest things is our religion, right? We’re both Catholic. So one of the things is right now, this goes, I’m going through IBF and I’m a Catholic person. That’s not ethical, but my body’s telling me I need to help. So why would I not ethically help my body to reach what I want to do?

Because I’m not guaranteed to be here tomorrow. And this is a conversation I had to have with the priest, because again, I’m not moving forward with anything. Without the blessing of my God and our church says our religion says you have the authority to give me that blessing So come on with it and I’m either gonna get it from you I’m gonna go get it somewhere else cuz you’re not the only religious person around you right priest So it’s just it’s brought us to learn so many things together because my husband before our miscarriage He would not question the church He would not question our religion.

He would not question anything around us. And now we question everything together and I’m not the only one challenging things around me. Now I, it made us a better team because now we’re both like, okay, let’s get on the same page and we can’t do anything without the other, we need each other. I need you to hold me accountable.

I need you to talk to me. I need you to back me up. I need to back him up. So it just made us realize. Were we really working together? Or were we just working hard? So now it’s 

Erika: Are you working together or are you just working hard? That is such a good reflection question for everybody who is in just any type of relationship.

Wow. That is That’s so good. Thank you for saying that. So when we were live, we talked a little bit about your husband. Whenever you told him you wanted to join Curb Strength Latina. 

Flaka: Where he was kind of questioning it. Tell us, tell us what happened. So our house is very techie, right? So we have like, I did, I was doing airplay, when you did one of the webinars for Courage German Latina and specifically one of your, your things was like, if you’re having trouble with justifying the cost or the expense, I forgot what the word was that you use to your partner.

Like, this is for you, so I was like, that was his biggest thing, like, he was like, who is this girl? Like, what, what are, what are her credentials that you want to pay her all this money that we don’t have right now, well, we technically had a little cushion, right, and he’s like, why would you want to use this cushion that we have when you just lost a job to go and pay this girl, and what does she do?

You have a psychiatrist, you have a therapist, you have me, like, what, what more do you want? You know, and I’m in a sorority. So whenever I was like, well, it’s a, it’s a community of Latinas. And he was like, but you have your sorority sisters. Like what? 

Erika: And it’s all very valid, right? Like you’re, you’re not wrong.

Like all of these are valid questions. 

Flaka: So I was like, I was like, but you haven’t listened to her podcast. I was like, she comes from a place where she understands that there was a hard decision to be made and walking away from something that’s so stable, so secure. I was like, come on, like, let me try it.

Like, I was like, I’m going to try it. And again, this is where I go back to Flaca because at the end of the day, I was like, well, if you want to get technical about it, who’s the breadwinner in the house? I am. So I was like, I’m going to use my money to go into this program because my intuition, my heart is telling me I need to do this for myself.

So I was like, I’m just going to do it. And I was like, you know, you know, one of the biggest things that I used on him, Erica was like, he loves sports. And I was like, what really makes a coach be a coach? There’s no coaching school. I was like, there is no, you can’t get a degree for football coaching. You have to go through all the steps of these other people.

And I was like, but yet you sit there and you like, hail this Alabama dude, that’s about to retire. And I’m like, I need a coach. Like, I want to play in life. I want to continue going in life and I need a coach. Because my therapist is listening to me, but trying to get me to solve my own problems without giving me direct feedback, because she’s just asking me, how does that make you feel?

And let’s talk about this and let’s try to see if this works for you. And I’m like, this is not guaranteed, but I remember I told him like, this is a set timeline with people that I will be able to relate to because we all have one goal in common and that’s to find courage as Latinas. So I need to do this.

And I remember he was like, okay, well, if it doesn’t work out, I told you so. And I was like, okay, well, I’m not gonna know if it doesn’t work out unless I do it. So, here we are, and now he makes sure that I don’t miss any Tuesday calls.

He gets so annoyed when I miss the calls, cause I have like something with my nonprofit, that’s usually the only time I miss, cause I have to go do something with our group, for my nonprofit, and then I’ll come home and he’ll be like, so, When are you going to make up Tuesday’s call? 

Erika: I love it. Oh my gosh.

I love it. So tell us what, and I just love that you’re, that your husband’s now so supportive and like, it has responsibility to make sure you take on the Tuesday calls, which you had shared with me when we did our live. So for the people listening and we’re like about to wrap up, but what is it that you’re working on inside of Courage Driven Latina?

Flaka: Showing up more on social media for my business. Because it’s just been like a struggle to just confidently or just to even show up. Like I could not talk into a camera before Courage German Latina. I was like, Oh my gosh, like, let me, let me do my makeup. Let me do my hair. Let me make sure my teeth look right.

Like I even went and got Invisalign cause I was like, okay, I’m going to do this courage project. So it got me to go like get Invisalign. but that, that’s what I’m working on to just show up more and just show up in perfectly. And really just share what I have to say about careers, about community, about, I call, I call it cheese met too.

Cause sometimes I just jump on and I’m like, look, y’all, I got some teeth. This is happening. This is happening in Texas and I’m tired of this shit. Yes. So this has been showing up. 

Erika: Energy to the calls and your business has been going great. Like so much so yesterday you were like, I had to stop taking on clients.

I’m like, girl, this is a great problem to have. 

Flaka: Like, Yeah. Yes, it’s been like, I did not realize how many people have, just have that need to really sit down and talk to somebody about, this is what I’m doing right now and this is where I want to go, but I don’t know how to get there. Yeah. So it, it really has been like my passion because I love everything to do with HR.

Absolutely. Everything. Some people hate being in HR because of the termination part, but I don’t because I’m, Redirecting you when I terminate you I’m telling you this is not for you go find where you need to be So I love everything Yes, I and that’s something I’ve gotten so good at I’ve gotten so much better at that I’m not the best when it comes to the self coaching.

I’m trying to learn that better. I’ve been watching the program, like, or the video over and over because I’m trying to learn and when you do it with other people I try to follow, but when I tell you that now I’m able to be like, okay, this is the negative thought, but what’s positive about it? I’m so much better at that now.

And. So my business has been going amazing. it’s, it’s been pretty busy and I just love helping people with their careers because then it impacts their income. Then when they impact their income, their wealth gets impacted and then generations to come can enjoy that. And I’m just. I’m just trying to build legacies wherever.

If you meet me, I want to help you with your legacy because I know that my legacy is going to be like, flock got stood up for everybody and their mama. So what, what is your legacy? That’s what I’m trying to help people find out. 

Erika: I love it. So if any of you are struggling with where you’re at in your career, if you have questions about your resume, if you need help with interview prep, negotiations, reach out to Flaca.

We will link down below your Instagram as well as just like any other links that you want us to include. And, let’s see, is there anything I didn’t ask you that you want to share before I let you 

Flaka: go? I think just. Very one of the things is just really narrow down what it is again that you want to work on and build that courage to just go for it.

Don’t let anything stop you where I keep saying this all week I’ve been saying this all week to so many people I’ve talked to if you’re in In any part of the world, right, but specifically the United States, we are one of the most powerful nations in the world. There is absolutely no reason why you cannot find the resources in the back of to find what, or do what you, it is that you’re wanting to do.

Because there is someone anywhere in the world ready to support you and to be there for you. you know, there’s this song by Daddy Yankee that I’ve been really getting into that I think it’s like, Bonita vida, vida bonita, or something like that. And he talks about, like, people are good, there’s just bad things that happen.

And my miscarriage, like, helped me really learn that. Like, there’s so many good people around me that have really helped my healing and supported me through the dark, through the light, through everything happening with me. But that was a really fucked up nightmare that’s happened, but that didn’t make anybody bad around me.

So it’s just, remember that there’s good people out here, just bad shit that happens. Beautiful. 

Erika: And if you join us for the next round of Courage Driven Latina, you will be in it with Flaca because now the program is a year long, right? So you won’t just be able to work on one project, which is showing up on social.

And then about the self-coaching, we have a bunch of new videos coming out in like a couple of weeks, one specifically step-by-step on self-coaching. So you’ll have that. 

Flaka: Oh, nice. I’m ready. I’m so excited. I can’t stop talking to Cande about it. Like, I’m like, I’m ready. I know. I’m 

Erika: so excited as well.

Amazing. Flaca, thank you so, so much for showing up, for being vulnerable, for sharing your story in such a beautiful, unfiltered, and vulnerable way. I know that your story resonated with so many people and you are this embodiment of somebody who is constantly practicing courage. So for those of you listening, if you took anything away from this episode, Please be sure to screenshot it and share it on social media and tag both of us.

We will have Flaca’s Instagram down below in the show notes and then my Instagram. I think you all already know it’s the Erica Cruz. Flaca, so, so much. And I will see you on Tuesday. 

Flaka: Yes. See you then. Thank you so much for having me.